


Wild Groose Chase - Beta version

by DonttellmybrotherIwrotethis



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Genre: Bad Puns, Economics, Gen, Hair, I Tri and force a lot of puns in, Odd Hats, Oracles, Pseudonyms, Stupidity, Weaponized Fan Clubs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2019-10-14 20:27:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 60,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17515364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DonttellmybrotherIwrotethis/pseuds/DonttellmybrotherIwrotethis
Summary: When Like-Likes start munching all of Hyrule's shields due to a botched ritual, it heralds Bad Things. Groose is sent on a quest to find the Reincarnated Hero (Even though he really doesn't want to find the loser.) Things get rather messy when the Yiga, Korok spy networks, the Prince Sidon Fan Club, and an avaricious aspiring merchant get involved. Groose deserves a raise. Now complete. Edited version being posted.





	1. Prologue - Clandestine Activities

Many stories of the eternal battle over the Triforce were recorded in the annuals of Hyrule's history. This particular one was a little irregular and frankly, embarrassing. It started in a pasture.

It was still a few hours until dawn and the group of elite soldiers in the service of Lord Ganon were getting annoyed. There was a ritual uncovered recently which had interested Master Takeshi immensely. By performing the ritual in the place where Ganon had fallen, they would be able to call upon the residual dark energies which lingered in the ground.

The problem with this was that they didn't know precisely where in Hyrule Field the fight had finally ended. The witnesses at the time had been vague about the whole thing. People were less concerned with Ganon's majestic majesty, and more concerned with the blasts of malice and light which had been flying about the place. No monument had been erected at the time and Zelda hadn't left any visible trace of where she'd completed the banishment. Instead of giving up on this ritual, some Yiga had taken it upon themselves to repeat the ritual in various likely places. They searched for where Ganon's grave might be but-

-A blademaster's foot sank into something soft and decidedly not grass. The stupid civilians had put a ranch in this particular location. They'd tried the ritual in storerooms, roads, cucco huts, forests, and in one very memorable instance a little boy's play hideout. The blademaster suppressed the urge to murder the horse responsible for this insult to his footwear. Sneaky ninjas were not supposed to dirty their blades on simple animals.

"Are you going to get on with the ritual? We cannot keep Lord Ganon waiting." spoke the scowling blademaster. It was impressive that he managed to convey the scowl so well even with the mask concealing his face.

"This is important and will not be done improperly. Mind that step right there." The shorter figure in red and black robes pulled out a scroll and did their best to ignore the mooing from the barn a few feet away. Dark chanting began to issue forth from that particular masked figure which was almost sinister enough to counteract the un-sinister effect of the cow.

The third and last figure said with a quiver in his voice, "If we fail, we are going to be punished by Master Takeshi." then came the afterthought, "...and have failed Lord Ganon." The three did not want to admit what failure would bring. Master Takeshi had decided to stop wasting time on this fool's errand but the three had decided to try to take initiative for the tantalizing prospect of advancing in the ranks. Yiga masters did not really like their underlings thinking for themselves so they would likely be demoted.

The night wore on and it got really boring after forty-seven minutes of ominous incantations.

The three were surprised when things suddenly stopped being boring. A little dark energy suffused the air like scent from a freshly opened can of cat food. The sorcerer jolted and recomposed himself. He stood up straighter. Now all he had to do was name the servant which would herald the return of the Scourge of Hyrule. His shoulders changed from the outline of a child which knew he was grounded to the shoulder outline of a future chancellor. Cows mooed and horses began to spook but he would not be deterred.

"Great Ganon! Send us your monstrous children, let them take on a form most powerful to strike fear into the hearts of the cowardly enemy!" His mind went blank and he stuttered again as he looked at the scroll. The caster considered what monster it should actually be. They hadn't really rehearsed this part. "Send us a-a-like-like lynels. Send us lynels!" The darkness surged. From the home of the ranchers they heard a commotion. They ignored the shouting of the farmers as they were too busy watching rupees spring forth from the soil around them. That was not expected whatsoever. As a rule, if you do a blood ritual in the middle of the night and ask for monsters, you don't get money.

The rotund owner of the ranch in question sprang from the door with sword and shield at the ready. He was a man on a mission to stop cattle rustlers from undermining society. This noble heroic man was stopped by the same glittering sight as the Yiga. "What in tarnation?... he said as his mind slowed to a halt in light of the money sprouting from the grass. His foot brushed a rupee. A loud squelching noise caught his attention and he let out a rather unmanly shriek as the giant slug thing erupted from the ground.

He survived; The shield did not.

On the whole, Hyrule would have preferred the lynels.


	2. For Prophet Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We introduce Groose and some other people.

Groose was, in a few words, regretting his decisions and life choices today. This stupid guy was costing him 10 rupees and part of his precious afternoon off. He had plans before Strich dragged him here. Rumors abounded that this fortune teller was eerily accurate, had eyes that stared into your soul, and was a really good deal at ten rupees. Groose didn't buy the superstition. The eyes though... he could see how that rumor got started. He was reminded very strongly of the trout he'd caught three days ago when fishing with Ana and Strich.

The delicate woven tablecloth reflected off the surface of the crystal in a myriad of patterns. The trout was mercifully not staring at Groose, but at the crystal between them. Groose would not have been able to stand this otherwise. He was thinking of what flowers he'd buy for a bouquet and how that ten rupees could have contributed to it. It would be a good apology to Ana and he'd manage to untangle that tongue of his and ask her on a date. "My all seeing eyes behold... I foresee a quest." He paused there and Groose's impatience caused him to ask,

"And?"

"You will rescue the Reincarnated Hero from the Yiga clan but... There is a vision. I see you will become a poor man in the pursuit of this quest." the oracle said in an even tone

"Uh, I asked you about my chances with Ana? I paid for a romance fortune." Groose said to remind the guy.

"This is what the fates have decreed I show you." Dear goddesses above this man never blinked. Groose wanted to argue but he was wasting enough time already and the trout kept coming back to his mind. Ana was waiting.

"Okay, you know what? Saving Hyrule does sound like me but this destiny thing where I lose my rupees? Not happening. I've got a girl to talk to and destiny can take a hike." Groose said before he left, ignoring the dire warnings about fate being muttered by the fortune teller. The tent was stuffy and he wanted to get back into the market. He pushed past a blonde Gerudo girl who was waiting outside the sign.

The sign proclaimed "Love, adventure, treasure! See what fate has for you! 10 rupees" and the bold lettering was almost as loud as the stick-seller next door.

"Hey, Groose. What did he say to you? Did he see you with Z-Ana?" Strich asked while adjusting a bag under his feathered arm. The two town guards walked on through Tarrey Town. The sounds of traders calling to passerby mixed with the conversation of travelers.

"He just made up some stuff about a quest and me rescuing a Hero. He didn't even say I was the Hero. If he's gonna make up stuff he should do a good job of it! It's a ripoff. Waste of rupees. Hey, there's a flower stand there."

"I can't believe you slipped up and called Ana the wrong name." Strich said while Groose inspected the flowers. Strich scratched his beak as he waited for Groose. He wanted to see if there were any beetles in the woods.

"Yeah, well, it's not my fault her dad gave her and her sisters such dumb names." Zeldana, Jezeldabel, and little Hazelda were unfortunate indeed. Leon Hyrule's wife had no spiritual power and was concerned one of her daughters would end up being a reincarnation of the Legendary Princess without her knowing which one. More pressing of a concern was that the Yiga would single a Zelda out and say 'This one-Yes we should murder that one.' The father named all the daughters and the Hylia only knew why the wife thought she'd go with it too. Only the son Daltus escaped the name scheme unscathed.

Groose thought destiny and determinism were better ignored in favor of being himself. . If Zeldana turned out to be the Princess of Destiny the Hero would just have to sit out a lifetime. Destiny hadn't really been half as good at keeping Tarrey town safe as the man with the amazing hair with his loyal friend. Tarrey Town's guard prided themselves on being vigilant against potential evildoers and monsters sneaking in. The Bolson Construction company had done an amazing job with the original town plan for being defensible but the ninety something years of prosperity meant it had outgrown the island and it now had houses around the shores with bridges crossing above the water. Fishing was limited to certain areas after a few zora got caught in fishing line accidents. Trade boomed when people realized the Blood Moons were not happening. Hyrule's tribes had set up treaties and so forth before foreign countries caught on to the fact that there were vast areas with abundant natural resources available without monsters attacking every week.

The late Queen Zelda and her husband decided that they liked traveling around a lot more than being needed for every single meeting and negotiation. After a hundred years of independence towns were not so keen on having everything dictated to them either. Zelda did a few things with the cooperation of the leaders but her scholarly tendencies gave her some very peculiar ideas. There was a parliament and the Hylian royalty were practically just people with a fancy title. When asked why she turned Hyrule Castle into a research lab open to the public rather than making it a seat of politics, Zelda and Link smiled. They, and their children, traveled the country and were rarely there but still managed to build an aggressive literacy campaign starting with Hateno.

Most of the political details were boring and not important to our protagonist. He emerged from the stall with an arrangement of saffinas. He considered warning the two men who were headed into the Fortune Teller's stall. It would give him an excuse to interview the two travelers and make sure they were not up to anything. Tarrey was also a rather popular destination for sailors coming in from Port Akkala; While most people were quite nice and welcome to the town, Strich and Groose were there to take out ruffians. The first man looked like he was in desperate need of a nap, probably in his thirties wearing a blue coat. The second was a teen of Groose's own age. The dark hair on the boy's head was in dire need of combing. Groose felt, deep in his soul, that hair was to be respected. This boy was not respecting himself. The brown and purple clothing also maybe left something to be desired but sins of the clothing paled in comparison to disheveled hair.

"Hey, Groose, should we go chat with the visitors and welcome them? I think I heard that guy say he is a treasure hunter."

"Really? I wonder if they just came to restock supplies before sailing again or if they plan on traveling the lands more."

"Heard them say their names are Linebeck and Cawlin when they were out by the milk bar. Linebeck is the zombie-looking guy. Cawlin seemed like he is planning on staying a while. He has some business plans for Hyrule?" Groose shrugged.

"If they are out to make rupees they won't stay long with the Like-Likes. Unless..." Maybe they had brought shields, spears, or really long sticks to sell? All travelers on the ground had taken to poking the ground ahead of them where they walked. In town it was safe as the guards kept eyes on the ground for the tell-tale glimmer of animate rupees. Dark whispers were spreading that the creatures were adapting new lures. One hysterical woman said she'd moved a strangely placed pot on the road and was swallowed by a Like-Like. The prices of shields skyrocketed in the wake of gossip. Groose and Strich both lurked outside the tent door as only armored guards could. Strich casually leaned on his spear. Groose settled on the ground with his claymore. It wasn't long before Linebeck emerged from the stall with a peculiar expression. Cawlin trailed behind as only a well-practiced sycophant could.

"I mean it's only a street fortune teller Mister Captain, how accurate can it be for ten rupees? He seemed to think I have a sister!"

"I can't risk it Cawlin, Jolene could be lurking around the corner. The crazy woman might be waiting to ambush me at the port for all I know!"

Both jumped when they heard the shout. Strich and Groose didn't jump because they were proper town guards. That was merely a reflexive shift from a relaxed to a defensive stance.

"I KNEW IT!" The blond Gerudo girl which Groose vaguely remembered passing was the voice's owner. Everyone stared. "You!" She pointed at a shocked Cawlin as Linebeck relaxed visibly. He turned a sympathetic eye to his crewman. Why didn't the boy mention that he too had a Joelene to avoid?

"Huh?" said Cawlin.

"The all-seeing Sparrot was right! You there with the flowers, are they saffinas?" the girl said pointing to the bouquet.

"Uh..." Groose didn't recover from surprise fast enough to get more in before the girl kept talking.

"You with the black hair and the purple shirt! I need to get into the Lost Woods! Destiny awaits! You're both coming too." She pointed at Groose and Strich who now had fixed expressions of disbelief. "I need you all to help me save Hyrule. He said you're the person who will guide me through the woods to where the sword sleeps." the girl said pointing to Cawlin. Cawlin's face was unreadable. "Guy with the flowers, you need to help me get to the woods in the first place." Groose wasn't sure what was going on. He was considering marching into the stall to arrest the fish-face guy. He would think of something to charge him with. The girl pointed to Strich. "You are a champion too! I need your scouting ability. Let's go kill Ganon!" There was a long silence. The men all stared before Groose took charge. Someone had to.

"Who are you?" everyone else nodded. This was exactly the question on their minds too.

"I'm the Hero Reborn. My name's Aryll but I'm changing it to Linkle, I think."

"I'm, uh, Strich? Town guard?"

"I'm Groose and what on earth makes you think I'm believing anything that guy in there has to say? Or what you say for that matter?" Groose stood up and brushed off dust.

"The fortune teller said he's the only person besides the royal family that can get me through the woods, that the orange haired guy with the saffinas would guide me to the castle, and the yellow and green Rito would help me too." Aryll folded her arms. "He said you would all be here outside his tent when I returned from buying more crossbow bolts."

Okay. That was weird that the teller guessed that but it had to be a lucky guess. "Okay, listen. There are several problems with that. Sure he got lucky but I can't just go on a whim. I have a sacred duty to this town as a guard. Also, no random guy is going to be able to get through the Lost Woods. That's impossible."

"But I can see Koroks! Not anyone can and besides, I know the prophecy has to be about me. I'm a girl because I'm Gerudo. It would have been really awkward if people thought I was Ganon's reincarnation!" Groose drew a hand across his handsome features. Clearly this woman was delusional. Strich looked nervous about the sheer coincidence involved in this being merely a lucky guess. Linebeck opened his mouth as if to say something but stopped as Cawlin ran into the curtained doorway. He looked panicked. Linebeck decided to speak after all.

"Um, I think I should be going but- tell Cawlin that he can catch me at Port Akkala if he's fast." Linebeck fled the scene. Groose rolled his eyes and went in to the charlatan's stall. He was certain it was time to make an arrest. Strich and Aryll followed him in.

Sparrot's unblinking gaze was fixed on the skinny Cawlin for good reason. A yellow robed arm extended a handkerchief and Cawlin took it without a word. Groose had seen that expression before. It was an expression on a guy who had seen death knocking at the door and who, driven by social convention, was honor bound to answer the door and offer death a cup of hot tea.

"...I can take you through the Lost Woods. It's actually really simple when you know how. Top secret, you see?" Groose stared,

"WHOA, wait! You're kidding!" Groose said as Cawlin wiped his face. Cawlin... did not sound like he was lying. The guy should be lying but he didn't seem like it to Groose. That expression seemed to dampen even Aryll's enthusiasm. This was a man offering hot tea and scones to death while being forced to talk about the weather

"Miss Hero? I'll do it. You said you can see Koroks?"

"I saw one on the edge of the farm once. A couple times I've seen them on the road but I couldn't catch up in time to chat with them. I'm sure I can do it again if we find one!" Aryll said. "Please, you can call me Linkle."

"Come on Strich, let's go. They can go check out the Lost Woods and come back with the sword. Then I'll believe it." Strich nervously followed Groose out the door. Enough time had passed it was almost lunchtime.

"But" Strich said

"You heard me. We can't just leave Tarrey undefended."

"Mr. Guard? I'll, uh, see you around?" Cawlin croaked.

"Comb your hair. I can't stand the sight of it."

With those words Groose left with Strich.


	3. Cents and Sensibility

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Groose delivers flowers and his day gets a lot worse, then a little better.

"Okay, you got the flowers ready, you can do this Groose." Strich assured Groose as they waited outside Ana's home. Groose preened using the reflection of an nearby window. His smile was a close second to Prince Sidon's toothy grin. Even Groose would admit that smile was a nigh-impossible standard to match yet Groose was certain he outmatched Prince Sidon in the handsome features department. (He would not dare say that aloud. Tula's disciples were simply everywhere and a raving mob of them would make even Groose quail in fear.) Having been given time to calm down, Groose realized that the ridiculous fortune said nothing about his future not having Ana in it. He still thought it was silly and did not plan on losing his savings, but saving the Hero was still promising for his future. Popular opinion held it was the oldest sister, Hazelda, that was Hylia's incarnation.

These plans for meeting with Ana hadn't accounted for a few things. Groose did not notice the approaching boom of Goron footsteps until it was too late.

"There you are! I've been lookin' for you two. I know today is normally your day off but somethin's come up." Strich and Groose both turned to face the captain of Tarrey's town guard. Darbus was imposing and it was likely the sight of him alone caused criminals to reconsider their career choices. At least one person this week had been on a troll to case the joint, spotted Darbus, and opted for fishing. One man had intentions to violate the fishing zone ordinances and thought better of it when he heard the telltale rumbled footsteps. The two teens also had an instinctive dread born of long hours being drilled in the training yard. Groose said,

"Can it wait? Whatever it is cannot possibly be more important than-"

"This is straight from Castletown. Seal and all. Come with me. Gustaf is waitin" Darbus said without any regard for the boy's protest.

"Can I least leave these for Ana?" Groose asked raising the saffinas a little.

"Why don't you bring them with you? She's already there." Darbus was surprised how quickly the young guard went from irritated to elated. He made no further complaint but Strich and Groose kept asking questions the entire walk about what exactly they were wanted for. When they got to the guardhouse and went upstairs, Darbus stayed at the foot to keep curious eavesdroppers away from the staircase. Being Darbus, he probably could have done so merely by sitting on the other side of the room while reading quietly but he was determined to do things properly.

"All right! Groose is here. Did you need me to battle monsters? Act as bodyguard for a princess?" Groose asked the room as he pushed open the door and made his grand entrance. The reception of this announcement was not what he had hoped for. Ana sat uncomfortably next to her mother and her older sister Hazelda. The four had looks of apprehension despite Groose's reassurance. Her grandfather King Gustaf raised an eyebrow at the ceiling as if to ask the goddesses 'Did I mishear you earlier?' Strich moved his spear from one wing to the other.

Groose tried again. "So what do you need me to do? I'm the best man for any job you want done right!" Gustaf addressed him.

"Have a seat please. I got a vision from the Triforce of Wisdom and I'm not sure of all the details, but it involves you two." The tension in the air made the simple act of pulling seats into place unbearably melodramatic. Jezeldabel and the father, Leon, would probably be reading reports from the guilds. The mother of Ana was still wearing a toolbelt. All were listening to Ana's grandather with undivided attention. "We got a report from the Gerudo, the Oracle revealed the return of darkness three days ago. The seal did say a name but the translators always have trouble trying to go from sand seal language to names."

Gustaf may have been the current holder of the Triforce, but he would occasionally remind his family that he was merely a steward at present. He was a sage in his own right and known to be intelligent, if eccentric at times. Rumors widely attributed this eccentricity to him being Link's son. The reports of Link's odd behavior were almost as legendary as his heroism. Few people knew just how little the gossip needed to be exaggerated to be outlandish. Some of the gossip was understated as storytellers believed he was too incredible to be believed. Many stable hands exchanged horror stories of what saddle and boarding requests Link had made.

"I took it upon myself to pray in the Sanctuary. Last night I had a vision..." Groose and everyone waited to see where this was going, Groose wanted him to get on with it already. The anticipation made him temporarily forget all about the flowers. "In the grove by the Deku Tree I saw Strich and Groose there with other faces I do not recognize. I wish I got a better look at the one drawing the Master Sword but it should be enough knowledge for now."

"What, uh, are we doing?" Strich said, puzzled.

"We're sending you out to look for the reborn hero!" A grin split Gustaf's face. "The Yiga Clan will pay less attention to two fallow youths like yourselves than if we sent knights all over creation. Plus, with the Like-Like blight spreading, this will save a fortune on shields." The enthusiasm for a plan of flawless logic, courtesy of himself shone in Gustaf's face. "If you leave tomorrow you should have plenty of time to head to the Lost Woods before those overgrown anemones start invading the regions you will need to traverse. Get packing boys!" Gustaf left the room humming a cheerful tune.

"He wants to have you just go over there and expects the hero to just be there?" Ana said. "It's not like you can just march through and ask the Great Deku Tree everything!"Groose happily realized that Ana was indignant on his behalf. This may be a sign he would get that date after all.

"Leon and I didn't find instructions on getting through the Lost Woods in Zelda's journals. We're trying Link's notes next." Ambi admitted. "If we find something, I'll send a messenger as fast as we can. The Sheikah have already been asked to accompany my daughters whenever possible already. The invasion of monsters will not get my daughters killed. We also started having word spread about a vision but left out you and added some other details to hopefully confuse Ganon's men."

"Um, ma'am? We met someone earlier who claimed to know the way through the woods." Strich said. The story flowed from Groose and Strich as erratically as it had happened and the looks of disbelief in the room grew.

"-Yeah, I don't think the girl is the hero, I've met her before actually. At the Hateno dye shop. She's... unusual." Ambi said.

"That's a mild way of saying delusional. Wait, you met her!?" Groose asked.

"Yes, she was looking at getting her clothing dyed green because it looks more heroic. Fortunately she didn't notice me."

"Mom, why were you at the dye shop?" Zeldana asked. Ambi unconsciously moved a hand upwards toward her hair before stopping herself.

"Um, I heard about the new line of hair dyes and wanted to ask about the process for maybe disguising you in an emergency. Blonde hair stands out in any crowd." Ana raised an eyebrow at her mother and thought.

_Yeah, right._

"So, should we go see if we can find them?" Strich asked. "I bet they haven't left yet or if they have, Cawlin and Aryll wouldn't be too far away yet."

There wasn't much more that was said, mostly it was asking questions about the trip, weather reports, and that sort of thing. When Groose and Strich were given leave to go and get ready, Ana followed them to the door of the Guard station with a leather folder in her hands.

Groose felt the now-wilted flowers were completely inadequate but he was going to see this bouquet through to its goal. "Ana, I, um, you see... Here?" To his great satisfaction Ana gave a smile. It wasn't a full smile but it melted his brain from mush to a full liquid.

"Why, oh- Thank you! You got this for me?..." The smile faded quickly. "Are you going to be all right Groose? I made you a map for the roads actually. Jess and I wanted to come but they won't let us. They don't even know which of us Grandpa is naming the successor." Groose would have liked Ana to come but putting her in danger was simply out of the question. Her first worry was about him instead of herself?

Are you okay? I know you hate staying behind but it'll be alright. was what Groose meant to say but words failed him again on account of the liquid gray matter. He made something of a gargling noise instead.

"It's okay, don't worry about me. I'm pretty sure it's not me. Take lots of notes." she said before leaving with her family.

"Oh I didn't see them come by here. Maybe ask Olin?" said one guard. It should not have taken hours to find Linkle and Cawlin but it did.

"The girl that bought out my stock of bolts? Haven't seen her since. Sorry." Was another disappointing dead end encountered.

After Strich had flown around the area for the third time, questions asked by Groose prompted a soup vendor to point down a side trail.

"Yeah, sooo a couple people went that way. The girl said she knew a shortcut after asking me if anyone I knew needed rescuing from the forces of evil. That sound like them?"

"Yes, yes it does. If you see Strich, can you tell him where to find me?"

"Sure." The vendor returned to cleaning a cook pot. Groose followed the trail and wondered why him. This trail was not frequented by many travelers. That Linkle would be talking about shortcuts through here was strange, but Groose felt it small in comparison to other oddities encountered today. Wasn't there a spring?

* * *

"Miss Hero? It has been a long time since I was in Hyrule, but shouldn't we be going the other way? The road is over there..." Cawlin had been told repeatedly by Linkle that the like-likes were nowhere near this area yet, but he still had a spear out. With every step, Cawlin prodded the ground ahead as they went. Linkle wanted to move faster and just get going already but no amount of talking would convince the guy his gear was not in danger of being eaten. Even her relentless optimism had limits and she recognized that battle was a losing one.

"Please just call me Linkle. We're friends!" Linkle chirped. "I think we should be able to save a lot of time with this shortcut. When were you last in Hyrule?"

"Almost three years ago. I went sailing to look for treasures for a certain business venture I have in mind."

"Oh? What business? Sorry I don't have much of a head for business."

"Weapon rental! I found some interesting enchanted items out there."

"Why would people rent stuff instead of just buying it?"

"Well, say you want to take this ice rod for a spin but you don't know if you really want to buy it..." Linkle regretted asking about the business as Cawlin spun a sales pitch for a hero on a quest. He looked so much less nervous when he was talking economics that Linkle supposed it was worth it. "...heroes being left without proper equipment or wasting money on the wrong gear will be a thing of the past!" Cawlin stopped talking for a moment to check more dirt for monsters. "Miss Linkle, what about you? Have you lived in Hyrule your entire life?"

"Yep. Outskirts of the desert is where my family lives. Dad died when I was little but we stayed there instead of moving into Gerudo Town with our cuccos. Mom keeps telling me to take over the blacksmithy or join the army but my true calling is heroics." They kept following the overgrown path further. "Where did you live before you went sailing? Maybe I know your mom or dad?" Linkle said. The innocent question had a pronounced effect on Cawlin. The dark-haired boy had stiffened and the haunted look had returned.

"I was lucky to be adopted. I lived in the woods for a while..." he said. That was all he had to say on the matter. For a while the air was filled with the sounds of nature, footsteps, and Linkle's speculation on what monsters she would get to fight. It didn't take long for them to find something, Linkle noticed that something first and said,

"Oooo what is that over there?" Cawlin saw it too. There was a glittering in the air around a massive plant bud. Cawlin tensed up as Linkle walked towards the unknown plant.

"Hey, should you be going near it? Something might eat you! Or me!" He appealed to her common sense in vain.

A loud feminine voice whispered from the bud "Children..." Two sets of eyes widened, one in fear, the other in awe. "Sweet children, please listen to my story." Linkle stepped forward even as Cawlin stepped backwards.

Now many years ago the four Great Fairies learned the hard way about bystander syndrome and what happened when they became Somebody Else's Problem. Travelers did come by Mija's domain a lot thanks to Tarrey, but Tera was having a rough time of it out in the desert. Many mortal lifetimes ago the fairies learned to make their voices and pleas take on almost the same efficiency as lost puppy howling for eliciting sympathy. If they didn't, people walked by. The reasoning of passerby was that someone else would come along to help. The Great Fairies developed a masterful sales pitch to prevent that. Mija would even lace the air with a bit of emotion magic for good measure when she could spare it. Enough rupees had been coming in that Mija was able to really help make things prosper for her domain. This even when keeping enough rupees in reserve to survive a drought decade. First, she used calm despair intonation to capture some attention.

"I am the Great Fairy Mija..." The pitch and volume dropped a little bit and added slight nostalgia over the melancholy. "This place was once a beautiful spring." She could see the girl's rapt attention but the skinny boy still looked ready to bolt at the slightest provocation. "But as time passed fewer and fewer travelers came to offer me rupees." The despair came back with reinforced tragedy. "As a result, my power abandoned me." This was not technically a lie. She just didn't mention how long ago that had been when it happened. They had plenty of rupees at the moment. She hoped the fairies under her command had done a good job of making the grass grow enough to hide the myriad footprints on the trail from recent visitations. "I'm nearly powerless now and I need your help. I need rupees to become whole again. All I need is one thousand rupees..."

The story was a resounding success, Or so Mija thought as Linkle dug through her wallet. Cawlin said,

"What are you offering her in return? We're on an important quest to save Hyrule you know." Mija mentally cursed her luck.

"I can confer blessings and power on those who assist me."

"Yeah but, how much rupees did you really expect people to have on them coming by here? Her quest is really important. She's the Hero! We're going to get the sword that seals the darkness. Would twenty rupees do?"

"I could maybe survive on nine-hundred at the bare minimum dear boy." She did not let her sad story voice falter in the slightest but was getting a little irritated that this boy wasn't making this as easy as it should have been.

"Maybe we could scrounge up a hundred to spare."

"Eight hundred if you want me to wither in a week."

"Mmmmm... Grandpa said Great Fairies are a lot harder to do in than that. How about a hundred fifty? If Linkle has that much?" Cawlin said as Mija decided she did not like this boy one bit. They went back and forth a bit more as Linkle reeled uncertainly. Haggling wasn't something she did well in and she was one of those people would would have dumped in one thousand and change without a second thought. True she was on a quest, but the fairy needed her money.

"...Tell you what girl. Since you do seem like a person of courage and heroism, unlike other people, I'll make a special offer for you. I enhance armor when you bring me materials but if you don't have anything, I might be able to enhance your latent magic if you like." The Great Fairy expended a little power to read a bit of aura. The two did not have malicious intent at any rate. Even if the boy was without a doubt a vile little money grubber. "Five hundred rupees for just that minor blessing and you tell trustworthy people that you meet about my spring."

"Hey! You two! I've been looking all over for you!" Groose called out as he approached. On most days Mija would be happy to find another mark but she was somewhat preoccupied.

"OH! Groose! There's a Great Fairy here! Do you have any money for her? She needs rupees!" Linkle called. "She'll give me a magic blessing for five-hundred rupees! She really needs a thousand but Cawlin is being mean to her."

"It's not mean, it's practical!" Cawlin huffed with his arms crossed. He was not reaching for his pouch.

"WHOA there is a Great Fairy?! Let me see!" Groose looked at the giant plant and the outstretched hand. "Can I get a blessing too if I give her money? What kind of blessing? I've got a few rupees." Groose thought of Ana's unhappy frown. "Hey, can you help keep the town safe while I'm gone?"

"The town's protection is already part of my duty as a great fairy. I can give a blessing of magic for noble heroes that are not greedy little stone-hearted fiends in Hylian form. " Mija said. The subtleties were lost on Linkle and Groose but not Cawlin. Cawlin rolled his eyes as Groose and Linkle coughed up cash. Linkle only had four hundred and twelve but Groose had heard rumors of the Great Fairy and made up the difference. Mija's hand withdrew into the bud. Normally she'd do more theatrics but wanted Cawlin gone.

Groose, Linkle, and Cawlin watched the bud unfold. Mija emerged. Groose realized he wasn't the only person who truly understood hair was meant to rise above the tyranny of gravity. His opinion of the Great Fairy was now of the highest respect. "All right, now about that blessing. You two step forward, that girl has some latent magic but you boy are not a natural mage. I'll just see if I can improve your armor. Or maybe..." She peered at the pompadour with approval. "I can do a minor spell to keep your hair clean and protected for a while."

A massive joyful smile spread over Groose's face as he accepted.


	4. Well Slimed Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We don't see Groose, but we see some other people doing some pointless and some plot-related stuff.

Takeshi, grand master of the Yiga, felt more and more unsettled in the days following the messy summoning. The mixed success would have been easy to recover from normally, but Master Takeshi knew this opportunity was exactly what Veran wanted. To say she practiced dark magic was like saying the Zora practiced swimming and Veran was ambitious. The Yiga clan leaders had become seen a little less as infallible speakers for Ganon's will after Link slew Ganon ninety-seven years ago. The old hideout had to be evacuated and the sacred hole-in-the-ground was a loss keenly felt. It was a very important hole-in-the-ground. Originally talk had been in favor of settling in the Faron region. All the banana trees were appealing. The problem was the region wasn't really remote enough and random explorers kept showing up at the door. One of them had been the Hero. After Farosh took to lurking outside entrances for his own amusement, the clan decided relocation was in order.

They settled on Hebra's icy mountains when they discovered a vast cave network. Very few travelers came and it was easy to blame disappearances on the harsh conditions.

Takeshi entered the council room the night after the ritual to find Veran waiting. The rest of the senior clan members were standing against the wall. She coolly said "I challenge you for leadership with Lord Ganon as witness. Draw your weapon Takeshi." Takeshi grimly did so and the two faced each other in the ring of people. He still was confident in his fighting ability at least and planned to maybe use the magnesis bracers as another advantage. When the signal was given, both vanished but Takeshi reappeared after three seconds. Veran appeared behind him. He whirled about and scythe met cleaver with a clang. All in the room could sense the disturbance in the fabric of shadows.

"Wha-Veran, you..." Takeshi managed to choke out as Veran inspected his ceremonial scythe at leisure. She smiled as black smoke coiled about his limbs.

"I've been learning a few things while you have been neglecting to pay attention to the world around you. Now then..." Veran turned away and began speaking to the rest of the people present who tried desperately to ignore the slowly disappearing man. "Would someone send word to the smith? I have something I want him to make for me." When the bracers dropped to the floor she scooped them up and explained.

* * *

There was a Like-Like. As far as creatures go, these are fairly simple creatures of darkness. They look like giant slugs. They make various noises like a pudding being used as a pinata. They move somewhat slowly so open pursuit will not do if they are to obtain a steady diet. They usually hide in the ground until something steps on them. When something does step on them, they slurp at it and spit out what they don't want to eat that day. Some would find objects to wear, usually the remnants of lunch. Like-Likes are not really malicious as they don't have the mental capacity for it. The danger was that while you can see a rampaging Moblin coming at you fairly easily, a completely hidden slug-thing was easy to miss. Many people in the days of the Like-Like blight had ended up covered in saliva and with lighter wallets.

This particular Like-Like did not have a lure on it but was slurching along aimlessly until it caught a whiff in the air.

It sensed a shield.

It needed to eat that shield.

The Like-Like moved toward it as a cow would move to a nice patch of grass. It followed as the shield kept lurching at the same pace it did. Had the Like-Like been more intelligent, it would have been suspicious of the delayed lunch. The shield movement was due to a small Zora boy at the other end of a string attached to the shield. They kept moving in tandem across grass and dirt. Finally the dirt gave way to a long, wide plank of wood leading onto a rock in the middle of a pond. The kid swam away to the other shore while two compatriots jerked back the plank. They congratulated each other with cheers and celebrated with apples as they outlined their plans for the creature.

After the Like-Like happily dissolved the shield it started slithering about the rock in a manner as close to agitation as it could get. Deep water kept it stuck there but the three children had a fishing rod, a notebook pilfered from Hateno, and a pile of miscellaneous objects to begin testing. Daltus the 11 year old Hylian boy had collected his uncle's fishing rod, a collection of shields, pieces of shields, objects resembling shields, a few rupees, and some toy dolls. Ralis the Zora boy had acquired some fish, rusty weapons, apples, the notebook, the plank, and some of the less valuable ores out there. The Korok brought a pinwheel, some mushrooms, some seeds, and a few bugs.

They were going to do science and no adult supervision was going to stop them now.

It took a little over an hour before the Korok got bored and wandered off. The notebook contained the findings so far. One looking over the shoulders of the two boys would have had a hard time reading the handwriting of Daltus but would have been impressed by the two kids' meticulous adherence to the scientific methods. Ralis was not slowed down much by being unable to see the Korok.

 _This like-like likes sheilds a lot. It didn't have aynthing on top Any proper sheild in proper condition given to it gets eaten immediately. The pot lid wasn't a sheild but didn't get spit out right away. When Ralis used it as a sheild and I hit it with a sword a few times it got eaten. It didn't eat sheild peices. When we made a toy sheild it acted like the toy was the pot lid._ Over a few pages similar findings were scratched in with pencil. The like-like didn't like a few things. It only ate rupees when it didn't have any shields around for a few minutes. The seed brought by the korok caused the like-like to regurgitate a few half-digested snacks. When they used the fishing pole to dangle a toy knight, the like like ate the minuscule shield. Oddly, the little blue shirt on the knight vanished but the two chalked that up to the frayed seam. The tiny wood sword stayed glued to the hand in spite of the harrowing experience. As they were discussing whether different like-likes liked different things to eat and how to catch another with a rupee lure, they heard Jezeldabel yell.

"DAL! Where did you go? I'm bored and I can't find my great-grandpa dolly." She crunched through the tall grass as 9 year olds do. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" She shrieked when she saw the knight on the ground sans blue shirt. The toy was still soaked in like-like saliva and the horrified girl hit her brother. Dal yelled back about science, Ralis pleaded for clemency, and Jezeldabel screamed for retribution. Eventually the girl stopped to stare at the captive on the rock.

"Hey, is that a like-like?" Ralis responded to Jezeldabel's question.

"We caught him! Sorry about your doll Jess, we forgot to ask. We'll get you a new shirt and shield for Link. It's just that we wanted to see what it would eat and figure out if there is a reason it eats shields. Want to help name it? I want to call him Slimy, Dal wants to call him Squish" He grinned sheepishly after his appeal for mercy. Jess sniffed.

"Why didn't you tell me you were doing this! I want in, let me help!" The duo was a trio once more as they continued chucking large stuff and sticking things on the fish hook. The Like-Like had no complaints. The children were delighted to note that Squish started humming when they gave it several things in a row that it would eat. Many things were sacrificed in the pursuit of science.

"...So why'd the shirt not get spat back out?" Jess asked. Dal accepted a piece of red dress which had been hacked off the hem. It was dangled over the Like-Like and slurped up like spaghetti. A similar procedure was enacted for a piece of Ralis' bag. Squish paid as much attention to the burlap as it would a passing butterfly. Ralis said,

"I'm going to get some fabric scraps from the tailor. Maybe we can find out why it didn't like the bag." Dal shrugged as Ralis sprinted back to the village enthusiastically. He and his sister chucked various bits of garbage at the monster while waiting for Ralis to return.

Despite the warm early autumn sunlight, a chill went down Daltus' spine. He subconsciously moved a little closer to the oblivious Jess.

The boys had been tailed from the very beginning by a knight. Tumbo felt honored to be asked to watch the boys and cringed as they executed the plan for science. He relaxed once they finished with the trap a bit but felt that maybe he should have intervened when the creature spat things into the water. This was a favorite fishing pond of a few people and that was probably not healthy for fish. It was a little late at that point and Tumbo settled on the tree branch for another long wait. The Zora polished his spear and enjoyed the antics of children.

Later, Jess' bodyguard, Karane, nodded at the fellow guard from behind a bush before creeping to another hiding spot. Normally she went with proper armor but it hadn't been very good for stealth. The knight was wearing a lighter, quieter uniform.

The woman who walked along the trail towards the pond was innocuous enough at first. It was a good fishing spot, if a little out of the way. Karane readied herself anyway. No traveler was above suspicion.

"Why little boy, what are you doing way out here?" the traveler asked Daltus. The boy tried not to look at the rock he was planning to pull Jess behind. Jess was still oblivious to the change in atmosphere.

"We were working on some research. Learning about monsters." he said. Jess would try to fight back, of course, but Daltus knew that would not work out well.

"How cute! Want to learn about... death?"

There was several different puffs of smoke at once. Insane laughter snapped through the air. Arrows followed after. Karane launched herself at the nearest opponent. Tumbo leaped out of the tree with a quick stab at another. Daltus grabbed a rusty shield as he dragged Jess toward a Sheikah that appeared. It was two Yiga versus two knights and two children.

Jess and Daltus were not able to keep good track of what was going on as they ran. A third foe, a blademaster, appeared in front of the terrified siblings.

As if the heavens answered their prayers with a choreographed miracle, a green clad hero jumped in the middle of the confrontation. The kids watched in awe as he fought off the blademaster then dashed over to help take down the others. It was over as quickly as it began. The four non-assassins gaped at the teenager with golden flowing locks, icy blue eyes, and rippling, yet lean muscles. A distinctive sword was clutched in his grip and twirled before being sheathed. The resemblance to Jess' toy before the experiment was unmistakable.

"Are you kids all right? Lucky I came by when I did."

"Wow, is that the sword?" Jess asked as Lanno started to inspect them for injuries. "Are you, are you the hero?"

"Straight to the point. If you want, one of those guys can try and pick that up if it will convince you." The newcomer unstrapped the sword and held it out as he kept talking. "My name's... Link."

"Wha?" Karane asked and remembered that she was a professional bodyguard. "I would like to test that claim. If that truly is the Sword That Seals the Darkness, I apologize profusely and hope you will forgive me." Karane slowly reached a hand over to the purple hilt. She grasped it.

Despite much effort on her part, the sword utterly failed to budge. Tumbo had the same results when he tried to pry the unyielding metal up. It looked fairly genuine in light of this unusual sword behavior. Daltus stared at Link as Jess happily asked all the questions her lungs could handle. Her chatter drowned out the mushy sounds of the monster on the rock.

"WOW are you here to be my sister's champion? Are you going to kill Ganon? Where have you been!? How long have you had the sword?!" The calm face twitched and revealed uncertainty in the face of this new barrage. It seemed more perturbing than assassins trying to behead him.

"I just came from the Lost Woods, I can't really stay long here, a vision from the Goddesses called me from Catalia where I lived-"

"Catalia?! Wow you came far, did you meet any Koroks? What did the Deku Tree say? Can you hear the sword?" Jess continued to assault Link with questions until he finally managed to escape with traveling directions from Tumbo. Daltus kept quiet and forced a smile. If he just came from the Lost Woods word hadn't spread from the woods among the Korok. Word traveled among them faster than all the other races in Hyrule but given their tendency to get distracted playing, it still took time.

Daltus and the adults present still felt like Yiga could be hiding behind every rock as they went home. Squish was utterly forgotten until halfway through dinner when Daltus remembered the large mess at the side of the pond


	5. Of Corpse There Are Monsters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Groose and company tell campfire stories and find the road isn't going to be as boring as expected.

The day was wearing into a cheerful autumn late afternoon as Linkle, Groose, and Cawlin made their way back down the trail. Mija's response to Linkle asking what she'd be able to use her magic for was a frustratingly vague, "You'll see!" Groose was happy that come monster saliva, evil jerks, bankruptcy, and insane compatriots at least his hair would stay intact. Upon interrogation of Linkle and Cawlin, Groose had swiftly came to the conclusion that Linkle was not to be trusted with deciding the direction of travel.

The signs once again were clear; It was up to Groose to take charge.

Cawlin had no objections. The guy was eager to please people and acted the part of a natural born customer service agent. Strich was a longtime friend/subordinate and would follow Groose's lead. Linkle didn't mean to be rebellious but had a tendency to wander off. Many Gerudo were not used to taking orders from men but it wasn't this; It was a natural desire to explore nook and cranny she could find. Groose took the lead of the walking group. Linkle was in the middle of the group and Cawlin brought up the rear. If he was in the back, others would find any like-likes in the road before he would. It was much faster than waiting for him to keep poking the ground in the same manner as he'd done on the road to the Great Fairy spring. While all parties wanted to get this over with it was a nice sunny day and so conversation happened as they went on the western road.

Small talk as they left town with horses went from Groose outlining rules to Cawlin asking about what the agreement would be in terms of travel expenses. From there talk meandered into who would get any treasures they would get if monsters happened to be fought.

Sunset was approaching quickly when they hear a voice from the sky.

"HEY! You guys wait for me!" It appeared the message had been properly passed on.

"Hey, you caught up! You didn't stop to check on your bug sanctuary again did you?"

"I really wanted to but I was told you left without me. That girl I hired is weird but she understands bugs." Strich said.

"Bug sanctuary? I'm more of a cucco fan myself." Linkle said. "Anyway, we were making travel plans!"

Strich claimed dibs on any bugs they would find. He wanted to make sure too that bugs were taken alive if possible and everyone nodded politely for a bit as he expounded on the proper care of rhino beetles. While he waxed lyrical on the fragile beauty of darner wings, the attention of his traveling companions turned to other matters.

"Sorry we got out of town so late. Should we camp out in the wild or do you think we'll make the stables before midnight?" Cawlin asked looking at the last bit of sunlight. There was a new stable not too far past the falls on this had been so late leaving town that instead of reaching it well before sundown, it would be very dark indeed by the time they would reach it.

"It's not much further to go before we get a good break spot. Strich, you take first watch tonight. You two other guys are in charge of dinner." Groose still did not believe the fortune teller and though they seemed harmless, they seemed to Groose to lack common sense. He did not know these people and there was a faint possibility they were out to rob people. Strich's words finally moved away from the topic of Farore's chosen creatures.

"I heard someone in town talking about the monsters appearing. Word came in, Yiga caused it. Some rancher a couple weeks ago saw them in the ranch where the like-likes first appeared." Everyone tensed up unconsciously. "The Like-Likes dissolve into smoke when killed, just like monsters during the Century of the Calamity. If they're on the move, they could be anywhere. We'll want to really be quiet about what we're doing. Especially if you're actually the Hero Linkle."

"Of course it would be the Yiga clan. They're evil jerks the lot of them." Linkle said fiercely. "Why would they be stupid enough to work for a demon that wants to burn Hyrule to the ground anyway? I don't know a single person who hasn't had a friend or family member attacked by them."

"Who knows why? We nearly got killed by them when we were new recruits..."

"That's- I'm sorry. That's awful." Cawlin said glumly. "What happened?"

"We were north of the Great Forest. A little over six years ago." Strich said "Groose almost died."

"You wouldn't think it but the great Groose used to want to be a knight to sweep a future girlfriend off her feet. I realized knighthood was a bit more important after that attack..." Groose said as they stopped. "Here's a good spot to camp. Cawlin, you get the fire started."

"Okay Mister Guard!" he replied with forced cheer. Groose's jaw dropped as Cawlin pulled a flint and firewood out of the leather pouch on his belt.

"What, how, is that an Adventurer's Pouch!? Where did you get one of those?!" Those pouches were in high demand no matter where you went. The best ones were enchanted with Korok magic and could even carry larger objects.

"It was a gift from Grandpa when he took me in. Long story." Cawlin said. "I don't have a cooking pot, sorry. I'm glad you two managed to survive that attack. It must have been scary."

"It actually helped Groose become a better person. He's even more awesome now." Strich said. Linkle and Cawlin simultaneously tilted their heads at fifteen degree angles in unison. Strich scratched his beak. "Well, uh, Groose used to not be as nice to people."

"Yeah, I used to be kind of mean to other kids before that attack. It's kind of a long story." Groose was not going to get out of story time that easily. Linkle and Cawlin both tilted their heads.

"I'm all ears."

"Me too."

"Well," Groose decided to welcome a chance for people to appreciate good storytelling and maybe enlighten some people. "It was a fairly normal looking evening, we learned some sword stuff from Captain Ashei that night and we were trying to sleep when I heard a scream. I was all ready to go show them Groose is boss but instead of playing it safe and running like the trainer said to, I ran right at a big Yiga. He just did this weird thing with the ground and made it explode! I was sent flying into a tent and got stuck in the ropes! I really thought I was going to die when this footsoldier comes at me."

There were gasps. "I just froze. I-I couldn't do anything and it was the worst feeling. The Yiga though, it was hard to tell since things were kind of dark but I think he was a kid my age."

"Was it a new initiate?" Linkle asked. It was said that before teaching children Shadow Arts, Yiga initiated children with a blood sacrifice to Ganon. "Did he try to slit your throat?"

"No. He pretended to slit my throat."

Linkle's jaw dropped. Groose kept going. "I think he was shaking as much as I was. The guy sounded scared too, maybe as scared as me! I didn't understand at first. It broke my brain." All Yiga were evil and would follow Ganon mindlessly, so he thought. It really just did not match what Groose knew of the world.

Strich impaled a mushroom on a stick as he said, "We thought he was dead for sure. Lindson kept poking him with stuff to see if he was a poe." It was a time honored method of testing to see if someone was a ghost. As Shakespeare had Marcellus use the poke-guy-to-see-if-solid method, so too had Hyruleans established the effectiveness of such methods.

"That Yiga kid saved me. If he hadn't pretended to kill me, one of the others would have stabbed me. After I had time to process it, I started thinking more about other people. How maybe some people aren't as bad as they look."

A thoughtful air lingered throughout dinner. The only reason they didn't just eat in silence the whole time was Linkle would not be kept down for long.

"I bet that guy changed his evil ways and found a way out."

"I wouldn't count on it. Yiga probably hate traitors as much as they hate the royal family."

"There wouldn't be many places to run, especially for a scared little kid, but he probably found a way." Cawlin said staring at the fire. Nobody slept well that night and Groose had zero trouble staying awake during his watch. Dawn could not come soon enough. He found his pompadour needed no maintenance even after sleeping on the ground. Groose watched the sun rise and prayed to the Goddesses to keep his home safe until he could get back. Breakfast was apples taken off a nearby tree.

Linkle happily oiled her crossbow and sharpened her scimitar as part of her morning routine. Strich hunted bugs and was joined by Cawlin. Groose watched as Cawlin went with Strich. He didn't think the guy cared about bugs.

Cawlin didn't care about bugs except for sales purposes and elixir making. There was another purpose to the morning walk. While Strich peered under random rocks, Cawlin looked in some seemingly random places. Strich admired the effort thrown in the search but felt one should be more thorough when he was looking for bugs.

Groose made a mark on the map even though the trail plan was simplicity itself. The plan was simple, rent horses from the stable, ride stable to stable until they reached the woods, then see if Cawlin was being honest about the woods and Linkle was not delusional. It should only be three days. It would be only three days if Strich and the other guy were not taking so darn long. Groose sighed. Leadership was a lot of work, even for a natural like himself.

Both Linkle and Groose immediately reached for weaponry when they heard Cawlin's yelp.

When Groose arrived, sword and pompadour set for heroics, the fighting was already underway. Cawlin was trying to run with his hand in the pouch while Strich had dropped his spear in favor of firing arrows down from the treetops on the four bokoblin. Linkle was thrilled to get to do something heroic, even if it was something so simple as fighting bokoblins. With the line of sight and how close enemy movements were following the fleeing guy, it was likely that friendly fire would be an issue.

As Groose's two-handed weapon swing went, it was a good one. Normally the time it took to swing around such a weapon made it impractical against faster enemies, Strich and Linkle were more than capable of keeping enemies stunned until the claymore removed monsters from this mortal coil.

Monsters had all but vanished from Hyrule when the Blood Moon was no no longer reviving them, but they hadn't entirely left. Instead of dissolving into dark magic smoke, the dead bodies were bound by the laws of physics due to not being magically reconstructed. The dead body of the bokoblin got stuck on Groose's claymore and he cursed his luck. Cawlin seemed to have pulled some blue stick out of his pouch and was waving it haphazardly in the direction of the pursuing creatures remaining. This action may have had more effect in repelling them if he wasn't so still so clearly terrified of the creatures. Groose got his claymore free just as Linkle and Strich finished off the remainder.

"Strich?"

"Yeah Groose?"

"Go fly off and tell people. I don't think any one knows there's monsters on this road yet. Meet us as the crossroad stables" Groose cleaned his weapon the best he could while Cawlin stuttered out gratitude to all and sundry. Linkle came to retrieve bolts from her victims, grimaced at the stench, and decided she didn't need the bolts which had hit their mark in the bokoblins.

"Ya know, Grandma didn't say anything about how smelly slaying evil monsters is."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am running out of chapter title puns. This is bad news.


	6. Peak Performance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn about one of the ghosts of Hyrule and Groose gets more evidence to confirm he is surrounded by idiots.

Modern ecologists of Hyrule were long baffled by a certain mountain top visible from Lake Hylia. It was rumored to be cursed as no plant life grew there, and a foul miasma permeated the air. Ghost stories circulated the gossip rags of a witch's cauldron which, if approached, would invoke the wrath of an angry spirit bent on throwing you in with some spices. In fact, the Yiga clan had attempted rituals there a few times. They periodically kept trying on the logic that there must be something dark lurking around there with that aura. This, in turn, caused a few Hyrulian knights to check up there every now and then for an easy way to find some Yiga to arrest. It was depressing how often they did find criminals.

We step back a few days in our narrative.

"It's not even a full moon or a new moon. No one's gonna be there."

"It can't hurt to check man. Come on."

These were two such knights. One must examine them as they were hiking to get an idea of the situation. The second speaker was the older sister of the second. Brother and sister both have some lighter armor equipped. A bag with some snare traps hangs off the shoulders of the second. The heavier weapons and chains are strapped to the back of the first. She is unfazed by her brother's doubts. Both Hylians are having to stop for breaks as they climb rocks. Neither is worried about the like-likes here. This is one region they have not spread to yet.

They reach the top. The brother whispers a quick prayer to Hylia when he sees what looks like an overturned cooking pot in the shade of some rocks.

The traps do not take nearly as much time to be set up as they did to carry up the mountain. These two upholders of the law settle down to wait and it is barely nightfall when they hear something. Icy prickles climb up their spines. The words are difficult to make out over the breeze.

"Whooo..."

"Sis? What was that?" the brother says before he is quickly sushed. They both stiffen and freeze with hands on swords.

"...oooo...aaaaame...oooo...uuuuhh...cooo"

At this they wordlessly agree to leave this accursed place. The words become closer and the burning smell of danger strengthens.

"Whoooo caaaaame tooo toouuch myy cooooookiiiiiinng..." the wail is right behind them and the knights sprint downhill, heedless of loose stones or the loss of expensive traps. The presence is right behind them and the knights mix screams of terror with words of prayer. They run right into a small set of lizalfos right as they are starting to feel they have escaped certain death.

Amid the swordfighting, just as they are losing hope, another Hylian appears. His sword shines in the darkness like a soft beacon of holy light. Neither of the knights questions the sheer convenience of this miraculous rescue. When they catch sight of the purple hilt, he caves to their request to try and hold the sword. The brother goes first and then the sister. Both fail to move the sword a single inch. The hero apologizes for not being able to stay for a longer chat. "I have a task to complete you see. Sorry. Be careful please!" he says before he leaves.

This report was one in a pattern of heroics. As this story slides back into the present where Groose is on his journey. One girl was saved from a like-like when she wandered from a village. A foreigner spoke of the blue eyes which did not falter in the face of an octorok ambush. A Zora gushed about sword techniques some guy used when fighting a Yiga. The rumors could be traced to a guy who showed up in the middle of nowhere with a sword strapped to his back. Link followed the road toward Hateno directed by heaven knows what. In each incident he shows up when people need him, does something amazing, lets the sword be seen, makes sure they know his name, then leaves as suddenly as he comes.

Veran's disguised men listen to the rumors with smiles as they sit among the public spaces of Hyrule.

* * *

"You are not serious."

"I can't just leave it there Mister Guard!"

"It's just a blue one. That's only five rupees. Five." Linkle craned her neck to get a better look at the sparkle overhead while the two argued. It was rather high up to that ledge and there wasn't much else up there. Some violets grew next to another flower she could not place.. "As the leader of this expedition I have to say no Cawlin. You are not climbing that cliff for just five measly rupees."

"You don't get it!" Cawlin jumps off his horse and gazes at the blue sparkle above their heads. "I need to get that rupee! Especially with the like-likes eating them. Every little rupee will be needed for the economy! Families will rely on that currency to keep the economy going! The populace will wither and die without precious rupees! The horses need a little break anyway. I'll just go up and get it while you two eat lunch."

"You're an idiot." Groose says. "It's halfway up that mountain and it's only FIVE rupees. Besides, I'm saying no. "

"It's more of a hill really." Linkle helpfully supplied as Cawlin began to climb the rock face. "What if it's a like-like lure?" This statement of hers actually stops Cawlin from climbing up. He didn't stop for long however; Cawlin stepped down and unbuckled the small leather bag to hand over. Cawlin pulled a fire rod from the bag and tied it in place to leave his hands free.

"Here's my pouch guys. I'll be right back down in a few minutes." Cawlin scrambled upwards towards the nearest ledge.

"You're going to break your neck!" Groose shouted in vain. This insubordination was a challenge to Groose's authority. The only reason he didn't drag the guy back down was that he was already out of reach by the time Groose was out of the saddle. "When you get back here I am going to really let you have it!" Cawlin pretended not to hear.

In turn, Groose and Linkle pretended not to be impressed by the speed with which Cawlin scaled that wall. Cawlin sat down with the rupee triumphantly clutched in his hand after only a few minutes. He scooted closer to the flowers with a grin before picking both.


	7. Reasons to Leaf Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We see a family eating breakfast and Groose does not see a Korok.

Hateno Village was a lovely place and her grandfather's home was a favorite place to stay for Hazelda. She liked the apple trees, the weapon racks, the pictures on the walls. She and all three of her siblings had a love of Grandpa Gustaf's cooking. It was hard to say whether she looked forward more to the food, or the weapons shed. While Ana liked cartography and drawing, Hazel's hobbies were weapons and knitting. Daltus seemed to adore anything with research and Jess just seemed to like doing whatever her older siblings were doing. The news pouring in about the state of things with monsters and Yiga unsettled Hazel but herein this house, she felt safe. Logically, she knew they would probably be leaving soon and using some hair dye. The three Zelda sisters were going to have their blonde hair dyed blonde. It was the fashion trend and then they would not need to worry as much about their roots showing. People didn't look for real blonde hair where there was obviously fake blonde hair. She wasn't looking forward to that. Purple or brown would be better looking in her opinion.

"Ambi and Ana should be done with that window order in Tarrey today, right?" Gustaf asked Leon. Leon nodded. The air was laden with the smells of nature, the sizzle of a griddle, and a blessed peace. If Daltus and Jezeldabel were there, it would not have been so quiet and Hazel savored it. Tarrey was a large client base for the successful glass works. Ambi had gone to supervise an installation of stained glass and Ana went for an opportunity to work with skilled navigators. "I also need to talk to you after breakfast Hazel." King Gustaf said more gravely. It probably was about the Triforce or the Legendary Hero sightings, Hazel thought to herself. She wanted to meet this Link. Father and daughter watched the grandfather flit about the kitchen in his usual carefree manner. Gustaf's eyes kept flickering away from the food which would normally occupy his full attention. Bags were packed to leave at a moment's notice and they didn't say if or when it would be time to leave.

The food barely escaped burning. Gustaf gleefully placed stacks of pancakes on seven plates. Two plates went on the windowsill; Gustaf liked to know that the Sheikah guard would get some opportunity to eat. Hazel happily began to put syrup and butter on her own food. Just as she was set to dig in and have a nice chat without little kids present, they heard Jess and Daltus arguing their way across the bridge.

"It does not!"

"Does too!" was being repeated in a loop that seemed to require arbitration. Hazel opened the door as her father chewed on a bite.

"What are you two fighting over?"

"Dal says the like-like looks kinda like a stack of pancakes but it doesn't really look like pancakes and he's stupid." Jess said. Gustaf shrugged and lifted his fork to his mouth. Leon swallowed the mouthful he'd already taken but did not go on. Hazel hit her head on the door frame repeatedly.

* * *

The spectators at the bottom of the cliff were mildly concerned about Cawlin's well-being and mental state but this did not stop them from taking care of the horses a bit. "So you've never seen Cawlin before yesterday?" Groose asked as he fed a carrot to the horse.

"I think maybe I've seen him in passing somewhere or maybe a relative of his? Something about his face rings a bell." Linkle resisted the urge to play with the pouch. Going through someone's bag was poor etiquette, even when the bag broke the laws of nature.

"It's surprising he didn't run right back to town when he saw those Bokoblins. He has been looking over his shoulder the entire trip."

"Some of the weapons he's got would be useful for Legendary Hero stuff. Maybe he'll give us a discount since we rescued him?" Linkle said as the scraping sounds of climbing were heard overhead. They looked up to watch and Groose could not help but ask in a peeved manner,

"Hey, what took you so long? Oh yeah, a measly blue rupee. Seriously I can't wait to get to the lost woods and get this over with, I'm missing out on..." Groose continued to rant at the grinning Cawlin. He seemed unfazed by the tirade. Groose looked at Linkle sharply when she gasped and pointed at Cawlin.

"OH WOW! Is that what I think it is?!"

"Huh?" Groose said, confused. He could not see anything more than what he expected. "What is it?!" Groose uneasily looked around the area. Had they both gone mad? Wait, that was the wrong question. Was it more serious than he thought and was it contagious? Groose fervently hoped not but the conversation did not help.

"I've never seen a Korok up close before!" Linkle's face was wearing a similar grin to Cawlin. Cawlin seemed to be pantomiming taking something off his back and holding it in front of him.

"Meet Rown! These guys are Groose and Linkle. They seem pretty heroic to me! I went up there for a rupee and found this little guy! Great, right?!" He said happily as if introducing Groose to the wonders of a particularly personable puff of air.

"Hi Rown!"

"Who? What?" Groose wondered what to do as Cawlin placed the invisible cucco on the ground and pointed at his pouch.

"Can I have my bag back?" Cawlin said. Both of Groose's companions turned to look at the nothing Cawlin had put down on the ground. "It's okay, I won't let the horse eat you buddy. It probably wouldn't want to eat you anyway." The corners on Linkle's mouth dropped a little.

"Who's Ravio?" Linkle said to Cawlin.

"I, uh, That's my real name?" Not-Cawlin said carefully. "Look, it's safer to call me Cawlin, you never know who might be listening. Can't be too careful, ya know." Groose shifted his stance to be ready to draw at a moment's notice; this was confirmation the guy was hiding stuff.

"Look, whatever you two are talking to, stop messing with me!" Groose barked. Cawlin raised his hands in a submissive gesture and nodded his head at the lack of noteworthy objects Groose could see.

"I'm not messing with you, there's a Korok right there."

"Is Ravio wanted for some crime or what?" Linkle asked the bare dirt.

"I didn't do anything!"

"Why are the Yiga Clan after him?" Linkle said again with surprise after listening to the vacant space.

"The Yiga Clan are after this scaredy-cat? What did he do, write 'The Many Deaths of Ganon?'" Groose was surprised, Ravio just seemed like someone who would keep a low profile. The topic of the conversation muttered something quietly to the air next to him. Linkle said

"Oh? A gift of friendship?" Groose jumped when a small drop-shaped object appeared. It hovered in the air at about knee height. Ravio groaned,

"You cannot be serious? Really Rown? You don't want that Linkle, trust me." he said as Groose's speech dissolved into incoherence.

Groose's brain was still readjusting to the fact that Linkle and Not-Cawlin really could see Koroks when they left. This was going to take a lot of thought processing. Linkle's Legendary Hero status was looking more and more likely. Could Sparrot have been right? Groose was dying to know what Sparrot said to Ravio to make him so terrified in Tarrey Town. When asked Ravio just kind of went pale and asked if it could wait until they were safely in the forest. Asking about the fortune seemed to be the wrong move to get Ravio talking. He clammed up the rest of the way to the new crossroad stables.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought of more puns for chapter titles and this is probably going to be longer than originally planned. Darn.


	8. Stubborn Arrow Minded People

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Groose finally reaches the first stable and we learn a bit about forest warfare tactics. We also see Linkle is in serious trouble.

Few debates were raging across Hyrule more fiercely than the crossbow versus longbow debate. It was the greatest ideological schism since the Sheikah/Yiga split. Friendships were torn as surely as if people had sat down to play New Super Mario Bros for an hour. Strich had arrived at the stables and had not spotted the warning signs of an impending debate. After he'd finished passing the message on to a person to add to the Gossip Stone network, Strich was blindsided by a raving crossbower. A well meaning but equally fanatic longbowman came to the rescue. Things sort of snowballed from there. Strich made numerous attempts to flee the battle but was cornered in such a manner that he would have to shove at least two persons aside to get out.

Groose and the not-quite-sidekicks were a very welcome sight indeed. Cawlin had his hood up, Strich assumed to avoid sunburn. Groose was making a note on the map. Linkle broke off to go give horses to a stable hand. Vah Ruta in summer would not have provided such relief as did the familiar orange head plumage and commanding voice. This voice was not quite loud enough to be heard over the longbowman's set of unsavory epithets towards the inelegance of bolts. Groose had to repeat himself several times. Each repetition increased in volume. Finally the appropriate decibel level was achieved.

"HEY! IS THERE A GUY NAMED STRICH AROUND?!"

"No need to shout lad! I'm just educating these here idiots on proper shooting."

"Hah! As if! You wouldn't even know-"

"Oh hey, there you are Strich! Come on, lets go get lunch started." Groose said. He had no qualms about pushing over two crossbowers and a longbower to extract his friend. Their moving out of the building meant Groose's bulk was no longer obscuring the doorway. This had the unfortunate effect of revealing Linkle's approach with her crossbow strapped to her side. Groose and Strich escaped to the cooking pot outside as Linkle was accosted by the debaters calling for either repentance or support. Ravio was already brewing some elixir. He hastily hid some of the ingredients when he saw Strich coming. Something about the way Strich talked about bugs earlier made it obvious cooking darners in front of him was a bad idea.

"Hey buddy! What is all the fuss about in there?"

"Hey, Cawlin, don't go in there if you value your life, it's bow controversy in there." Strich said as he sat down and relished the tranquility. Ravio got the faraway look in his eyes, it was the one Groose had seen before Ravio went after the blue rupee. He set down an empty bottle on a stool. Fear of talking to people was slowly replaced by silent machinations.

"I think I'll go propose a demonstration. A friendly competition should solve things. Of course they'll need ammunition for a shooting contest... Here's a bottle for when the elixir is done." The dark haired boy seemed to have forgotten his haste and paranoia for the moment. He still had his hood up but was actually humming a little as he went to go do some capitalism.

It did not take long for Groose to fill Strich in on what he'd missed. "... and to add insult to injury, I had to pay the fee to have the stable hand do a quick watering and feeding of the horses. Linkle spent her savings on the fairy and R-Cawlin insisted it should be considered business travel expenses for contractual whatever." He spilled a bit of elixir over the sides as he poured.

"Oh." Strich remembered something he heard from the messenger Rito earlier. "Maybe that girl is the Legendary Hero? It doesn't make sense though, I heard from Medli that the Hero has been going around rescuing people and doing some trials. He's got the Sword that Seals the Darkness!"

"WHAT?!"

"I guess we've been wasting our time trying to get to the forest. Hope Linkle doesn't get mad." Strich threw in some duck meat with radishes. "Medli also said the guy might be on this road too. We'll probably run in to him."

"I want to see if this is the real deal too. He has the sword?"

"People can't pick it up. Link hasn't officially met up with the royal family but he rescued Ana's little brother and sister from Yiga a few days ago." Groose was jealous now, he should have been the one to save Zeldana's beloved siblings. Oh well. At the moment he was more concerned about the mission Gustaf assigned him.

"Oh, and someone is saying that there's like-likes in the Woodland Region. Just so you know. Some guy claims that they ate his pants." Groose did not like the sound of that. Losing a shield or rupees was bad enough but that was just humiliating. "Should we go rescue Linkle and Cawlin from the fanatics?"

Groose was not looking forward to that. Also there was something bothering him about this particular stable. All stables had a set of comforts designed for catering to travelers. This was a new stable, carefully constructed in the same manner, but something was still missing. The Hateno tech lightning rod was still affixed to the roof and there were cooking pots out for public use so that wasn't it.

If he'd asked Ravio or Linkle they would have been able to spot it sooner. The lack of dog was a major oversight in a Stable. As Groose and Strich were talking, Ravio managed to get a good sale of ammunition out and was carefully stowing away his profits. Linkle would normally have been happy to participate but the arguing was fairly distracting. They both also wanted to get back on the road as soon as the horses were taken care of. Ravio was sorting the pouch when he heard the voice of a Korok.

"Hey! Ravio! Rown said you're back!" That word already spread here before their arrival did not surprise Ravio.

"Why are you so close to a Stables? I thought you avoided them?"

"There's no dog here right now! Oh it's awful, the Woodland Stable has PUPPIES! There's so many of them and they want to play fetch!" Having a horde of loud creatures that wanted to chew on him was clearly a scary thought for the Korok. The little face looked up at Ravio with a very important question after he calmed down a little. "Can we play?"

"First I need to get back to see Grandpa. It's really important."

"Oh yeah! Just be careful, there's been a lot of Bad Guys hanging around at the forest entrances."

"What!?"

"Yeah, it's been really fun actually. See we found your old clothes and mask. They are all really scared of it! It's half rotten and we make sure to keep it in the mists. The Skull Kid stuck some strings on it and made a puppet for us. It's really scary! The other day Mekar managed to replace all their food with leaves too so they had to go buy more at the stables. And you should hear what we did with some vines and fish the other night..." It seemed that Yiga did not scare the Korok as much as dogs that wanted to chase them.

"As if it wasn't scary enough being back in Hyrule. why are they there, did Veran find out I'm alive?!"

"I don't think so, we heard them talking. The bad guys want to try and catch the Hero before they get the sword. We're not letting them do that."

"What if they catch us going in or out? I think I found a Hero by the way."

"We've got more fish and a lot of cucco feathers!" Ravio raised an eyebrow at the confident little guy. He would have preferred stronger anti-ninja measures but the prank wars of the Koroks were taken rather seriously. The Deku Tree forbade going into the Yiga Clan hideout for safety; when the forest itself was under assault restrictions were much more relaxed. He was dying to hear the details but before he gave in to curiosity the Korok kept going. "Oh yeah, Rown forgot to tell you, some of the bad guys said Veran is in charge of the bad guy group now."

At this, Ravio nearly fainted. 

* * *

The most notable thing about Ashei was that she had a sword AND shield. This was no small matter given where she was stationed and many asked her what she did. Not many were able to boast they had not lost a single bit of gear to the like-like blight.

_First - Be aware of your surroundings. This isn't just for avoiding like-likes, yeah?_

Captain Ashei was enjoying her day off and unwrapped the sandwich. Her enjoyment of this lunch was not to last uninterrupted. She heard the telltale squishing sounds and sighed. If she went to kill it chances were likely the goo would get on her hands or food. This was going to be done the hard way and besides, might as well mess with the monster for a bit.

 _Second - If you see one or hear one, remain calm. Sprinting makes it likely you will trip on something and if you panic it might corner you somewhere. They're slower than flowing honey. Just walk away._ The captain got up and moseyed in the opposite direction of the like-like that was making its way across the field. There was no need to rush. This was a good sandwich and there was even some goat cheese in it. _Third- Like-likes don't climb. Just walk up some stairs or climb a wall if you need to. Once you are up there, you can poke it to death from a safe distance._

Ashei found a favorite spot of ruins wall where she could watch the road and have a seat. The like-like below did not express any opinion regarding the manner in which it had been thwarted. Ashei saw a red ponytail approaching from the south and waved. It would look bad if the monster ate passerby so it was time to take it out after all. Ashei wrapped up the sandwich and jabbed the creature until it disappeared in a puff of black-purple smoke. The owner of the ponytail called out in greeting.

"Ashei! Have you seen my Aryll?"

"No, was she distracted on the road or did something happen?" Ashei recognized the blacksmith. Medilia was one of the people which the Knights would commission for making and repairing armor. She did an amazing job with armor although keeping up with the workload was much harder after her husband's death. It was not uncommon for Medilia to send Aryll on errands so she could keep working. Lately Medilia was more careful about where she would send Aryll.

"She left a note, said she needed to go save Hyrule! She knows she is not allowed to go adventuring until she's at least sixteen!" Medilia showed the note to Ashei as she fussed. It read:

_Mom,_

_I'm going to save Hyrule from Ganon. It'll be fine, I'm the Legendary Hero! I've got Grandma's crossbow. I also have my shield and scimitar too in case I want to practice before I get the Sword that Seals the Darkness. I'll be home soon. I can't let Yiga bully anyone else_

_Love, Aryll._

_P.S. I think I might start asking people to call me Linkle and make it easier for people to recognize me._

"If monsters are on the move, then the Yiga are going to be out too!" Medilia nearly wailed. Ashei nodded. She'd heard Medilia tell Linkle these rules. Linkle was not allowed to go adventuring until 16, not allowed to go solo adventuring until 18, not allowed to hunt Molduga until 21, and not allowed to date until she was at least 25. "Aryll's head is way too full of those silly nonsense stories from my mother in law. What if she gets caught by Arn's killers?!" Ashei was worried too now. Aryll was way too gullible for traveling by herself. Medilia had already lost one person too many to those jerks.

"Last I heard she was going to the Woodlands. With her sense of direction she's probably at Zora's Domain. I'll help get word out for you Medilia, yeah?"

"Thank you. I already asked the Rito messengers to keep an eye out for her when she didn't come back with the supply cart. If anyone asks, I'm going through Castletown then on the east road out." Medilia said before spurring her horse onward. "May the Goddesses keep you."

"May the Goddesses keep you too. Be careful out there, you might be descended from a Champion but you aren't invincible either."


	9. Things Not According to Ganon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Learn This One Weird Trick That's Disrupting the Monster Ambush Industry
> 
> or
> 
> The Fashion Industry Hates This Daring New Trend.

Strich left to fly on ahead when the rest of the group left the stable. Linkle had taken the news of hero sightings surprisingly well and this had been a nice surprise for Groose. Logically speaking, that guy had to be an impostor and she planned to test out that sword. Ravio shrugged and said his goal was to get to the forest as quickly as possible. Groose took lead again as was his duty/responsibility/only way to avoid certain disaster. Ravio was looking like a terrified paranoid teen again. He kept jumping at every little thing and Groose was certain that had the horse been so calm it would have bolted off due to the rider. This was the only thing of note for the next few hours really. Our protagonist started listing the things which startled Ravio in his head. It included various wildlife and oddly shaped shadows. It was so bad that maybe even the idea of accidentally running into a like-like may not have kept Ravio from riding as fast as he could were it not for the safety of a group.

Idle chatter occupied Linkle and Groose. Groose hoped the talking would distract Ravio a bit but he kept muttering portentous stuff under his breath. Between him and Linkle, Groose was looking forward to just getting this done and getting back to Tarrey. Ana awaited, or at least Groose hoped so. He wanted to get back before she left town with her family.

"Yeah, you're lucky to be a right-handed person. Have you ever tried using anything meant for an opposite hand? It's infuriating." Linkle told Groose with some irritation. Groose simply did not understand how much lefties suffered. "A lot of the higher quality weapons too are made for a specific hand. Hey, Ravio, aren't you a lefty too?"

"Huh? Oh yeah. Funny coincidence that. What is that up there?" Ravio pointed at a dark shape ahead which proved to be a goat on closer inspection. It bounded away into the trees without any attempt to murder Ravio. Groose was as irritated with Ravio as Linkle was with the incomprehension of a southpaw's pain. Groose rolled his eyes and threw in his uneducated opinion.

"Does it really matter that much? Just use spears and other two handed stuff."

"Oh yeah? I'll have you try my crossbow." Linkle snarled. "You also should try using wrong handed scissors. It's a perpetual curse." Ravio was ignored at first. "It is sickening."

"Uh, guys? LIKE-LIKE ON THE ROAD!" That worked to grab attention. Groose heard Ravio pulling something out behind him, presumably a magic rod. All three stopped to look at the beautiful green rupee sitting innocently in the center of the road ahead. It sparkled like the water on the left side of the path in an invitation to pick it up and spend it. Groose watched as Linkle loaded a bolt and shot the thing. The like-like exploded from the ground and slowly started creeping up before a couple more bolts killed it. This victory was short-lived. Groose heard a twang and a shock arrow hit the flank of Linkle's horse. Guard training kicked in and Groose tried to get down off his horse as quickly as he could which ended up as more of a flopping motion. Linkle's horse bolted as Groose's horse did the same. He heard Ravio yelling something too and a loud thump. Linkle was up and aiming at the treeline as Groose spun to the ambushers.

"Groose, cover me!"

"Just get that archer!"

There was a lot of yelling. Groose got smacked in the face with a lizalfos tongue as he was spinning the claymore around. He settled for swinging wildly in the general direction of the jerks while he recovered his bearings. Linkle shrieked in anger as a lizard tongue grabbed her crossbow. He couldn't make it out but Ravio seemed to be yelling something like

"lizalfosoverherelookoutrunforit"

After the archer and two spear users in the front were dead, Linkle and Groose turned around to find a wide frozen area, Ravio chasing a second like-like with an ice rod, and a blond stranger finishing off a monster. A very distinctive sword was buried in the back of the lizalfos and Groose could not help but ask,

"Is that the Master Sword?!"

"...Yes. Are you okay?"

"WHAT! Hey, we wanted to talk to you! Thanks for helping with the lizards pal." Groose said as he stared. Linkle picked up her snapped crossbow as she asked,

"Hey, can I see that please? My name's Linkle by the way."

The stranger smiled and held out the sword. Linkle hurried over to inspect the hilt in shock and wordlessly hesitated a moment before grabbing the hilt. Despite the stranger not having a grip on it, she could not pick up the sword. He raised an eyebrow.

"...Do you always try to steal people's weapons after they rescue you?" Linkle stuttered something that sounded like sorry. "Oh, it's okay, let me guess, you thought it was fake. I get that a lot. Shouldn't you be getting your horses?" Groose didn't like the mocking way the guy spoke. Sometimes in life people, for no discernible reason, annoy people. This was the case for Groose here and he shoved that feeling aside.

"Sorry, long story. I'm Groose, from Tarrey? That other guy's Cawlin. Uh, CAWLIN?"

Over behind the stranger a saliva covered hand waved. "I'm okay!" Ravio seemed to be hurriedly scooping stuff up. The spread of ice on the ground was large enough that Groose wondered if he used a blizzard rod. Linkle's shoulders were slumped as she held up the pieced of the broken crossbow. The stranger sheathed the sword and folded his arms.

"I'm Link, nice to meet you all. Need help getting your horses?" Groose reluctantly accepted help from the smug smile. It didn't take long for the horses to be retrieved. Not-Cawlin actually handed over a couple of elixirs when he saw the bruises and cuts on his acquaintances. Linkle's horse was force-fed an elixir with some difficulty. It appeared the stranger's horse sustained no injury and there was a very awkward silence that descended as Ravio seemed to be avoiding saying anything. He also seemed to be avoiding looking at the stranger after a quick,

"Did you get hurt? No? Thanks." He seemed less tense after Link declined to stick around. When Groose finished clean up he decided to make camp for the night. Ravio wanted to leave but most of the elixir he'd tried to force into the horse ended up on the ground. This was the longest stretch of time Groose had gone in Linkle's presence without words being spoken by her. Both boys exchanged a look. Groose took it upon himself as leader to speak first.

"Hey, uh, Linkle? May I take a look at it? I might be able to fix it."

"Sure. you can call me Aryll by the way." Said the hero formerly known as Linkle. Groose picked up the pieces and tinkered. Ravio seemed to be looking at everything but the people in camp. A calculating look was on his face as he said

"Did that guy seem familiar to you?"

"He's the Legendary Hero. Looks like the pictures. Blue eyes, sword, and stuff."

"No, I mean... um..." Aryll looked at him funny as Ravio dropped his volume conspiratorially. He sounded puzzled. Groose started to tie the string a little and bend a trigger back in place. He did not know what Ravio was getting at. "...Sweet _Nayru,_ We need to run to the forest _now._ "

Looking at Ravio in the firelight made things click for Groose.

"Hey, he kind of looked-"

"I think that was my cousin Kishgal."

* * *

Link rode on, he chuckled at a job well done and a scam well operated. The travelers had been a bit tougher than expected or he'd have been able to show off more. Oh well. Something was nagging at the back of his mind. He slowed down and a puff of smoke appeared at his horse's side. "Shu. Good job with the herding. The timing was perfect."

"Thanks. That girl looked so disappointed when you were talking to her, it was hilarious!"

"Yeah. Oh man. Pity none of them died but it was worth that. Hey, did that guy seem familiar to you?" It clicked when he remembered the familiar screaming. Link and Shu both realized it at the same time.

"...WAIT."

"He looked like me!"

* * *

Veran's leadership of the Yiga clan had come with a number of changes. She kept eliminating people who dared question her on anything really which was fairly par for the course. It was practically a tradition anyway. What was unusual was the sheer extent. Over the decades clan law was quietly edited to put less emphasis on loyalty to Ganon and more on loyalty to the clan leader. After many people were either dead or very much not going to challenge her, she made a few subtle changes to the clan laws with no opposition. Ganon was all but forgotten by Veran except as a potential well of power.

Other things outside of Mistress Veran's control happened too. The uniforms were all dyed to be purple and black instead of black and red. There was much grumbling but for reasons unknown, like-likes ate red and blue fabric. Like-likes may have been creatures of Ganon but they really were not discriminatory in who they'd annoy.

Sasuke was one of the older members of the clan that managed to not be struck down by a fireball on a whim of Veran's. He knew where the changes were all going and decided to just wait it out. Ganon was much more powerful than this upstart and Sasuke had a sense of self-preservation which led him to stay in the middle ranks. Sure he was eligible to challenge the leaders for the past few years but there was a lot of risks in that position. Veran was a whole new level of dangerous even before she'd mastered shadow magic. She now had a few more shadow constructs to do her bidding courtesy of the various spells she used. She also changed the leader uniform too for the sake of fashion.

Veran was particulary irritable today; Some of the henchpeople stationed on hero ambush duty were saying they'd seen a ghost in the mists. They also just had been really unlucky or cursed with everything. Vines kept tripping them where no vegetation had been before. Bananas turned into mush the moment a back was turned. One guy went to draw his windcleaver one night and found it glued into the sheath, as were all the other sheathed weapons in the area. Whenever they went to ambush travelers for supplies, the travelers would suddenly change course to an unguarded route or simply turn around. The normally level headed Tekkan swore he saw a lost Yiga being devoured by the swirling fog.

Veran called a meeting with the leaders to demand answers. All the council who weren't on duty wished they were anywhere else. Wardrobe modifications did not help. There was no denying it. That hat looked ridiculous. Yiga blademaster Sasuke could no longer ignore Veran's headwear. He was fairly certain it was a test of loyalty, nothing less than iron self control or devotion would keep people from snickering at the odd crab-claw-appendage which seemed to be perched on her hair. He idly wondered how much magic Veran spent on keeping that hat upright. Sasuke silently thanked Ganon for the mask he wore.

They all were lined up as Veran quietly paced. The hat bobbed. The examination from her dark red eyes was almost physically painful to endure. A muffled 'snrk' echoed from the middle of a row.

"What was that sound? Was that you Lisa?" Veran fixed her calculating mirthless smile on the offending party. Sasuke missed the leaders that would just say 'hey, you' to speak to people. Veran remembered each and every person. No one was forgotten or insignificant enough to escape her notice and this was very scary indeed.

"I'm sorry Mistress, it was a dry throat. I'm sorry! Won't happen again." The woman quivered under the force of the attention and kept trembling even after Veran stalked off. The hat was looming like a vulture's beak.

"Now Captain, my understanding from these reports is that our well-trained forces of darkness are scared of a few ghostly pranks?"

"We are puzzled Mistress. Some of the greenhorns are spooked but we are taking care of it."

"You better. What of my nephew?"

"None seem to suspect anything. The decoy is working as intended and he has had no trouble concealing the Magnesis Bracers under his gauntlets."

"Since the fog is sooo awful, I'll come take care of the horrible scary forest for you. It should burn quite well with a little encouragement." Veran oozed sarcasm as she left the room. No one spoke for some time. Trying to destroy the Lost Woods was plucking feathers from a Goron and they all knew that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do I even name these ninjas? I still haven't decided if it will be more amusing to have Linkle, Groose, Ravio, or just some random schmuck pull the sword out of the pedestal. I am open to suggestions, just understand I may or may not use them.


	10. Deframing Slander

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The totally-not-suspicious guy coughs up partial answers to Groose and we see things are about to get more deadly than ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, this is going to be way more than 10 chapters but shorter chapters seem to be a thing I'm doing. I apologize for the weak dialogue and weak pun.

"Soooooooo" Groose said to Ravio. "You said your cousin is a Yiga soldier?"

"Yeah, look, I'm not working for the Yiga Clan!"

"Yeah, how do we know that?" Groose asked while trying to loom menacingly. Linkle was much less suspicious of the convenient revelations and had gone back from Aryll to Linkle for her preferred name. "Seriously, we only have your word that you are not leading us into a trap and the sword is fake. We couldn't lift it!"

"It's magnesis." Linkle frowned at Ravio when he said that and replied,

"That stuff is restricted tech. I didn't see a slate with him. There's only, what, five magnesis using slates if you include the Hero's Sheikah Slate? There's no Gossip Stone broadcast about any slate theft..." The Hateno and Akkala tech labs kept a very tight rein on who was allowed access to Sheikah Slates. There was only one original slate, the Hero's Slate, which was in possession of King Gustaf. It and Purah's slate were the only ones with full rune access. Others were given one or two runes and tracked meticulously. People in general were wary of potentially getting lasered by guardian tech even now, but the allure of such power would overcome laserphobia in many thieves. One or two Guardians were operational in places but the threat of Malice corruption and lack of repairmen for Guardians meant the tech wasn't as widespread as it could have been. Some odd bits of tech were wholeheartedly welcomed like lightning rods or the sewage processing systems. (Dear goddesses no one wanted to think about what would happen if the Calamity corrupted the toilets.)

"There's the Magnesis Bracers. They're emblems of the Yiga Clan leadership. Hr could probably wear them underneath those gauntlets he had. He could also have had another guy hiding off somewhere." Ravio said. "It didn't feel like the Sword of Evil's Bane. That's got a magic aura the size of Death Mountain."

"How would you know about that aura? You expect me to believe that too?"

"I've seen the Master Sword in person before! I told you I've been in the forest, I know my way to the Sacred Grove."

Linkle interrupted. "Um, he was friends with that Korok."

"Which I couldn't see." Groose pointed out. "I don't have much reason to trust you aren't lying to me either. You could have used some magic trickery or something to make that thing float." The guard glared at both travelers. "If you're going to backstab me, might as well do it now."

"Why you-you can't possibly think I would be working for the Yiga!" Linkle said indignantly. Ravio seemed at a loss for what to do to make Groose believe him and was sweating profusely.

"Ah, Groose, back when you survived that ambush you were wearing a green shirt right?" Ravio said anxiously. This guy really was not making any sense now and Groose did not see where this was going.

"You...huh? How did you know that?"

"I told you 'Pleasepleaseplease hold still until the raid captain leaves or we're both dead.'" Ravio said even more nervously. This revelation was met with stunned silence as Linkle had no clue and revelation of the implication behind these words did not penetrate Groose's brain right away. When the realization came, it broke through like a Sand Seal into a hydromelon rind. Suddenly and messily. Next thing Ravio knew, he was being shaken back and forth by his shoulders and being asked a lot of questions which were running into each other. Linkle somehow managed to calm Groose down, it was difficult to get answers out of a guy being violently lurched about.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!" Groose yelled.

"I'm pretty sure half of Hyrule heard you just now!" Linkle hissed back. Something seemed to have broken in Ravio and words spilled forth.

"I'm sorry! What would I say?... Oh yeah... I'm that guy from the Yiga clan you met in the middle of the night years ago and I ran away to live in the Lost Woods because I don't want to kill people and my genetic family is utterly terrifying and I just happened to be there at the market when you needed me? We need to move it, Kishgal is almost as sadistic as Veran and she's, like, Ganon level evil! If he remembers me he'll think of something really really bad to do to make me suffer. He'll probably do stuff to you just because too." Groose and Linkle decided to believe Ravio. The mortal terror in his dark green eyes was not faked. It seemed the best option they had to prove this Hero was an imposter was to get the real Master Sword. There was no evidence to show otherwise. They went North as quickly as they could.

* * *

The Woodlands guard station was a welcoming place for anyone who wanted to report a crime. The guard on duty handed a cup of water to the handsome young man who'd stumbled in a minute ago. Now this particular guard was also a member of the Sidon Fan Club. She felt emulating that confident, beaming smile was very important. "So, Mister, um, I forgot to ask your name." The young man panted and gasped with his hands on his knees.

"My name's Link! I don't have much time, there's some people who are in danger and I came here as quickly as I could."

"What is it?"

"There's at least one Yiga spy. I'm not sure about the two other people, they're probably going to get killed!" His breathing was less heavy now as he gulped oxygen.

"What?!"

"Yeah, I didn't recognize the guy at first but I'm pretty sure he's one that attacked me five days ago. He's going by the name of Cawlin and he had a purple hooded tunic. The other guy wearing a guard uniform called him Cawlin but that's probably not his name. Groose seemed pretty okay actually-" The guard frantically took notes as the false Link described Groose, Linkle, and Ravio. The guard flashed a reassuring smile at the Hero of Hyrule while he finished the descriptions. "... The Gerudo had these dark green eyes. Who's Prince Sidon by the way?" The guard speaking to Link tried to restrain her glee at being asked this question. After all, people were in danger so she would have to keep it short.

"He's the Prince of the Zora! He's a wonderful person, champion of Hyrule, has the most amazing smile, battle prowess, and is the nicest person you can imagine."

"Oh really? Weird. That redhead guy-Oh I shouldn't repeat it. Never mind. It's upsetting."

"Repeat what?"

"Oh he said Sidon's smile was stupid. They all were saying awful stuff about him. Sorry."


	11. Law and Disorder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Groose gets added to the Laser List.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People took the time to write good reviews for this. Either I've avoided trolls, am writing better quality than expected, or you people are just friendly. Maybe it's a combination of these factors but hey, thanks! At this point in the narrative we have what the Lokomos would call a massive train wreck.

It, of course, started raining when they were on the road. Autumn does that. Now that Groose knew why Ravio was so jumpy he started getting a bit jumpy too. There were so many questions Groose and Linkle had to ask Ravio but it was hard to ask over the sound of galloping hoofbeats and pouring rain without yelling. They didn't want to exactly go about yelling stuff like 'where is the Yiga clan hideout so we can go attack it' or 'hey, can you teach us the vanishing trick.' They did somewhat have a plan though: Pretend they didn't know Kishgal was a total fraud for now. Linkle wanted to march right up to the guard station and declare to the world the guy was a charlatan. Groose very much wanted to at least try to put out some message to the Royal family; Most likely reason for the disguise was to get in close for an assassination and/or kidnapping. Gustaf would recognize the sword was a fake as surely as Ravio had whenever he met Kishgal so a longer con game was probably not happening. The problem kept coming back to not having any evidence whatsoever. If the Yiga Clan deemed them a threat to the plan they'd be attacked by assassins for certain so announcing things to the world would probably result in death too. Linkle still hated the plan.

When Strich came back they'd maybe ask him to scope out the place and make sure that Kishgal wasn't waiting there for them by the road into the Lost Woods. Ravio thought there would probably be someone watching the entrance to the Lost Woods on behalf of the Yiga. Little did they know that Strich utterly lost track of time: He found an insect merchant after stopping to chat with an old friend at the Woodland Tower guard station. The Sheikah Woodland tower was just way too convenient for the purposes of being able to spot approaching monsters and what have you to be ignored. It took a while to take care of the mud but it was now an excellent bastion of law and order. The three travelers were spotted coming up the road from miles off on account of the watchman with a spyglass.

The mob was alerted.

The Woodland area wasn't too densely populated but there was a good size to this mob of about twenty people of various races. Had it been Hateno or Tarrey it would most certainly have been much larger. The trio was quickly captured and only saved from being victims of vigilante violence by a couple of Hyrulean Knights with actual brains in their heads. The three were separated for interrogation. Ravio was put in special manacles on account of being directly accused of being a Yiga spy. Picking locks wasn't an option for him. Groose was fairly certain he saw a blonde haired figure watching from the roof of the stable while they were being dragged off. The figure had a sword gleaming on his back and a smile wide enough to be seen from a kilometer off.

Now in the heavily secured interrogation rooms, Groose had decided this was hands-down the worst night of his life. He didn't know how Linkle and Ravio were faring but he was definitely very annoyed. His oath as a member of the law enforcement meant he really couldn't lie, especially when he was made to swear by the Golden Goddesses. He wasn't very good at spinning lies anyway. The plan to try and pretend they didn't suspect a thing was obviously not happening.

Groose told the ridiculous truth in all of its stupid glory and left out the bit about Gustaf assigning the mission to him and Strich. Strich was brought in to verify this was actually Groose and not some Yiga spy disguised as Groose at one point. Strich spent at least half the time asking what the heck was going on and Groose really couldn't blame the Rito.

Linkle, Like Groose, would say this was the worst night of her life for obvious reasons. There was also a nasty consequence to Kishgal's lies she had to deal with. Her Prince Sidon Fan Club Membership was revoked. This was in spite of a couple of the mob recognizing Linkle from a meeting and speaking on her behalf. She also settled for telling the truth as she understood it. It was plainly obvious that the guards did not believe her and she fumed in her cell until blessed sleep overtook her.

Ravio would only rank this somewhere about the seventeenth worst day of his life. When the cell was locked up for the night he'd shifted to get as comfortable as he could really be in ancient tech manacles. There was nothing really he could do but pray. _So, uh, Goddesses if you can hear me, please help us out here._ He began. This seemed as good a way to start as any. _Groose, Linkle, and Strich seem to be pious and heroic and stuff so please help them save Hyrule. I understand if you are somewhat irritated with me. I've done a few pretty blasphemous things. In my defense, I was raised by the Yiga until I was ten._ He felt that was a good excuse. He hadn't done a lot of things that might irritate the Goddesses since he'd settled down in the Lost Woods. Maybe they'd be lenient for him too? A few days ago he'd meant to only stop in Hyrule long enough to find a Korok and hand off a letter for the Great Deku Tree. Ultimately he intended to return with enough money to retire at the ripe old age of eighteen. If he didn't have to work he'd never have to leave the vicinity of the forest. The fortune telling trou-sorry-man changed that plan.

At any rate, there was nothing else Ravio could do. As for Ravio the state of constant jittery terror could only be sustained for so long, especially as he really hadn't slept at all the previous night. The jittery terror gave way to exhausted irritation, then sleep. If he was going to die, he was going to get some shut-eye first.

* * *

Shad pinched the bridge of his nose and rubbed it slowly. It was late and he should probably get to bed but this Adventurer's pouch was full of a number of confiscated things to catalog. The owner of the pouch was in another room and had eventually given up on yelling about his merchandise being taken away unjustly. When asked what was in the bag, Shad and the two guards were treated to a rather zealous sales pitch. Even were it not the time and place for buying from this loon, Shad would not have felt like spending money on the magic rods. Two guards were helping him and had found food, warming elixirs, empty bottles which smelled strongly of boiled hearty lizard, carrots, swift violets, bokoblin guts, and some crickets.

This wasn't counting the equipment. Most of Cawlin's weaponry looked fairly ordinary. The wooden spear and shield were of fairly unusual carving and surprisingly tough, they appeared to be of Forest Dweller make. It as a pity the shield was half digested. Then came the rods. The fire, ice, and lightning rods were fairly normal but the sand rod was not one he'd seen before. Shad had been put in charge of going through the ledger that was found and seeing if there was any indication of an encoded message. So far, the meticulous account book looked like just what it advertised itself as. It certainly matched the amount of rupees in the bag right down to the amount Cawlin said was eaten by the like-like. The handwriting reminded Shad of something and he made a mental note to check the Castletown archives for something later.

Guard A cautiously set down a yellowish brown cane on the table. It had the faint thrum of magic about it and a small paper tag tied to it said "Cane of Pacci." Nothing in the pouch had cursed them yet but they were still being cautious with the inspections. Neither of the two guards had heard of any such artifacts really. Guard A prodded it gently with a grey stone rod while Guard B glared at the cane.

Shad scribbled down notes and observations in his office until he decided enough was enough. He pushed back the chair and stood up in one smooth motion and threw open the window. With the window open the yelling was much less muffled. The normally mild-mannered scholar was not prone to shouting but it was well past midnight and irritation had been building.

"YOU LOT SHUT UP! I'M DIGGING THROUGH EVIDENCE IN HERE!" The volume took everyone by surprise and the mob dropped a few decibels in surprise. Someone became spokeswoman by virtue of being audible to Shad.

"Are you going to let us bring justice to the vicious slanderers and spies? We've got rope." From her spot on the ground below she could see the illuminated face of Shad praying to Hylia for patience.

"In accordance with Section four of the Great Hyrule Constitution we are not about to execute people without a proper trial and inquest." He realized this might not be enough as mob intelligence might forget things. "Prince Sidon himself was on the committee which drafted that particular section. His signature is on the parchment. It is three A.M. Please just leave this to the authorities." Shad hoped that worked and judging from the tone of the mutterings below his window, it probably did. The dissatisfied mob trickled away and most went in the direction of the Stables. One or two seemed to be guards in uniform. This was alarming. "Wait, aren't you supposed to be guarding the western wall?" he asked one woman. She fled in the direction of her appointed rounds and Shad wrote down a reminder to give the trainer. The man's face hadn't been visible. Shad decided to let the Knights worry about that one.

It was back to the accounting book. While number analysis was being done an almighty crash echoed from the other room. Shad threw open the door to find an upended bookshelf. Guard B pointed to Guard A who was holding the Cane of Pacci. Shad kept his temper in check, told them to be more careful with unknown magic artifacts, and left to go back to the other office. He normally would be fascinated by such a weird artifact but would figure out what one could do with a cane to flip stuff upside down later.

Shad walked in and utterly failed to notice the small Korok that slipped in the door with him.

* * *

The Koroks so far had not approached the Woodland guard station and stable on account of the dogs. Old superstitions of Hyrule said dogs were good luck. This superstition came about due to the Koroks and their dislike of getting barked at and chewed on. Less pranks were played on places where dogs lived and so the superstition came to be ingrained in the culture of Hyrule.

The Koroks had not been idle over the past few hours of the interrogation and were going to cause trouble for this evil liar who dared to pretend to be Mr. Hero.

After they solved the problem of the dogs barking at them. One particularly brave Korok had gone on a mission to distract the puppies. There was an unexpected, yet welcome, side effect. The pack of canines barking up a storm at the stable had awakened the liar. Kishgal showed a bit of his true colors to the stablemaster when demanding the dogs be locked up with an angry tirade. When all the dogs were locked securely away, the Koroks were given free reign. The stable had a resident cucco which would make things far more interesting indeed. It quietly vanished from the stable mid-cluck.

* * *

Guard C had not been labeled yet. He and Guard D were the ones from the courtyard and were full of righteous indignation. It was also their duty to make sure that filthy slanderers of Prince Sidon's good smile got what was coming to them. Guard D slipped quietly into the Captain's office and fiddled with a Sheikah Slate while Guard C kept watch. She pulled up the pictures of the three slimy criminals and hastily added them to the Guardian Laser List. (That wasn't the official name but most Knights called it the laser list.)

The four Guardians used by the Woodland Guard Station would be able to stop the criminals in the event of the escape. Normally they were set to track un-convicted criminals but not kill. The Laser List addition would take care of that.


	12. Sheer Bad Cluck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We see where Strich went, and that he's actually a pretty good friend. The Woodland Guard Station is not ready for the Koroks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will let you know if I rewrite that last chapter. I feel like the interrogation of Linkle should have been very interesting. I wasn't planning on major rewrites until the end but that rule may have to be broken.

Strich desperately wanted to walk and give his wings a rest but after having been attacked by like-likes twice that night he was not about to try it. The Stable wasn't that far away; the plan was to request a morning wake up once the guard station as open for the day. Strich had spent hours trying to gather enough things to sell to make up the difference between what he had, and the bail money needed for Groose. He'd have to sell some of the bugs he'd picked up. Strich reluctantly decided that he didn't have any other recourse at this point and childhood friends were more important than rhino beetles. He'd worry about Ravio and Linkle later.

He belatedly realized when he was almost there that if he spent money on a bed, there would not be enough rupees in the morning. Strich found a tree that looked like he wouldn't fall out and settled in. Hopefully the cucco at the stables would be loud enough to be heard from here.

Strich did indeed awaken when he heard the first crow. Odd: it didn't look that bright out. He, despite good intentions, drifted a little. It was four in the morning after all.

The second crow definitely had him up. Strich frantically stumbled upright and took to the skies.

On the third crow he pinpointed the direction. He could see a cloud of birds surrounding the stable easily from where he was flying. There was a good deal of yelling and obscenities as a blond man sprinted for his life. He wasn't the only one. A Goron tried his level best to curl up under a table while a Hylian sprinted for the trees. The blond man ran right into an oddly placed piece of pottery which definitely had not been there half an hour ago and was swallowed by the monster hiding underneath.

Even worse, the cuccos did not seem to be localized merely at the stable. Some had left off the attack and usually a cucco horde was maybe fifty birds in a particulary bad set. The storm of birds had cuccos scratching in the dirt road, perched on the roof, and Strich swore he saw some poultry flapping about the windows of the guard station up the hill.

Furthermore, the ground was covered in potential like-like lures. Strich didn't dare land anywhere. Objects and small denomination rupees littered the grass and judging from how many stable visitors were being accosted by slug things, at least ten percent were like-likes.

Speaking of the guard station, there was yelling coming from there too. Strich landed on the wall and tried to snipe some monsters. Where he was, he was hoping to make sense of some of what was happening. As a fellow knight ran past he called out,

"What in Hylia's name is going on here?!"

"I don't know, I woke up and there's cuccos and like-likes everywhere! Someone greased the rooftops, A sheikah slid off during patrol! Actually it came in handy, we managed to catch a couple of Yiga. _Dontstepbackwardstheresacuccorightbehindyou."_ Strich gingerly turned around and shooed the cucco away as carefully and gently as he could. A loud drill-sergeant type voice yelled across the courtyard to demand who put glue on the doorknobs. A purple and black clad fellow was launched backwards from a bush into a red rupee and promptly slimed by the hiding like-like. In fact, every direction Strich turned it seemed some sort of chaos was occurring. Most of it seemed to be directed towards purple and black wearing ninjas but some other people such as that Goron seemed to have become collateral damage.

A voice that sounded vaguely familiar called out Strich's name. Strich carefully turned to look down at a cell window.

"STRICH! Hey, someone is going to hurt those cuccos! You have to help the poor little things!" Linkle yelled from the bars. It took a moment for Strich to catch on.

"You're worried about the chickens?! What about everyone else? Are you mad?"

The next cell over had an orange patch appear in it.

"WAIT WHAT." Groose peered out at the localized chicken/like-like apocalypse. "What is even going on out there?!"

"Those innocent birds are in danger!" the Gerudo girl said with panic in her voice. She startled and turned to look in her cell. "Wait, I'm coming to help the cuccos. See you soon Strich! The Koroks are busting us out of here!" Linkle disappeared from view entirely.

"HEY. " Groose said angrily. "We should not be breaking the law like this and- _Hey!"_ The orange patch vanished too. Strich flapped over to the window and cautiously looked in when he was sure he was not going to be slimed. A small Sheikah slate floated past the open cell door as Strich's beak stayed hanging open a few centimeters.

* * *

Linkle dragged Groose along as she explained the plan to him. "All right so the plan is we follow the Koroks so we don't run into any of the Like-likes. Don't ask how they managed to do this. Apparently they were planning more but the impostor woke up before they were done." Linkle and Groose ran face first into a purple and black clad blademaster. The idiot was trying to use a windcleaver in a narrow corridor so Groose tackled him while Linkle smashed a chair over the Blademaster's head. Groose followed Linkle as there didn't seem to be much other option.

"Are these guys here to kill us?!"

"Think they heard the commotion from over by the forest." Linkle seemed to have a sixth sense for not ticking off cuccos. Squawks echoed through the hall as they headed into the higher security area. "We get our friend, get to the forest, get the sword, unmask the fake, get my membership reinstated, and kill Ganon!" Groose did not share Linkle's optimism here.

"How are we going to get out of here alive?! Also shouldn't we be helping the guards?!"

"We are." Linkle said as they repeated the takedown process for yet another idiot trying to swing a sword in a narrow corridor. A passing guard finished that one off and the Yiga teleported out. "Saving Hyrule is going to be a snap!" Linkle snapped her fingers.

A thunderclap rent the air and deafened them all.

Groose and the passing guard both jumped backwards and then stared at Linkle. The now rather freaked out guard said "I didn't see any clouds, did you do that?!" Linkle stared at her hand for a moment then snapped again. The lightning bolt hit the roof with the lightning rod and she laughed.

"Great fairies are the BEST! Sorry about scaring you sir, I need to go get the Master Sword." Linkle ran on and Groose continued following her.

The passing guard started to give chase, then stopped, These people were insane and did he really want to fight someone with Urbosa's Fury at her beck and call? He settled for hunting for like-likes instead.

The door to Ravio's cell had some average locks. It seemed most of the effort in the security went into the manacles. Groose suspected the Yiga in the halls were headed here to cut Ravio's windpipe. The Sheikah Slate floated on in and settled on the ground next to a stammering Ravio.

"Thank you! What's going on out there?" Groose handled the chains as he was much more familiar with the tech guards used.

"Your Korok friends brought a lot of cuccos and like-likes with them."

"Tha-OH If you would get my stuff back that would be great Macca!"

It was much easier getting out than getting in to the high security area. They ignored the prisoners asking to be let out in their mad dash. Ravio continued to stammer gratitude as they fled down the stairs. Clucking white things were sidestepped. Groose thought that Linkle's affinity for cuccos alone could possibly count as a Champion ability. There was one brief, terrifying moment when Groose trod on something feathery. Linkle scooped up the bird and calmed it down.

Screaming still happened in places and saliva covered people chased down wires were set in odd locations and something was definitely burning. The smell didn't seem to be coming from anywhere they could pinpoint until they left the walls and looked to the sky. Strich caught up to them.

"I'm out of arrows. Did you see that lightning?!"

"That was _me."_ Linkle said gleefully as they scrambled towards the woods and an ominous plume of smoke. Ravio kept muttering the word 'no' over and over again.

"It shouldn't even be possible to burn the Lost Woods." Strich said in disbelief. Small fires happened but they just sort of stopped after a while.

"Think it's that Veran witch you told us about?" Groose asked. He felt exposed without his claymore and suspected from the way Linkle's hand twitched that she was missing her armaments too. Ravio had returned to the usual look of mortal terror. Linkle and Ravio both turned to listen to what Groose assumed was koroks. Otherwise it would have been weirder to see gear floating along towards them. Strich jumped backwards.

There was a beeping sound increasing in frequency.

"Macca you are the best! Were you only able to get the cane and my ice rod? Oh, here's my fire rod." Ravio frowned at the state of his pouch. He seemed to be missing some stuff judging from the look on his face. Groose happily strapped his sword back on. Linkle joyfully swung her scimitar a few times. "Hey, if we get separated... just follow the breeze. If the woods want you to get through, it'll lead you in."

Ravio shrieked and pointed at Linkle. She looked down at her chest where a red dot had appeared.

Everyone dove for cover as the beeping sound of certain death turned into a laser. Strich yelled something that no one could really make out. Linkle snapped as the beeping started again. A weak little lightning bolt slammed into the rotating turret. The dot of doom was projected onto Groose. He hacked at a robot leg. "This is NOT supposed to happen to people who were brought in for normal questioning!" Ravio waved his cane about and the Guardian flipped like a coin. Normally Groose would have liked to ask what the heck that was but chopped at a flailing leg instead. Linkle was snapping with no effect. Sword violence would have to suffice.

She and Groose chopped off another leg and then the group as one ran through the trees. They didn't know how fast the Guardian could drag itself on two legs. They did not think it wise to test. Ravio actually seemed to be the best at running. He had enough lungpower to keep talking at a dead sprint.

"Okay, whatever happens, get the sword. If it's Veran we won't stand a chance without it. Don't stop for me. I can lose anyone in the fog."

* * *

Veran cackled happily as she called forth another column of fire. It had taken hours of prep work for the teleportation here alone. She'd left that to the other Yiga sorcerers while she'd completed a few talismans and rituals for extra firepower. Henchmen watched from behind her in awe. True it wasn't as fast as it should be, but _she was actually burning the Lost Woods._ A foot soldier ran in to the newly made clearing.

"Mistress Veran! Ravio's alive! Kishgal got him locked up the the knights!" He maintained the salute. Veran spun around.

"Really? I thought he drowned in the lakes or got turned into a stalfos." She said. The column of fire kept burning even with her attention divided. "Are you sure?"

"He's certain. Ravio will be dead in his cell by now. There was some girl and a town guard with him. They seem to think the girl is the Hero of Legend!"

"Will be? You didn't make sure to capture him or kill him yourself?"

"Well... um..." All the Yiga soldiers present looked away. Veran's gaze burned into their masks.

"You did at least kill the others too? We can't leave loose ends." She knew the answer from the sudden silence. Idiots. Kishgal would have happily done the deeds but if he was to maintain the illusion he couldn't go around chopping off heads. "Speaking of Kishgal, do we have guards stationed to make sure no one picks up the sword when he isn't looking?" The five footsoldiers relaxed a little. This they had a good answer for.

It was while she was asking about the security details that Groose, Strich, Linkle, and Ravio stumbled around the corner of the road. Ravio screamed.


	13. An Ice Way to Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It involves angry moms. Groose actually does okay sometimes when fighting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you think if I just kind of go back and fix mistakes people point out without saying anything I can just pretend it wasn't there in the first place? Is gaslighting readers a valid strategy for making myself look like a better writer? Hmmmm.

The Yiga Clan entrance hall cave antechamber foyer whatever area made a good place for a permanent teleport relay point. It was not too cold for an outer cave without lava in it. The shadow arts involved in teleporting weren't as good as the really lost Sheikah tech, but any initiate with the Yiga talisman and a bit of know how could get back here with a some shadow magic. It was a pity there wasn't a better way of pinpointing locations: Being able to get into the Divine Beasts would be grand.

A Yiga Sorcerer was on duty watching for incoming injured guys. Since the days when the real Link roamed the land being challenged the colossal stockpile of bandages wasn't really necessary.

Or so they thought. A little after Veran left on the fool's errand to burn the forest, Kishgal of all people poofed in. He was a mess. Feathers and peck-marks covered him. A rage seethed in his eyes and he silently grabbed a heart elixir before storming out. He was by no means the last man. Men and women of the clan who had been stationed on hero ambush duty rapidly filled the room. One man repeatedly and inconsolably sobbed "The cuccos! Everywhere!" A woman asked for help splinting a broken leg, a blademaster covered in a rotten fish scent obliged. Scraped, battered, bruised, slimed, pecked, and traumatized Yiga trickled in on a tide of confusion.

* * *

Two days prior, Not-Cawlin let Linebeck pick up the bill on a fortune. Sparrot had been gazing for a really long time and it was unnerving. Ravio hoped for treasure but this was probably just a charlatan. His act was good. Ravio wondered if he'd be able to sell in town a bit before the crew traveled and sold things elsewhere.

"My eyes... They see..." Ravio nodded for Sparrot to continue. "I see a sister! You will see your sister and mother soon." Sparrot rested his hands on the table and leaned back. Ravio raised an eyebrow. He was definitely an only child last time he checked. Veran killed her ex-husband after all. She liked to brag about it. Heck, it was a miracle he hadn't been sacrificed in a ritual long before he deserted. Ravio barely paid attention to Linebeck's fortune which was a little more verbose. Old acquaintances coming back to see him and settle up old disputes. Burying the hatchet or not. That sort of thing.

Linkle's fortune shook him badly. It was possible, if unlikely, that Veran would have remarried in the past years. Any little sister would be long dead or, or worse. Ravio prayed he was just being paranoid.

Death awaited him here in Hyrule. Ravio was taking a major risk even coming here to deliver a letter. He should flee now. He could just flee the country with Linebeck. Veran could not kill him if he was on the other side of the ocean. He really double checked to make sure the clairvoyant wasn't misheard.

But if the fortune teller was right... he had a sister. One either dead or living in the shadow of the Yiga Clan. Less than seven years old. Ravio agreed to take Linkle to the forest despite all self-preservation instinct screaming bloody murder. Maybe the Deku Tree would have a plan? Maybe he could help a Hero stop Veran?

Now here they were, in the one part of Hyrule where Ravio thought he would be safe, and his nightmares were waiting for him. The ice rod and the Cane of Pacci were both rather low on power. In a fight he would have to start drawing on his own stamina if he was to get more than a small blast out. The fire rod would only make things worse here for the forest.

The first thought on Linkle, Strich, and Groose's mind was _Wow that is a stupid looking hat._ That was Ravio's third thought after _Oh fudge it's my mother_ and _What do we do now?_ They did see the smoke but it was another thing to be right in front of the people who would murder them horribly.

"Why Ravio." Veran purred. It grated against his senses like a ship running aground. "My dear little boy... Where have you been?" The Yiga ahead of them had fanned out to cover the entrance quite thoroughly. All of Groose's companions were exhausted and somewhat scorched. Strich was surprised Ravio handed off the fire rod to him. A new long range weapon would be useful if Strich had no arrows. The archers were a major hazard for the Rito if he tried flying however. "You traitorous brat."

"I-I-I shoul-should have run earl-earlier." Groose sized up the opponents to get an idea of where they could break through the line. The hard part would be getting everyone through without being fried. Veran happily laid on the grating sweetness that promised a lot of pain.

"Why would you betray your poor loving mother? Why-"

"EAT CLAYMORE!" Groose yelled and chucked the massive hunk of steel into the faces of the Yiga clan. Veran vanished faster than the guy who had a chunk taken out of his shoulder. The goal wasn't to emerge victorious in a fight after all and he would find it easier to run without the hunk of steel. "DON'T LET THE LADY WITH THE STUPID HAT KILL YOU!"

A wall of flames sprung up between the treeline and them as Veran screeched back "I'll burn your idiotic hair into cinders!" Linkle and Strich had to skid to a halt to avoid incineration. She'd been so close.

"Lay off my hairdo! Ravio, you didn't say the evil witch was your mom!"

"It's awkward!" Ravio yelled by way of explanation. Yeah, that would be awkward.

With elemental rods, most people just used the energy stored in the elemental crystals until they ran dry. People with the magic talent needed to fuel magic rods usually didn't due to the nasty side effect of potentially draining their own life force. The Cane of Pacci had no crystals to run off and had a similar side effect when overused. Ravio swung the cane and Veran's hat flipped onto the face of an archer mid-draw. "What do we do about the fire?!" Strich asked frantically. He jabbed his spear into another place where a footsoldier had been a moment ago.

"Working on it!" Linkle yelled as she chased plumes of smoke about the place. The Guardian slowly dragging itself around the corner caught her eye. She yelled a warning.

Groose said an actual curse word when the dot of doom graced his chainmail. Groose dove as the beep hit critical beepiness and got incredibly lucky. Due to the inherent trickiness of fighting against people that teleport about it was hard to tell but there was one less Yiga in the field now. The beam had chased him off quite efficiently.

The beeps demanded attention but trying to fight unarmed was taking a lot of focus for Groose. He saw Ravio swish the ice rod on the flame wall but didn't see any results. The feeling of being utterly helpless returned. He'd trained so hard and now this?

The now familiar sound of Ravio screaming was accompanied by a crackling sound. Ravio was down with a shock arrow in his side. Groose spun to the source of the crackle and grabbed an archer from mid air. A couple shock arrows were snatched before the infuriated archer teleported away. A fireball from Strich set a guy on fire before the ninja fled from Linkle's scimitar. The Guardian started targeting Yiga but settled on people that didn't mysteriously vanish. Groose tossed the arrows underhand to Strich as the laser sight drew trouble like the worlds weirdest shaped cat. Ravio would have to wait until he wasn't a pile of ash.

This was a weapon at any rate. Veran's cackling made him turn and see the jerk hiding behind the firewall with an unbearably smug expression. Groose decided if nothing else, he would keep fighting for a chance to wipe that smugness off. It was a kind of smugness that inspired revolutions for the sake of removing it from a face. Crushing helplessness got conquered by that rebellious drive. Veran reveled in the smugness even as she hid behind the wall. She would never admit it even to herself, but she'd expended way too much power on incinerating this section of forest. If she hadn't retreated behind the wall, she might've had to teleport out with some standard villain excuse. That would have been totally unacceptable.

Strich ran and ducked as best as he could. He wasn't getting a clear shot like he wanted. It did not help having the smoke mix with the creeping infamous fog.

Veran dropped the smile when she realized, Groose was positioning himself just right before hitting the ground suddenly. Veran, unfortunately, stepped aside with an angry howl. It would have saved a couple chapters of drama.

Linkle chased an attacker away from the downed guy. Ravio was back up now and the new target for the Guardian. "H-Hey! Stupid hat! I'm not-I'm not letting you kill my friends!" Ravio said in a speech. It earned an A for effort even if the phrasing needed work.

"I'll teach you your place Traitor!" Ravio sprinted as a dark spot appeared on the burned grass under him. He may have been much of a fighter, but he felt very confident in his running for dear life ability even after the shock arrow had probably fried an organ. Veran forgot about caution and wasted some magic on the impudent deserter. The dark spot coagulated into a spider shape and chased him.

"W-Wow you have really aged old- old hag!" Groose did not have time to appreciate this was actually working for distracting Veran. They needed that shock arrow now.

Ravio waved the Cane of Pacci in Veran's general direction. It flipped over an attacker by mistake. That Yiga retreated in confusion when he saw the guardian laser dot on him. Linkle's foot sent another footsoldier into the side of a tree and Groose swiped a dropped sickle to try and kill the Guardian. At least it did not seem to be targeting Strich. The arrow missed when the ground exploded under Strich. He cursed Yiga Blademasters wholeheartedly as Groose saw more conjured shadow spiders popping up. Linkle screamed "Oh come on! We took out all of your minions evil witch! Just give up already!" to which Veran just cackled.

The chances of survival were next to nothing, Ravio realized. He was instinctively still clutching the ice rod. The cane was really draining when used on larger things so the ice rod would most certainly kill him if he was to break the barrier. The guardian was charging another laser for Linkle. Ravio muttered a quick prayer to the Goddesses and channeled everything he had.

"Stop burning my home!" seemed to be slightly better for last words. It was time to join the choir invisible.

Veran was not expecting her weakling coward of a son to be a threat. The Guardian was flipped over even as the blast of ice slammed into the firewall. Veran stumbled back in surprise. It was a massive power surge that came from nowhere and the second blast broke the wall even as Veran teleported back to the hideout with a curse. Groose yelled for a limping Linkle to grab Strich; Groose hauled Ravio forward into the woods by the back of his Hylian tunic. The remaining Yiga wisely opted not to give chase when the wall of fog ate the fleeing teens. They teleported out as Veran had.

* * *

The captain of the Woodland Guard station was NOT happy. Also a Guardian was missing. How did one lose something of that size? He was almost done for the night with some midnight paperwork when the crowing began. Holst reached next to his desk and, instead of the grip of a Sheikah slate, grasped a cold scaly tail. The slate was later located in the empty cell where the spy had been chained up. At least it didn't seem a Yiga took it, they preferred ominous messages written in blood to porgys. Porgys were an ambiguous message. It wasn't like flower bouquet language where you could throw some violets in a bundle with a durian frond to declare your undying hatred for talking about the weather.

It spoke volumes of the man's skill at leadership that he was able to restore a vague order within an hour. While cleanup took place, people were dispatched to find the Guardian and found large drag marks leading down the road to the forest. What could possibly have overridden the Guardian's directive to guard the Woodland Watch Tower? Captain Holst thought. A few taps on the slate later he fixed the issue and made a beeline for people with the administrative codes necessary for such a breach of security. If they'd been coerced or tortured, the codes had to be changed immediately. Actually, he stopped and set an alert just in case. The Laser List would not have the Criminal Compendium tampered with again. He groaned when he saw an unwelcome face hanging about scribbling in a notebook. Journalism had really suffered after Traysi's retirement and here was a prime example. Much to his disappointment, the journalist gave a wide range to the sparkling green rupee on the ground.

Holst slipped up behind Rita and grabbed the notebook to read.

 _Rogue Gerudo Sorceress Summons Cucco Familiars to Terrorize Watch Tower!_ Holst's mouth twitched. _Knights Helpless in the Face of Vile Anti-Prince Slanderers!_ Holst ignored the angry woman trying to retrieve her stuff. He felt oddly compelled to keep reading in the early morning light. It was actually slightly better quality in terms of headline than he'd hoped really. _Is the Pompadour a Conduit for Dark Magic Signals!?_ Okay. Maybe not better.

"I see you still are rather cavalier with your commitment to facts. This is a crime scene. Your contribution to evidence is appreciated for what little in the way of truth it may hold." Shad peered over Captain Holst's shoulder. He'd finished sending a ton of information over to the Castletown library and came to report this to Captain Holst.

"Wow those drawings are something." Shad said after catching sight of the unflattering stick figures. "Are those supposed to be Yiga or trees?"

"That's mine. The public has a right to know! It would know more if the tech labs would give me a proper camera slate too!" She looked behind the captain. "Oh, hey, look behind you, that lady looks mad. Oh, is that the blacksmith?" Captain Holst rolled his eyes in disgust at the obvious distraction attempt.

"Where is my daughter?" Medilia asked with folded arms. Rita wondered if it was worth sticking around for an interview with the mother of an accused suspect. It as time to create some chaos. In the interest of journalism of course.

"Oh, she's joined the Yiga and attacked the Tower Station. Reliable sources say she smeared the good name of Prince Sidon! Ask the Captain, he was in charge of the arrest here." Medilia did not like Rita's tone. Her attention did turn to the Captain for explanation. Holst would have to navigate carefully.

"Nothing can be confirmed, we are fairly certain rumors have gotten out of hand and there may have been some misunderstanding. She seems to be under the impression she's the Legendary He-"

"Oooo was she used as an unwitting pawn?!" Rita purred. Shad, Holst, and Medilia all glared at the unwelcome gossip monger. Captian Holst had the urge to chuck the notebook at the green rupee.

"Shad? Would you please check the pictures of Li-Aryll with Medilia, make sure it is Aryll?"

"I-The public needs to hear this!"Rita protested when her arm was grabbed. Holst dragged her out and allowed himself a bit of catharsis. Slamming the gate behind Rita was very satisfying. He came back to find Medilia even more worried as she stared at a picture on Shad's slate.

"That kid! He looks a bit like Arn... My daughter is being deceived by Veran's demonic spawn!?" Captain Holst realized his mistake and winced. Arn's murder by the previous wife was a very sore subject indeed for Medilia. He'd heard about that nasty divorce. It wasn't every day a guy found out he'd married a Yiga spy by mistake. Today just kept getting worse. Holst let Shad do the talking when another Knight came back from the direction of the drag marks.

"We uh, found the Guardian. It's only got one leg now. The forest had a large part burned and there's some massive chunks of ice around the area. Judging from the damage, there was a battle. There's broken rods, blood, a cane..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know that thing in fiction where people get kidnapped at birth and raised by the forces of evil? Yeah, not doing that, I'm doing other cliches. Tons of them.


	14. Medical Treetment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally they get there. Kings and Sorceresses are plotting too.

Linkle did not relax as she limped further into the depths of the Lost Woods. The grinning, clawed trees were forgotten. Strich was light enough but she did not like how much he was bleeding when leaning on her shoulder. Groose fared the best of all of them thanks to chainmail, but he was definitely gritting his teeth as he dragged Ravio along. Groose probably had some wounds he wasn't telling Linkle about at the moment. Ravio was not moving and looked horribly pale.

"Linkle, do you see any Koroks?"

"No, but we just need to follow the wind, right? Should we stop and rest?"

"I hate to ask but is Ravio even alive?" Strich asked. Groose slowed a little to remove a gauntlet then discovered a slight heartbeat when he really pressed into the frigid neck. Linkle's eyes scanned the trees while Groose was nodding. A movement caught her eyes. Two small koroks moved into sight from the fog.

"Wait, guys! I see Koroks!" Linkle said with a renewed energy.

"That's why we're here!" Said an oval shaped leaf-face

"Grandpa sensed a fight and said we needed to come help you! I was worried we wouldn't see you in the fog."

"We brought some healing stuff but we really need to get you somewhere to rest Miss! Is Ravio awake?" The oval and pointy leaf-faces cast a worried glance to Ravio.

"He's unconscious." Linkle said. Groose and Strich took the supplies offered from the spirits they could not see. Ointment covered bandages were hastily applied to wounds before the guards dragged themselves with Linkle following the Koroks. She explained a bit of what happened and one of them ran ahead to relay the message to the Great Deku Tree.

"Yeah, Grandpa says Ravio needs to be brought to him right away. This way!"

The drag wasn't much further and the sudden change from muted fog and obscured deadwood took them by surprise. All three newcomers could not help but be a little awed by the vibrant Korok Forest. It was just so bright and green. Hints of autumn laced the foliage while birdsong peppered the air. Linkle kept helping Strich walk past the pedestal with a muttered apology to the sword. Friends came first. "You come with me, Mr. Bird Guard can stay in here, Pepp made beds for guests! You look tired too. Tell Mr. Guard to stop here-"

"It is rare to see so many visitors to the forest at one time... I know you are tired young knight but please, could you move Ravio a little further?" The booming gentle voice made them all look up to the massive moving face.

"Yes sir." Groose said in awe. "Are you the Great Deku Tree!?"

"That is indeed what many have called me over my long lifetime. I can help Ravio now that he is where my power is strongest... If he had not been in the woods, he would have surely died." The tree was speaking far too slowly for everyone's weary patience. There was a hint of worry in the calm tree's voice "...Even with a little power from the woods and the magic he inherited from his mother, that was reckless."

"He won't die, right? You're helping him?" Linkle asked

"Patience. He'll be stronger than before. If you look, you will find he is breathing more regularly now." The Deku Tree was right, Ravio did look less like a soggy piece of chalk now. Linkle remembered.

"Oh yeah! I'll be right back sir, I have to get Strich inside. I'll be right back to draw the Master Sword!" She limped on into the base of the the tree and with a spring in her limping. Strich winced with every jolt but at least the Korok first aid seemed to be helping. A weary Groose looked up at the Great Deku Tree and said

"King Gustaf said to tell you he said hello. Is it okay if we stay here?"

"You are all welcome guests. For now, rest..." Groose smiled despite the burn wounds and kept dragging. Sleep sounded really good since the events of the past few days. A proper sleep felt so distant in the past after all the chaos. Linkle was chatting with Koroks and frowned. Linkle told Groose that they were asking her to maybe get that missed night's sleep before drawing the sword. It was a pity he couldn't see the Koroks, he'd have to settle for asking things with the people he could see. Maybe the magic in the air was starting to have some effects, Strich and Groose could both swear they heard whispering voices around them. Hearty truffles were stewing in a pot and four mattresses assembled of leaves awaited. Bark trays were scattered about with bandages, food, and elixirs for them.

Yes, Groose really liked this place now. It was about darn time they got some respect.

* * *

There was a very strange sort of family reunion atmosphere going on inside Vah Medoh. Teba hated it. Hateno Village had been rather surprised when a Divine Beast showed up on the village doorstep to pick up the royal family. Gustaf knew it would be difficult for assassins to get to a flying machine. Once they planned for the logistics of living in a ridiculously cold bird robot for a week, he'd made arrangements with Teba. Teba still didn't like the plan but somehow here they were, in a circular flight pattern, camping out. Ana got along fine with most of her cousins. The grand-uncle was absent and had refused to leave the library for this nonsense. He'd sent books along for study time at least to give them more to do. Uncle Rusl's kids were okay company once they stopped begging for drawing lessons and arms demonstrations. Rusl was definitely a favorite uncle among the assorted cousins of the Royal Family. Ana decided to enjoy this time before Vah Medoh got boring.

As part of the basic precautions besides wearing snowquill gear, everyone had a paraglider or sailcloth of some kind. Teba and his son were around with a couple other Rito but they couldn't be everywhere at once in case of a fall. Hazel had been quiet when not trying to teach younger kids how to properly hold sharp objects. Hazel liked weapons more than teaching people under 5 feet tall about weapons and no one blamed her for not letting them play with the electric stuff. Trying to convince them drawing or knitting lessons didn't work when dangerous things to swing around were present. Gustaf had set apart time every night to focus more on the Sealing Power with the cousins old enough to try to use it. That group mostly consisted of Hazel, Ana, and the cousins Lana and Cia. It was late by the time the sisters went to bed on the hammocks.

Ana became dimly aware of being shaken awake by Daltus. She pushed the brother away and muttered a threat to tell mom. Dal persisted and hissed. "Come on! There's something on the Gossip Stone network you'll want to see." Ana opened her eyes just enough to glare at him in the early morning light.

"Can't it wait until breakfast?"

"No, really. It's those guys from Tarrey. There's a bounty on them!" Dal said with wide eyes. Ana followed him to the flat glowing device in the control room to see for herself. King Gustaf and Hazel were already there and having a serious discussion about something. Ana made out the words 'Triforce' and 'those idiots' when she approached. King Gustaf was sitting on the floor and holding a small brush. He carefully was mixing paint in a bowl but there was no canvas which Ana could see.

"Ana! Excellent. Before you read the news, I did not see this coming. Just for the record." Gustaf gestured for Ana to sit down. "Can you help with this? The triforce mark is on my dominant hand, you see."

"Huh?" Ana's confusion over what her grandfather wanted mixed with her desire to just grab the slate and see what misfortune had befallen the Tarrey Town Knights. "What are you-"

"Be as faithful as possible to the Triforce mark Zeldana. Also, I'm trading slates with you two." Gustaf frowned at the back of his hand as Ana read the Gossip Stone network news. Woodland Guard Station was definitely in a shambles. Like-likes got into the storerooms too somehow and no shields remained there after events from sometime in the wee hours of the AM. Pictures showed burned forests and flocks of like-likes combined with bunches of chickens. Groose, Strich, and some girl named Aryll (Going by Linkle) were all under warrants to be taken alive. Some other kid was there too in the pictures. That was the guy from the fortune teller tent if Ana remembered Groose's story correctly. He apparently was right to say the guy was fishy at Tarrey.

The combined arrest bounty was 10,000 rupees and generously supplied by the Prince Sidon Fan Club.

Ana decided maybe she didn't want to read the list of charges and glared at her grandpa. The grandpa was unfazed. "I was so certain of my vision... Anyway the Hero's Slate has most of the runes locked until the hero gets access to it, but the map, camera, and transport functions are going to be usable for you. You two should definitely stick together."

"This has to be a misunderstanding. Either that or Groose was framed by an impersonator! No way would he say these things about anyone!" Ana said.

"Yeah, no one is suicidal enough. I'm pretty sure people only really hate the Prince when they've never actually met him." Hilda said as she took back the slate from Ana. "It wouldn't surprise me if some Yiga are secret Prince Sidon fans."

"Ana, would you please finish the mark so I can give the Triforce to Hazelda? I've got some appointments in Castletown today. Maybe meet this Hero. Make sure you girls dye your hair and don some form of disguise before heading out. Lady Paya gave permission for you to dress as a Sheikah if necessary but it's up to you."

"I, Okay? Why both of us?"

"You two will watch each other's backs quite well. Remember the transport rune is NOT to be used more than twice in a 24 hour period. Purah will be all too happy to tell you about the side effects if you ask." Leave it to King Gustaf to work out that sort of detail but not everything else. Hazel went over a list of travel supplies as Ana carefully traced. The paint looked just like the inactive Triforce mark. She'd forgotten Daltus was there until he spoke up.

"The Koroks didn't say anything about the Hero coming. It just doesn't feel right." Gustaf grinned at Daltus.

"That was my thought too."

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Yiga Clan hideout, a dangerous atmosphere filled the air. Veran had appeared in the antechamber with a look of disbelief and a lack of hat. Silence had descended as she stormed through the crowd, Malthus sharply stood to attention as Veran asked a question. She did not yell. She did not hiss. She used a conversational tone of voice.

"Malthus?"

"Yes Mistress?"

"Get me Malice. In a solid or liquid form." Malthus bowed as the sorceress walked quietly away to her private chambers. He heard the whispers fill the air after the exit and no one really believed it happened until Veran had made an official statement. Malthus wisely did not point out a loophole that Veran had made when rewriting the leadership challenge bylaws. Had anyone else noticed, they opted to stay quiet too. On account of his tendency to take out emotions on other people, Kishgal had been insufferable until he'd left to return to his impersonation mission.

The oldest surviving member of the Yiga Clan after Veran's takeover gingerly finished the extraction process. Malthus took six like-likes to get this tiny amount of Malice. He would not spill it now. He intended to keep his title as the oldest for a few more years at least. The bottle was sealed with various talismans and carefully carried like the sacred, volatile substance it was.

He was about to knock on the door when Veran threw it open and snatched the bottle. Wordlessly she poured it into a bowl with another brew of hers.

Veran chugged the potion, chucked the bowl behind her, and stalked towards the meeting room. "Go call the council." Malthus stared in shock for a moment longer before doing as told.


	15. Treehugging

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know what's disappointing? Swords not being claimed like they should be.

The buckets of water and rags were not as good as a change of clothes and a proper bath; it got lots of the mud, blood, and soot off with a little scrubbing. The broken arrow shafts burned quite nicely on the campfire and sleeping for more than just a couple hours in a cell was heavenly. Even Linkle slept well past noon despite her desire to claim the divine weapon. Whatever the Koroks put in the poultices worked amazingly well and it was easy to forget just how close they'd all come to total annihilation.

Linkle had considered waiting for Ravio to wake up before getting the sword but decided against it. She was the first to wake up at about two-o-clock PM. She was way too excited to go back to sleep and besides, the snoring was loud. She cleaned up a little for the momentous occasion and happily thanked the Koroks. The spirits had retrieved her sword, her bags, and the pieces of her Grandma's crossbow. A pile of stuff was being sorted and fixed up at the request of the Deku Tree it seemed. New bows, a spear, and a large sword were being piled next to adventurer pouches. Linkle could not decline when the Koroks asked for the crossbow back to see if they could fix it. She left them crowded around the other sleepers with a little apprehension. It looked like they were plotting something if the guys planned on sleeping all day. One named Chio greeted her at the exit with excitement. He offered a trial to hone her skills.

Linkle was shocked when she failed to draw the sword.

In fact she nearly got herself killed with her refusal to give up. The Deku Tree stopped her from pulling at it with a small push of magic force, then went back to dozing off. This was what usually did when not dispensing advice or listening to Koroks report on everything. The Great Deku Tree often wondered how differently people would think if the legends about him knew about the unofficial information network. Koroks were like having children tattling about everything that caught their interest, everywhere. The Deku Tree was really, really good at extrapolating and analyzing seemingly useless information and having the knowledge inherited from previous Great Deku Trees helped too. He did have some serious magic power as the guardian appointed by Farore, it just didn't make sense to waste it when the information network was there to tell him about how many cats there were in Kakariko village last Tuesday. If he had a use for rupees and a lack of scruples, the Deku Tree would have a terrifying amount of blackmailees.

He heard his name being called and returned to wakefulness with the very distressed young girl in front of him. "Great Deku Tree, why couldn't I take the sword out? So I need to do trials first or gather some sages or pendants or-"

"Child..." The Deku Tree had a lot of patience, but he also didn't care to put much effort into avoiding stuff. "Even the Legendary Hero sometimes has had trouble drawing the Sword. It requires true strength of the spirit to use. You may even have the courage and spirit necessary to be worthy of the Sword which seals the darkness, but it will not obey you when its true master walks the earth."

"But-but-" Oh darn it, she had the puppy dog eyes. The girl was barely a teenager which did not help. He couldn't turn down that expression. It was the same problem he had when a small lost Yiga child was begging not to be eaten, then begging to stay here. The Great Deku Tree sighed.

"You definitely have a heroic spirit... I recommend testing your strength on the trials the Koroks prepared?" Linkle recovered quickly and bounded off to see what adventures were in store for her. She called backwards, 

"I'll finish the trials and prove myself to the sword! You can count on me!"

"That's not what I mea... oh well." He was glad that at least one person was done recovering and ready to go. Groose and Strich probably would be with a lot more sleep. Ravio's quick recovery was evident not only from the sense of his aura, but the fact he was snoring away like the rest of them. The Koroks recovered what stuff they could and triumphantly had the account book when the small expedition returned. Macca referred to it as the Book of Boring things and like most of the residents of the forest did not understand the need for so many rupees. The Deku Tree understood the forest's limitations: Koroks were a pack of nudists but Ravio wanted to wear clothing and avoid freezing to death. He also liked having something more in the way of variety in his diet too.

* * *

Shad finished the climb up the watch tower ladder and settled to read in peace with a wave at the guy on duty. Roland was a Zora given to quiet contemplation and didn't like small talk which worked just fine for Shad today. He unsettled after a moment's thought, checked the rest of the platform for errant like-likes, and resettled. The account book had been missing on his return from Medilia's questions. Oddly enough, this wasn't as concerning as it should have been. Medilia's bright red ponytail was visible on the road to the forest. If Shad cared to, he could pull out the spyglass to look at the thawing mass of iced charcoal where the forest entrance stood. Shad instead cracked open "On the Geography of the Hebra Mountain Region."

It was mid-afternoon when he got a response on his slate from the Hyrule Castle library.

_We found a match for that handwriting in the account book. It was that letter. - Sarahasla_

Along with the words of Gustaf's brother was an image copy of a letter from a small boy which had been received sixish years ago, then promptly ignored. Most people thought it was a childish prank. Others had trouble interpreting the scrawl. The letter was a fairly long one if you included the sketches and location descriptions.

_Dear Knights,_

_The Great Deku Tree said I should write and tell you what I remember about the Yiga Clan. Please keep this a secret, I don't want my mother to find out I'm here. This is top secret stuff! They liked to keep a really close eye on kids so I didn't really get to look outside much but here's what I remember from the caves I could look out of or explore. I think they were worried kids like me would want to run away or that someone might see us outside. Don't worry about me, I like it here in the woods. Everyone is so nice! They didn't want to eat me or anything!_

_-An ex-Yiga_

The sketches and doodles were not very good, but Shad paid close attention to the line of the mountains to see if he could puzzle something out. The letter was much more detailed about the interior of the hideout with hot spring water locations and lava-filled rooms. As a bonus, the longer Shad spent up here, the more likely it was the fan club horde down there would dwindle to more manageable noise levels. They were eager to try their hands at amateur detective work. Numerous wannabe bounty hunters joined the tracking parties too in hopes of obtaining the prize. Maybe he should have brought a hammock or pillow with him?

* * *

The second and third to wake up were Strich and Groose. Sleeping longer would have been nice. It was five in the afternoon and they were hungry. Ravio's quiet snoring filled the corner with the makeshift mattresses. They all had needed this day, Groose thought as he cleaned himself with the buckets. Invisible people around on the edge of seeing was annoying but not as creepy as it should have been.

Both of them were surprised that the sword was still present outside. Groose and Strich dared each other to give pulling it a go. Neither succeeded. The Great Deku Tree spoke up while Strich was massaging his sore arms.

"It would be unwise to try that again..."

"Yeah, my feathers are tingling something awful."

"The divine blade does not take kindly to being treated with disrespect."

"Hey, what's Linkle doing? She didn't get killed by the sword did she?" Groose asked. if their best hope for drawing the sword was dead this was bad news. Also she was more of a comrade in arms at this point than a mere quirky acquaintance.

"No. She is challenging herself with the trials of the Forest... The Koroks set them up for training in case you or the Hero wants to try it."

"Maybe later. Do you have a good way to clean clothes off here? The like-like saliva is probably going to start smelling terrible." Groose noticed his hair was still pristine and clean this morning. It would only go so far in making up for terrible smelling shoes. Strich was already looking at the grass.

"Also, are there unique bugs in the forest? I imagine there's some here you can't find anywhere else."

"The Koroks have stolen many Yiga Clan uniforms and disguises over the past week... something should fit you. The pile is around the back, by the pond. There are also numerous insects here. Please do not leave the areas with clear air. You would eventually be brought back here by the Lost Woods... but it may take a while." Groose and Strich thanked the tree and went to take care of clothes, food, and bugs. If the only clothes they could find to fit would be Yiga uniforms, Groose wouldn't bother.

* * *

Hazel and Ana watched their Grandfather paraglide down from the Divine Beast. It didn't take long for them to decide on a plan of action, the hard part would be telling Mom and Dad they were leaving on their own. Leon would want to follow his daughters into the very jaws of the Calamity if he could. So would many of the aunts, uncles, and cousins. It was really tempting to just leave before people sensed the power emanating from Hazel. The sisters decided to tell them, let everyone freak out for a while, then slip away with the transport rune before the plans they made were shot down. Ana was worried about her friends and Hazel agreed going to the forest first was a good idea.

* * *

It was well after five-o-clock in the evening when Ravio became aware of the rich scent of his home. Was this heaven? If he was dead and in heaven, he probably wouldn't be smelling like the interiorof a like-like. He needed to know if everyone made it past Veran okay. Could he call them friends? He considered them friends as much or maybe even more than the ship crew he'd sailed with. The friendly treasure hunting crew he'd not really been comfortable sharing any secrets with. Linebeck was the closest he'd come to telling stuff too but knowledge of the Yiga Clan would certainly have put him in danger. Linebeck had picked up a vague idea 'Cawlin' had run away from a bad home situation at least over the two month trip. Linebeck felt responsible for taking care of everyone under him, especially the stupid kids.

Linkle probably had drawn the sword and run off to rescue Hyrule from the clutches of evil by now. Ravio hoped they'd remembered to use armor and weapons without any metal in them. He was also keenly aware of the stench of his clothes. He felt he could sleep forever but then he'd miss food. First, he resolved to clean himself up a little because it would be hard to enjoy food when he smelled like the interior of a like-like. Oddly, he didn't even feel an echo of the pain and exhaustion he should have felt considering his overchanneling stunt.

Ravio reluctantly got around to opening his eyes.

Ravio scrambled away from the phantasm in terror. "GAAAAAAH! ... You guys! That's not funny!" The rotting mask dangled right in front of his face. Tasho was right, that puppet the Skull Kid made was terrifying. He didn't want to know where they found the bones to make it look like a freshly risen redead. (Stale-ly risen redead? Fresh was the wrong word.) It even reeked of moldy bananas.

"We missed you!" giggled one of the offending Koroks.

"Did everyone make it here? Did they leave yet with the sword?" Ravio felt an odd twinge of emotion when he mentioned the sword.

"Miss Hero is in the middle of trying to get a better score on the trial we made. Mister Guard and Mister Bird Guard are washing their clothes by the shrine. We got asmuch ofyour stuff back from the guards as we could. There's some stuff we made too so that you won't have any metal that can be picked up by the Fake Liarpants."

"Thanks Walton! You're awesome!" Ravio said as he went to talk to Grandpa. First though, he stopped at the Goddess Statue to say a quick prayer of gratitude. It wouldn't do to forget how amazing it was to still be alive and not in the claws of the clan. The Great Deku Tree would not approve of ingratitude. He caught a glimpse of the sword when he left the interior of the tree which was somewhat confusing. Was Linkle waiting for him or?... Ravio climbed up the branches as quickly as he could. Some of the Koroks followed along and others went around back with their puppet. His thoughts kept drifting between the Master Sword and the Deku Tree.

"Grandpa! I'm so glad to be home! Did you get my letter?"

"Welcome home child... I did receive your letter. You've grown so much. Are you planning to stay here?"

"I, um, well I really want to just stay here. These guys are heroes! I know they can save Hyrule but..." Ravio scratched at the back of his head while he searched for the right words. "I... I think I'll go with them and help. It's really scary but I can't just stand back and watch any more. I really wanted to just find a hero and send them off with some gear to fix everything but I- I can help. Veran needs to be stopped. Also I had no idea I could pull off that much magic! Being in your domain must have helped a lot."

"Good to see you've found your courage."

"I guess! I think I learned it from these guys! I was worried after Linkle got the sword they'd just leave." Ravio sat down in front of the massive face. He'd missed this a lot, just being able to talk with his Grandpa. "Do, do you think they'll still want to be friends with me?"

"Why would they not be?"

"Well... They know my family is a bunch of murderous psychos..." Ravio muttered with his shoulders slumped. The korok sitting next to him took offense.

"HEY! I know we scared you pretty good but we aren't psychos!" he squeaked indignantly and Ravio hastily corrected him.

"No- I meant my genetic family! Veran! Honestly! Why would you think I was saying that about you guys? Sorry Maca." The Great Deku Tree was not prone to eye rolling and no one would have been able to see past the tree eyebrows if he did. He said with sincerity,

"Ravio, I think your traveling companions have seen you as the good person you are. There will be people out there who will judge you for past relations... but you will always have a home here. You are one of my children." The tree was promptly hugged by a smiling, crying Ravio. It made up for the low hug-to-surface-area ratio with how very earnest it was.

* * *

Zeldana and Hazelda set the transport rune to the center of the Great Forest and both gripped firmly onto the slate before Hazel confirmed the transport. The angry voices of a protective family was replaced by a rushing flow, then the sounds of wind in trees. They breathed the air laden with magic, looked at the greenery, and then saw the uniforms laid out to dry on the stone. They were Knight uniforms. One large one, and one Rito one. Ana and Hazel stepped around the side of the shrine to a pond where Groose and Strich were wearing unfamiliar and ill-fitting clothing. Koroks kept moving things every time they turned away. The two guards were staring at a very creepy puppet made to look like an undead Yiga. Strich prodded the handle of the strings.

"...Yeah, I know it's a prank of theirs but I still feel like it's going to pounce on us the moment it gets dark out." Strich said.

"Groose? Strich?" Ana said and they whirled around with wide eyes. "Mind telling us what you've been up to?" A cheerful Korok greeted the sisters.

"Hi Miss Princess!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the error checking, kind reviews, and for still reading these two, three, whatever chapters. It feels cheap to use cuccos for comedy but they just work so well. This story has gotten out of control and way longer than intended, please send psychiatric assistance.


	16. Trial and Error

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annoying brothers and plotting happen. This story is also kind of mean to Linkle.

King Gustaf strolled past empty classrooms and various projects which were abandoned for the evening in the Hyrule Castle research labs. The Sheikah Impaz trailed along quietly and did her best to imitate all of Hazel's mannerisms. The fairies' telltale gleam was concealed very carefully as they hid in bags. He tapped out a coded order to send on the Gossip Stone network and barged in on his brother's favorite library. Since Sahasrahla wasn't actually there, he just startled a couple of off-duty knights. Gustaf left with a quick apology to the confused Gorons and barged in on the chief librarian's study with success. Sahasrahla glared at his brother and snapped,

"Why can you never knock on the door like a normal, sane individual?" Normally Sahasrahla would say three words at a time if he was feeling talkative. Brothers being annoying opened the floodgates.

"It is a sacred duty of mine as a brother to make your life more interesting Sammy. Are you ready for the thing?" Gustaf said as he helped himself to a voltfruit from the table. Sahasrahla rolled his eyes.

"Did you properly plan for contingencies or just go around making vague statements at people? Oh, sorry Hazel. Good evening." he said to the disguised Impaz.

"Yes." was Gustaf's reply. Both brothers knew the reason why Gustaf ever had the Triforce of Wisdom was that Sahasrahla decided he didn't want to bother having to worry about Yiga murder attempts when he had more important things to do. He was much more of a scholar and fleeing across the country would distract him from important things like books and magic artifact cataloging. Sometimes it seemed like Gustaf had way too much fun messing with people's heads. The coded message was Sahasrahla's idea actually: they didn't want a repeat of the mechanical army wiping everyone out like last Calamity. By morning functional Guardian turrets were going to be completely harmless and armless. Knights were set for clearing everyone out at the slightest sign of Armageddon. "Hope we've got enough fighters on all the Divine Beasts. No Champion will be fighting alone this time."

In the evening light he could see Vah Ruta standing in the farm fields. It was kind of the Zora to bring it here for the drought. "Are you heading out with the evacuation?"

"Not a chance."

* * *

"Ana! I'm so glad you two are okay, is your family okay too?" Groose asked.

Ana had to ask a lot of things. Hazel and Ana both had a lot to say really. She started with a "Seriously you guys! Two days and you ended up with thousand-rupee bounties on your heads! What did you do?!" It seemed like a good way to get an explanation. Everyone started talking at once.

"Ana! Hey, um, so there's this Yiga guy pretending to be the hero with a fake sword and everything-"

"-Groose never would be working for the Yiga or saying suicidally mean stuff-"

"-This guy isn't actually named Cawlin, he's actually that same guy who didn't kill me-"

"-It really wasn't our fault there were all those cuccos-"

"-It was our fault! We would have done more but the guy woke up-"

"-The Linkle girl has a champion ability and fried some-"

"-Ravio's home to play! He was thirteenth place in the hide and seek championship when he played-"

Hazel took charge with a fold of her arms and said, "One at a time! Ana, that's Groose right? You tell me everything, please leave out unimportant stuff."

"Well, after we left Tarrey Town I tracked the two visitors down by the fairy fountain..." Groose explained quickly about the events of the past couple days while the Koroks dragged off their prop. "...We ended up here this morning before dawn."

"Dal was right about 'Link.' He probably staged that fight to build a reputation." Hazel said. "That 'Link' pretended to rescue our brother and sister a while ago. He is going to pay for using my siblings like that."

"We need to prove this guy is a charlatan right away before he does more damage." Ana added. "I think our Grandfather is planning to be bait. He gave Hazel the Hero's Slate and we decided to start here. It made sense to find you and ask the Deku Tree for some wisdom."

Hazel's brain was churning and processing the information. They needed a plan. "So with a limit on two uses per person of the transport run per day I'm thinking we do a relay of some kind with the Slate. It can take two people at once and I don't want to try more than that at a time unless we are about to be crushed under rubble." Hazel said as they walked around the side of the tree. They asked a Korok to go let Linkle know the sisters were here now. "Strich can fly out but the forest entrance is swarming with opportunists at the moment. It is going to take time to have the knights called off your case even with Ana's word. I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be disguised when in public right now until whatever trap is sprung by Grandpa. We'll have to come up with a name to call me." Hazel thought of the purple hair dye she brought. She might not even need that if she could get the illusion spell working properly. "We should convene and ask if that Ravio guy has other talents or information." Inside info on the Yiga would be useful even when outdated. Who else would know what Veran was capable of? The matter of the sword was also very concerning. Hazel worried the Legendary Hero would be just as crazy as the stories of her great-grandfather Link. She would take up a career in piracy or something if that was the case.

"He was terrified of his own shadow. I'm not sure he'll want to come." Strich said uncertainly to Hazel. Hazel sighed irritably.

"Pity. We could use a guy with that much magic power on our side. Did the Koroks retrieve that cane or rod of his?"

Ravio walked into view and waved cheerfully. He was toting an empty bucket and some cloth on his arms. Hazel examined the amateur sorcerer-merchant. He looked a lot like Groose described him to be, definitely not like the description on the Gossip Stone network.

"Hey, um, The name's Ravio! Um, did they tell you about me yet or..." Ana waved as Hazel introduced them.

"I'm Hazel, that's Ana. You can stop bowing, please. "

"Hey, Ravio, are you okay there? Were-were you crying or something?" Groose asked. Ravio hastily wiped his face with the cloth a little.

"No-Course not!"

"He totally was." snickered a Korok that had followed behind Ravio. Hazel raised an eyebrow at the disheveled boy who hastily explained that there was a lor of dust around. Hazel had the urge to pat Ravio on the head and offer him a cookie. He was just so non-threatening it was a wonder anyone thought he was evil.

"It's nothing! Really! Hey, um... Groose? Strich? Can-can I come help you fight Veran?" Jaws dropped. Hazel figured this saved her having to convince the guy to help. It still wasn't a guarantee he wouldn't turn tail and bolt when things got rough but it was something. "She-I-they-I can't just stand back and hide here anymore. I told Grandpa I'd go help! I'm not fearless like Linkle but I bet I can help with my magic!"

"Seriously? Are you sure? You almost died back there buddy." Strich pointed out. "We do want the extra help but will you be all right?"

"Can't ask for all my rupees back if the Kingdom is destroyed! The Koroks retrieved the Cane of Pacci, the lightning rod, and are trying to find my old tornado rod. The old ice rod disintegrated so they stole one from the Knights for me!" He realized what he'd just said. "Um sorry, Ididn'ttellMekarandRowntodothat." Hazel thanked Ravio while trying hard not to smirk. Ravio was invited to listen in to the planning while he got his bucket filled. He dashed off to finish cleaning up in private and change clothes.

Scratch that, Hazel had the urge to pat him on the head and offer him a radish.

* * *

When he peeled off his gloves and sank his hands into the water he scrubbed a bit. He paused. He scrubbed a little more. That mark definitely wasn't there before and it wasn't going away.

Ravio rapidly finished changing and marched outside to demand answers from a tree.

"What is this?" Ravio asked while pointing to the back of his left hand. He was fairly certain he wasn't possessed by a demon pig thing and that probably wasn't the Triforce of Wisdom either. The Great Deku Tree was probably looking. It was hard to tell.

"As I told you before, you found your courage."

"Are you kidding? Linkle's absolutely fearless! Groose is loads more heroic than me! Strich is a proper knight too! I couldn't even defend myself in sparring as a kid! I'm scared of just about everything!" The fighting stances all just felt so wrong and he couldn't bring himself to injure people. He at least was decent at archery. The shadow magic utterly slipped his grasp. The only reason the old Yiga Master asked Veran not to kill Ravio was that he made the best banana bread of all the children. Ravio was too afraid to sneak bites from the allotted bananas when cooking. His problems with magic had ceased when the Deku Tree convinced him using magic wouldn't turn him evil.

"Do you think heroes are never afraid?"

"There is no way. Are we going to have to do an exorcism on me or something?"

"That is not the Triforce of Power, Child." the tree reassured a pacing Ravio. "...You could not draw the sword when you first came to the forest because you were not ready to face your past and your fears." He knew this would be a lot for the boy to take in.

"Yeah, well, why me?"

"The Goddesses decide matters for reasons of their own. I believe that you were needed by Groose in the past. Had you not stayed that long, he would be dead. Had you not run that night, you would have been lost. Fate brought you here." Ravio sat down and peered past the branches to where the last direct sunlight was fading. The sword stood there like it always had. There was probably more to it than just walking over there and drawing it. "Every wielder of the Sword of Evil's Bane is a little different."

"...How long have you known?" Ravio asked slowly.

"I began to suspect within the first week when you started to show more of your spirit. I knew when you first told me about some of your dreams."

"...ah. The ones with the clawed things or the giant snake or...?"

"The one where the girl goes to kiss you then pushes you off the top of a statue."

"What."

"I believe that was a memory from a past life."

"Why would she do that!?" Ravio said indignantly. Now he had yet another thing to be afraid of: murder by princess.

* * *

Rusl drank in the sunset from atop Vah Medoh. The chill did little to diminish the beauty. They were almost to the Rito Village to drop off any family members incapable of fighting properly in the event of monster catastrophes.

"So Teba, how on earth did you get roped into dad's plans?" Teba shrugged.

"He said it would be the last time he'd ever ask me to use Vah Medoh as a favor for him." It didn't sound like he believed it either.

"I was under the impression he'd only stop asking to be flown around when he was dead." Rusl said with a chuckle. His chuckle turned into a horrified, "Turn this bird around! Please!" and his realization hit Teba too.

"First we get rid of the children. It's only a couple minutes and I don't want to worry about your kids if a Blight hits us!"

"No wonder he had us pack ancient arrows!"

* * *

It was while they were weighing options by the shrine when Linkle charged in through the grass"I-Who took my sword?" Linkle asked. "Did-Did some hero just come and take it?" Linkle was flabbergasted to say the least. "It was there when I left! Wait..." She turned around and examined the group to see if someone sneaked it past her. "Guys! Help me look!" she yelled to some Koroks that were lazing about the place or hovering. As one, the group followed a very distraught Linkle. The Sword wasn't there. Linkle turned to the Deku tree and yelled for him to wake up.

Hazel saw blue light coalescing in the air and a disheveled boy with dark hair and a purple tunic materialized.

"-ou can't be serious! How did you EEEEEvvvee hi." Ravio froze with his hands on the handle of the sword. He seemed to realize where he was and who was looking at him.

"Ravio, what are you doing?" Linkle asked slowly as a guilty look stole over the face.

"I, um. Hi? The Hero of the Wild said I need to unlearn Yiga combat lessons. I just lost. Again."

"Again? Is-Is he fighting you?" Linkle said incredulously.

"How would that even work?" Groose asked as he brain derailed on that train on thought.

"I don't know. The Koroks say I'm only gone for seconds at a time." Ravio's hands hovered over the hilt. Hazel leaned to the side to get a better look at the triforce mark. "I'm doing better. He used a stick that's on fire this time, you know, instead of just a plain old stick."

Linkle glared at Ravio. "You rotten little cheater! You didn't tell me anything about this stuff!" Ravio held up his hands defensively.

"I didn't know anything until, like, eight hours ago!"

"It has only been a few minutes out here." the Deku Tree boomed.

"Can I try?" Linkle asked. "How did you get there?"

"Uh... To be honest I don't really know how it works. I just sort of grabbed it. Hey, um, Linkle's a hero, can you let her go take the trial? Please?" Ravio asked the sword.

The sword stood there in the pedestal doing nothing whatsoever.

"She's way more courageous than little old me."

The sword stood there in the pedestal doing nothing whatsoever.

"At the very least she's hero material. She's got a champion ability too! She can take over if I die, right?"

The sword stood there in the pedestal doing nothing whatsoever. Ana whispered to Strich and Groose to ask if this was normal behavior for Ravio. Groose walked over and gently tapped the pommel. He was rewarded with a numb index finger which seemed to show it was still doing the same thing for him. Linkle looked ready to cry when Ravio said apologetically"...Fi says you can wield her if there's a big emergency and I'm about to die?"

Dinner that night was an awkward affair. Ravio wanted to help cook but was told to keep working on the trial. He, when pressed for details, remarked the Hero of the Wild was using a sharper stick now. Hazel and Ana opted to let him worry about the details with the Master Sword while they planned with Strich, Groose, and a really quiet Linkle. Moving preemptively was dangerous and so was letting the Yiga clan make their next move.

After dinner, conversation got moving again when Ana looked at the Gossip Stone network and said, "Hey, your bounty went up. Ravio's got more charges on his warrant now."

"Oh that, that is a lot of rupees. Wow." Groose was less impressed.

"Are your cousins doing more stuff to make our lives miserable?"

"Probably. Hey, maybe we should turn ourselves in and claim the bounty for ourselves!"

"Ha, sure. We would all be filthy rich while rotting in a dungeon waiting for the Calamity to get us." Groose paused and looked at the calculating expression on Ravio's face. "Oh Holy Hylia. You are not joking."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm wishing I named the guy Conan now. It would be much easier to spell than Sashasrhraslha. Maybe I should get that Trial DLC? I doubt the Trial of the Sword would be half as difficult as the Hero of the Wild repeatedly kicking your behind into next week. Maybe he's bitter that Ravio gets to keep a shirt when he didn't?


	17. Sneaking in the Castle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The King had a bit of help with planning things and exploiting game mechanics. Groose is encouraging people.

Veran lurked in her workshop and ignored the headaches. The price of power was well worth it in her opinion. She had much bigger fish to fry than cowardly little Ravio but it would be shameful to just let a traitor live even with the impending death of Hyrule. Logically, she should just ignore the little brat and take care of him when the more important things were done.

She had never truly felt anything for Arn but hearing he'd remarried was an insult. It was a fun assassination. Also the child would not get any funny ideas about having somewhere to run to. Ravio turned out to be utterly useless and she had itched for the day when the Master Takeshi gave the go ahead for murder. Ravio's 'death' in the woods seven years ago was vaguely disappointing. It would have been nice to get some ritual sacrifice altars involved.

She could not let go. No one could be allowed to escape her.

Fortunately there was all sorts of fun magic one could do with family. The magic of the forest had concealed him back seven years ago but it couldn't save him now. She was so much more powerful now than back then.

The stupid ritual wasn't working right though. She tried to put more power in to the long distance curse but something kept cutting her off. Something was really protecting the waste of breathable air. She figured she'd finish burning the woods later when she had the Triforce. It was as if ridiculous amounts of sacred power protected him or something.

* * *

Heavily armed people took turns in the Divine Beast control rooms. Prince Sidon considered the additions his wife Tula had commissioned for his armor. Topaz bracelets, anklets, and a necklace were gleaming, ready to absorb shocks. His daughters kept asking to play with the jewelry. He looked forward to finishing up here and returning home. It gave him a bad feeling when he wondered when the disaster would strike. It had taken decades for the Zora shock resistance potions to be formulated and the ingredients were incredibly valuable. Every Zora on Vah Ruta carried one. A rito was hanging around for additional air support.

A lot of zora were irritated with Gustaf and his vagueness but Prince Sidon was very ready to take out a Blight.

* * *

Medilia leaned her spear against a stump and rubbed her temples. This wasn't working. She fought back her tears. The woods was proving impossible to navigate. Aryll was the one with Spirit Sight, not her. She prayed the girl would be able to find a fabled forest spirit that was helpful. It had been a long day and the bounty hunters/fan club members gave her a wide bubble of personal space. Fan club members that did not believe Aryll would slander Prince Sidon tried to help, but the fog conquered all attempts.

She looked up when crunching footsteps came toward her. She looked up at the face with the glasses. She searched her memory for the name of the helpful scholar who lugged a geography book with him.

"...Give me a moment, was it Shane?"

"Close. It's Shad. Ma'am, I think I have some information for you and it is getting late. Would you like a cup of tea and some soup at the guard station?" Medilia didn't want to leave the last place she could think to find Aryll, but Shad had information.

"Is it about my daughter?"

"It may be relevant to her whereabouts." Some fortune seekers were sidling closer to eavesdrop and a pointed glance sent them away. Medilia followed Shad back down the road. He led her to the Captain's office where security was passable, set a cucco on the windowsill for extra security, then spoke of his findings. "General Viscen has given me permission to tell you about some of my findings..."

* * *

Vah Rudania had a small team on it chatting away about rocks. There was little else to do. Gustaf said something was coming but he had no idea if it would be next week or even the next hour. Mostly it was Gorons in the salamander but a couple of Gerudo and Hylians were there on a very strange soldier exchange program. They swapped stories, fighting tips, and checked quivers for bolts and arrows. The Gorons really didn't care about the crossbow/bow debate since most of that weaponry was designed for much smaller hands than theirs. They did, however, have some new tech designed to give Gorons something long range. It wasn't really much but cannons they could carry around themselves promised to be great fun to shoot monsters with. Whenever the monsters showed up. People not involved in the controversy over shooting things sighed and prayed to Hylia that this would be over with soon.

* * *

Groose was puzzled. Ravio was equal parts apologetic and skittish throughout the meal. Groose and Strich noticed that his skittishness would increase the closer Hazel was to him. _Is it romance?_ they thought with little inkling that Ravio was really more concerned with homicidal intentions. Ana insisted he take a break from the trial to eat something in her usual way of being concerned for people. She happily told her friends about Vah Medoh to attempt a thaw in the atmosphere. Hazel had Ravio handle the Slate for a moment before yanking it right back when it said Verification complete. Access granted. The two sisters happily told everyone about the Sheikah Slate functions and Groose was begging to experiment with explosives. Practice with the Slate and various magic rods seemed like a good idea. The tornado rod sounded like great fun too despite warning that it was hazardously unreliable. Ravio apparently enchanted it to try and hover around like the Koroks. Apparently it led to a lot of concussions.

Wandering off after dinner to contemplate the unfairness of life was all the rage in the Korok Forest. Linkle did so. Linkle realized a major problem with the Korok Forest: Zero privacy for going out and trying to throw a self-pity party. It was plainly obvious why Ravio liked it here but she was starting to wonder if he might partly have gone traveling so he could have a good cry without Koroks all over him asking him if he wanted anything. Wallowing in misery was nigh impossible with Koroks around. She resented that for a bit. Her resentment was interrupted by a quiet cough behind her. Groose, Strich, and Ravio were approaching.

"Um, I'm really really sorry about, um..." Ravio said nervously. "Um..." It was very unfair to Linkle. Holding a grudge against Ravio just didn't work. She sighed.

"Yeah, it's all right. Not your fault anyway. It's just-I really wanted Grandma's stories to be real." Linkle said slowly. "I wanted to be the one to avenge dad and save everybody." Groose nodded.

"Yeah. I can see that. You aren't going to stop being a hero just because you're not the Hero, right?" Groose said carefully. "You really saved us!"

"It ain't too bad having lightning. Urbosa was the coolest Champion!" Linkle admitted. "Guess I'll go back to being plain old Aryll."

"Plain? You're amazing!" Ravio said cheerfully. "I bet that Haz-sorry-Hilda will let you play with the slate. Not that you need it." Hazel said to start calling her by the fake name to get used to it before they set out. She naturally took over leadership from Groose.

"Thanks guys. Let's practice with the slate while Ravio gets beaten up by Link." Ravio's grin fell and the hero formerly known as Linkle felt a little guilty for saying that. "Hey, don't feel too bad. He's freaking Link!" She said trying, and failing, to be encouraging. Ravio muttered something and left to presumably challenge the trial again.

* * *

Vah Naboris had a lot of women on it. What was remarkable was that not all of them were Gerudo women. Like Vah Ruta, a couple Rito knights were stationed here now with various elemental arrows and a Goron had somehow been allowed on board. The Gerudo actually got along just fine with Gorons due to the fact that Gorons had zero interest in being creeps that wanted to hit on them. The Gerudo Chieftain sent her second in command in with the Thunder Helm. People crowded around a Gossip Stone Network panel watching for the latest updates.

* * *

Kishgal was still none too pleased about the incident of the Woodland Stable and was very happy to leave the place when Aunt Veran was stalking the halls like she was. He almost felt sorry for Ravio. Veran was muttering some things about blood magic, shared blood, making blood rain from the sky, and making all of Hyrule bleed among other disturbing things. She was also taking on an unhealthy purplish pallor. Kishgal liked making people die horribly and the idea of drowning the Royal Family in dark vengeance, but even he was starting to wonder if Malice really was a good idea to mess with.

Hours after the Woodland incident he left. Kishgal rode straight for Hyrule Castle with the box Veran had gifted to him. Words carefully inscribed in the ancient Sheikah language covered every surface of it. Kishgal was looking forward to the expression on the face of the old codger when he realized the 'savior' was coming to destroy them all. Kishgal wondered if he could take the Triforce of Wisdom for himself. It was early morning when a scout met him outside Castletown and his day got even better. The princess was being named heir the next morning if the rumors were right. King Gustaf was far too old to outrun the Clan now and this was going to be sweet. People greeted him with such gratitude when he walked through town to the inn.

If only they knew where those monsters and dangers had come from in the first place. Such gullible little people.

Kishgal was greeted at the front door of the Castle by a knight he vaguely remembered from outside Hateno. Karane tested the sword again to make sure it was the same hero before waving him through with a gift of fire arrows. Kishgal happily added them to the quiver. From there he got directions from various scholars, knights, and diplomats of the villages to find his way to a library where a professor announced his arrival. The King, his granddaughter Hazelda, and the head librarian greeted him so warmly. They invited him to have a seat with a cup of tea. Kishgal acted the part of an ideal humble hero. It was hilarious to him the Royal Family still put on airs even when being reduced to serving themselves. Judging from the mark, the passing of the Triforce had not yet occurred. Kishgal broke the box, stabbed the naive princess, and held the sword to Gustaf's throat. Sahasrahla was left gasping as he ran to his grand-niece with horrified tears in his eyes.

Kishgal dragged the weeping King backwards and watched his comrades appear to fill the room. Library visitors fled in terror or were swiftly grabbed. "The Triforce or your brother's life. Actually, hand it over or we start killing each and every last person in the castle."

Then the two old geezers started laughing so hard they were finding it hard to breathe. They simply did not seem to understand the gravity of the situation and that they were surrounded on all sides by enemies.

"We are taking you hostage old man." Kishgal said with some annoyance. This announcement did nothing to stop the elderly fools from enjoying themselves. They kept laughing. "Stop that! We're here to avenge the suffering the Sheikah have endured at the hands of the-Stop laughing." They didn't. Kishgal's best evil face seemed to only make it worse.

Kishgal and his fellow men were forced to reevaluate the situation when the body of the dead girl disappeared.

Veran materialized and narrowed her eyes. She didn't sense the power that should have been there. She stalked over and yanked the King's arm to her with a snarl. The false Master Sword accidentally grazed Gustaf's neck when he was jerked out of Kishgal's grasp so suddenly.

"It's not _here._ "

"Nope! Just us old coots!" Gustaf said with a mad grin on his face and blood on his collar. Veran screeched.

"You buffoons wasted a summons and alerted the knights to our presence for nothing! The only redeeming thing here is that we've got hostages now and the Hero's Slate."

"We're kind of worthless hostages." Gustaf replied with a snicker. "We've lived our lives and we gave explicit orders not to worry about us. Also, that hat? I want one. It's _amazing._ "

"This king of a broken empire will watch me destroy all they ever worked for." Veran snapped into Gustaf's face. Gustaf grimaced as he looked at the purplish haze in Veran's throat. That, combined with the orange glow in her eyes, made it apparent she was not exactly healthy. Veran looked out the window towards the pastures in the distance. At least this was closer to the wellspring of power than the Hebra mountains.

Wait, Where did Sahasrahla go?

Kishgal drove the sword through the old king. A fairy popped out the moment the king hit the ground and Gustaf tackled the fake hero out of the library window. A yell of utter rage issued forth from the impostor's mouth as they landed spectacularly in the garden. A second fairy saved the old man while the younger assailant was left with a painfully twisted leg. The utter rage consumed all conscious thought. Kishgal yanked up the King and realized when he was in the middle of screaming threats that there were an awful lot of knights coming through the doors.

"That mummer's prop isn't fooling anyone anymore boy." Gustaf said weakly. He did not mention he was down to the last fairy.

King Gustaf had unmasked Kishgal. Kishgal decided to add more blood to the surface of his false sword while his brethren ransacked the castle.

* * *

Sahasrahla was furious with his brother and protested being dragged away. Impaz was not happy to leave either but kept yanking him down corridors.

"He's going to die!"

"He knows, I know! Would you believe Lady Paya and Gustaf made me promise to take you out of there if anything went wrong? I should be back there fighting but nooo!" Sheikah and scholar turned when they heard a smashing sound from the other side of the courtyard. They both saw the King's spectacular three story dive and ran downstairs. Well, they ran downstairs with Sahasrahla having to stop and rest every now and then. _Octogenarians are not supposed to go about tackling assassins!_ Impaz thought and snarled a curse when they ran into Yiga soldiers. Judging from the noise echoing through the hallways, they were not the only ones having problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to anyone who is still reading this! You guys are nice people.


	18. Taking Things for Granite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> King Link and Queen Zelda defend the castle without blinking an eye.

Ravio approached the sword cautiously. He mostly on board with saving the world and putting his neck on the line. This was still frustrating and difficult. Long years of listening to his self-preservation instinct to run away had kept him alive. Self-preservation refused to up and vanish suddenly in the face of heroic destiny. A trembling hand was reached to the sword. He jumped when he heard Hazel's voice behind him.

"Hey, you okay there?"

"H-Hilda! Hi! It's um. Well. I'm working on it." Ravio knew she was disappointed. She deserved a proper hero who was ready to take on stuff. At least there were no ledges to be pushed off here. His mind would not stop going over worst case scenarios when sparring with the echo of the previous hero. She folded her arms.

"It's good you took a break at least. Does-does he give you pointers or is he just fighting you?" She asked with curiosity in her eyes. Ravio rubbed the back of his head while recalling his words.

"He said to play to my strengths and start acting on instinct? My instinct is to run from stuff..." Hazel bit her lip. She thought for a moment.

"Sometimes a different perspective helps. Will you fight me?"

"Huh? Wait! Fight you?" Hazel in response grabbed a couple of fallen tree branches.

"Relax, I'm not going to kill you." Hazel said and noticed a relaxing in his shoulders.

"Really?" He seemed oddly concerned about this. She spent another few sentences reassuring Ravio that she was not out to kill him. "Your friends might help too. Groose and Strich did pass basic knight training after all." Groose and Strich were called over while Ana and Aryll kept playing around with the slate. After a few minutes of parrying and swinging she called out a few orders. Groose and Strich contributed with some of the stuff they could remember from when they first started with the knights.

After about fifteen minutes of that, Hazel stopped Ravio and told him to stop worrying he'd hurt them. Ravio was using a stick. They would be fine.

After the thirty minute mark her initial impression of Ravio being somewhat rabbity had not been really changed, but he seemed less skittish and more focused on trying to clear his mind. As an experiment, Groose suggested trying to take along a lightning rod to take advantage of Ravio's affinity for magic. Hazel and Ravio very much doubted that would work but Ravio tied it to his belt anyway to support Groose being helpful. The helpers left with a lot of misgivings after Ravio vanished again.

Due to Ana and Aryll messing with the Slate and its varied ways to exploit it for fun, they were not paying attention to the Gossip Stone function it had. Ana said she'd teleport in with the Slate and they came up with the idea to have Koroks help with the relay to get everybody in without using more teleports per person than necessary. No one wanted to find out what side effects happened with more than the recommended daily allowance of dissolving into blueness. Small denomination rupees and more elixirs were stowed in the adventurers pouches.

Ana and a Korok named Birch teleported to the castle. Ana figured she could explain to her Great Uncle and the Knights about the situation. Birch came back in a panic waving the Hero's Slate around in a panic.

"BAD GUYS! There's bad guys all over the castle! They killed the King!"

* * *

A Yiga Blademaster stalked the halls of Hyrule Castle with intent to terrorize. Let us call him Earnest.

Earnest was a simple man. He was good at killing things with big swords. He also loved bananas. He approached a courtyard cautiously when a bit of gold caught his attention. The courtyard was a lovely small one and over the years was repaired and gardened with loving care by botanical researchers. In the ensuing chaos a small statue seemed to have been dropped to the ground. Normally the desecration would make Earnest smile a little and chuckle but the gold was there next to the statue. It occupied his attention.

Bananas.

He took a swift look around the ground to see if anyone else was there to see the precious commodity which was just sitting there. He gave in to the temptation and gleefully bounced over on tip-toe to scoop up the delectable fruit. He had every intention of continuing the destruction of this castle right away.

King Link's stony countenance stopped Earnest in his tracks and felled him instantly. The Yiga's talisman to get them away from danger teleported him away leaving the bananas on the ground. Link lay facedown on the grass next to it without any flinching on his part. From the window up above three people laughed, whispered, and realized another Yiga was approaching.  
 _  
Nice work on the aim Toal!_

_Oh, look. Another guy is coming._

_Would they seriously be stupid enough to-_

_Shush! Get the other one Yunica!_

The second Yiga Blademaster came to see where his comrade had gone. He too spotted the bananas. Events transpired in a nearly identical manner. This time, it was the matching stone bust of Queen Zelda which did him in at 9.8 meters per second per second. The people watching out the window cringed a bit when the next visitor ran through the courtyard and stopped.

"Come on guys! This should be the fastest way to the Library! Hey, who did this?" Ana looked down at the two statues of her great-grandparents lying next to the bananas. She then looked up at the window above to see a knight helmet looking down. "Oh, HEY ARE YOU OKAY UP THERE?" She called to the knight who was joined by a couple other knights. Ana was followed by Aryll, Strich, and Groose. All were armed with wooden swords, bows, spears, rods, and a crossbow.

"We're fine. Uh, Hazelda right? Sorry about the statues."

"We got two Yiga scum with them actually."

"Great Grandpa would applaud! I'm Ana." Ana pointed at her friends. "They're allies! Bye now!" She took off in the direction of the danger, much to the knights' dismay. The hue and cry had been raised rather quickly and they didn't know what to believe when people were yelling that the Hero had stabbed the old man. Groose left a blue rupee and some green too on the ground behind them as they ran away from the shrine and towards where Ana thought her great uncle would be in need of rescue. Another Yiga, this time a footsoldier, came by because of the noise and froze. The bananas called to him but rupees were surrounding it. He cautiously tip toed between the rupees in an attempt to avoid like-likes, oblivious to the heavy chair being readied above. Toal hissed to his comrades to get going and follow while he got this one.

His aim was true.

* * *

As for Hilda, she waited impatiently next to the Master Sword with slate in hand. She desperately needed and hated to watch the Gossip Stone Network news from the castle. She wanted to scream about the terrible timing and was second guessing her decision to have everyone else leave to guard Ana. It might have been better to risk over-use of the transport rune rather than wait for Ravio here. Ravio's adventurer pouch was on her and she had everything ready to hand over the second he reappeared. She finished the disguise spell which wasn't really much of one. She didn't want to have to worry about maintaining it while fighting.

* * *

Ravio didn't have the ability to do ridiculous bullet time stunts. (Arrow time?) He was light on his feet but a perfect dodge attack? Wasn't happening. He ducked and dodged like a pro but swings kept going wide of their mark. What he was learning was that using the Master Sword with a rod in the other hand seemed to be working well for him. Ravio honestly wasn't sure why he'd been allowed to keep the thunder rod but hey, he was grateful. Link grinned and the traveler sword dissolved into blue. It was replaced by a massive cobble crusher.

They fought on and time just seemed meaningless. Ravio wasn't sure why he wasn't tired when fighting in this trial, but he suspected it wasn't really located anywhere physical. Link kept going with weapon after weapon. No words were spoken by him and it was rather unnerving.

"Stop." Link said as Ravio was rolling away from getting impaled. Ravio stopped and struggled up as Link put away the trident.

 _You are needed at once._ echoed the voice through the trial shrine. _It is time to leave._

Ravio panicked. "I'm not ready for this! I don't know if I can protect anyone!" Link sighed. Ravio was shocked by came out of his predecessor's mouth while the shrine started the exit process.

"I felt that way too." Link said.

Ravio didn't really have time to process things before he was back in the forest with Hilda was screaming in his ear. With the clan attacking the castle and her sister over there she was not giving any opportunity for Ravio to protest. She grabbed his arm, made sure he had the Master Sword, and teleported them both to the shrine at the docks. Ravio's ears were ringing a little. A piece of paper torn from a sketchbook was weighted down to the ground with a rock. Hazel glared at it.

"ANA! She ran off without us!"

"Huh?" Hazel looked at the half-deafened boy and muttered the spell again. This time she dyed Ravio's hair blonde. Ravio followed quickly and kept a sharp lookout for Yiga, like-likes, and Fan Club members. The two rounded a corner only for Ravio to adopt a battle stance and stutter a challenge in the Sheikah language. What he thought was Kishgal matched his movements perfectly. It was a mirror. After the third time where Ravio drew his sword with a yell and adopted battle position for his own reflection, Hazel removed the disguise spell on him with a sigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -The original concept was much different and things really changed as I threw stuff in or left things out that didn't work in my head or that I didn't think I could pull off. I kind of sketched out the first fewchapters then decided, "Eh, Ravio can be the placeholder for the hero." The prophecy I had for Groose was kind of a typo that I kept. My original intention for this story for the first write before prophecy typo really was to have Groose and co. traverse Hyrule, getting into trouble, then have the real Link show up last chapter, kill Ganon, and leave when they weren't looking.
> 
> -Originally I planned to have what Linkle said about being mistaken for Ganon be foreshadowing for Ravio. Him getting captured by the Yiga clan for a ritual awakening with all the embarrassing confusion that would ensue when the ritual worked seemed promising. Having them awaken the Hero seemed like a good idea for further embarassing mistakes but I couldn't make it work in my head. It just didn't. Instead of time-slowing, he's got a magic meter too.
> 
> -It wasn't going to be Veran but a member of the Royal Family that would be the antagonist. Trying to restore the power of the monarchy was a good motivation for Hilda when you've got demon lords coming back to attack again in another hundred years. Having Groose oppose her with the help of a wimpy Yiga soldier seemed interesting. I went with the sillier, less serious story where Like-Likes plague the land. Veran was chosen because why not. Who better to oppose the wonderful pompadour than the fashion disaster?
> 
> -Much of the details are things that seem to make sense after Breath of the Wild. Prince Sidon's fan club would only grow as more people were able to travel and meet the guy. The Yiga Clan seem petty and jealous enough to really make fun of the smile.
> 
> -You can't tell me that the Divine Beasts wouldn't be used for all sorts of fun.
> 
> -I still feel bad for being mean to Linkle. Frankly having a hero with the Master Sword and Triforce fueled lightning would be pretty cool. Terrible stuff was going to happen but she needed something fun to ruin evil's day and the pompadour needed to survive. Hence the fairy.
> 
> -Fated romances written by me might end up being a travesty on par with certain vampire novels so romance is something I've been avoiding adding. It just seemed funny at the time to have Zelda's actions have terrible consequences several millennia later for hero/princess relations.
> 
> -I think I'll call it a day on the chapters. I know there was a huge typo in a chapter but when I went back to correct it, I couldn't remember where it was. If it looks like a plot hole or mistype, it probably is.


	19. Bossing People Around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boss fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should go back and explore Hyrule Castle for the layout but you know what? I started the game over again. I don't have enough hearts.

Kishgal was having a lot of fun with magnesis. It took much longer than it should have for a guy in his early twenties to kill the old grandpa. He assumed the old grandpa was dead but given what the guy pulled off, he wanted to track down where the geezer had staggered off to in the resulting confusion. He would only assume Gustaf was dead when the head was disconnected from his shoulders and burned.

The Hyrulian Knights were none too pleased about their metal armor and weaponry being used against them. Kishgal's allies flooded the area and it was proving difficult to get close to him or even close enough to fire off arrows before being attacked by ninjas. Men were used as bludgeons against their friends. Word spread a bit so some knights were coming in with considerably less defense and armed with whatever they could gather. Mostly the people putting up a fight were Gorons with traditional Goron fisticuffs. Gorons who had metal weapons abandoned them in favor of chucking stuff or punching things. There were not nearly enough Gorons and they did not move nearly as fast as they would like.

* * *

In his lab a researcher scribbled noted and made careful calibrations to meters. He was so absorbed in his work he'd missed the crashing, yelling, and alarm bells entirely. He was looking to crack the mysteries of the universe. He was starting with the rupee.

Hyrule and other countries that used this particular currency found counterfeiting wasn't usually a problem. Rupees when thrown on the ground always stood on end and it drove men of science absolutely mad. Merchants made it standard practice to toss money down on the floor behind the counter whenever they suspected a scam. People tried all the time to build perpetual motion machined with it. It only worked when throwing the money on the floor. The rupees acted like normal physics applied when stuffed in boxes, wallets, and machines which hampered progress somewhat. Anything being attached to the rupee ruined the effect too.

This researcher was looking to harness this property. Somehow. Gyroscopes were going to become amazing once he got this working.

Hooligans burst through the door. The old rito spun around with a scowl to confront the teenage menaces. He was surprised to see a crowd of knights, Yiga, and two other people of uncertain affiliation bursting through the double door. One girl was waving a slate around. A demon carver floated up out of an assassins arms. A knight had another Yiga in a headlock and they both slammed into a wooden apparatus. A boy was yelling and waving a stick around with a sword being used for defensive blocking,

"For the love of the Goddesses I'm NOT working for the Yiga Clan! He LIED." Some other person in black and purple got flipped by a mysterious force onto a desk. This knocked his mask off and the Yiga disappeared with his face buried in the crook of an elbow. A zora stabbed at the kid in the lavender tunic yelling something that sounded like 'For Sidon!'

The girl with the slate pointed it at the zora and he froze midair. The girl and boy ran out the other door. With another wave of the cane A ninja was concussed on the stone floor. The remaining Yiga not currently occupied in a fistfight attempted to give chase with a "臆病な裏切り者ウサギ!" The Zora unfroze with a quick tap of the Sheikah Slate wielded by the girl and crashed into that guy.

The researcher scooped his notes into his arms and ducked under a desk to wait things out. He made a mental note to get his hearing checked.

* * *

Ravio and 'Hilda' were not having an easy time getting through. There were less like-likes in the Castle than out in the fields but a few probably had crept in. Hazel knew that Ana was going to scatter rupees behind them but it was still risky. Also she didn't want to encourage Ravio to start picking up money now. He gave the rupees longing looks but self-preservation was high priority.

Hazel's disguise meant people didn't recognize her. Lots of people recognized Ravio unfortunately. They were attacked by Yiga, by Knights, and by random students since not everyone had access to Gossip Network updates. The Gossip Stone Network had announced Kishgal's fraud but had yet to fully explain what he was making up. Ravio was starting to be pleasantly surprised by people who didn't immediately try to murder him with a yell of either 'traitor,' 'slanderer,' or 'Yiga scum.' To make matters worse, some people saw the Master Sword and assumed Ravio was Kishgal with the fake one. This despite the hair color being back to its usual dark color and the Master Sword starting to glow a little.

They ducked into an empty lecture room to pop roasted endura and rushshrooms into their mouths. Something else was bothering the both of them.

"Do, do you sense that? It's just, something feels terribly _wrong_. It's more than just Kishgal or Veran."

"I-I think so too." Ravio said with dread. "The sword is reacting to something."

"We're headed towards it aren't we?" Hazelda muttered unhappily. "I'd wager my sister and grand-uncle are over near it too."

Something else was bothering Ravio. He broached the subject as Hazel peered out the door for pursuers. "Hey, Hilda? Why don't I get the slate?" Hazel arched an eyebrow and pretended she didn't see what he was getting at. "I'm the Hero, I activated it."

"Do you have the necessary expertise to handle these bomb runes? I don't want you blowing us up. Do you have any experience with explosives?"

"Actually I just was sailing. I learned all about gunpowder and-"

"You don't have the training for using all these runes." Hazel quickly said. She left out that she didn't have any explosives experience other than that obtained today. "Besides. You've got the Sword and your magic rods."

"That's another thing. Did they really have to take all my magic rods? They only left the Cane of Pacci. I only have that and this lightning rod."

"We were in a hurry. What does the cane do anyway?" Hazel asked while trying to think of the best route to the whatever they were sensing.

"It flips things upside down." Hazel and Ravio both jumped when a voice said.

"That's silly. What would you do with that?"

"Captain Ashei!" Hazel said. "You really scared me popping out like that."

"Who are you?" Ashei growled at the two. Hazel had forgotten about her disguise and mentally kicked herself. Hazel clamped her mouth shut before her voice was recognized.

"I'm Ravio, that's Hilda. Sorry, there's been a really big misunderstanding." Ravio said with his hands held up in the air. "I didn't say mean things about Sidon and I'm not working for the Yiga Clan." Ashei still had her sword point up and was studying the two but she hadn't attacked yet.

"Funny. There's a fake hero with a replica of the Sword of Evil's Bane around. Stabbed the King." Ashei said evenly. The sword point did not move. Hazel hoped Ashei wouldn't attack, she was fast. Hazel wouldn't get the sword out fast enough.

"This is the real sword. We just got here and I'm not killing any kings, buddy."

"I heard he's got blonde hair. Drop that sword of yours, yeah? I hear my men are fighting in the courtyard and I'm wasting time on the two of you." The Master Sword clanged to the floor along with the cane. "Step back a little too. No sudden moves, yeah?" Ashei bent down to grab the sword while keeping her weapon and attention on the strangers. She'd kept an eye on the news and there had been an interesting report from Shad. She still didn't have anything much to give concrete evidence this guy could be trusted. "Tell me, would you happen to know anything about letter writing?"

"Huh?" Ravio said in confusion as Ashei touched the handle of the divine weapon. She recoiled as if burned. Ashei glared at the sword.

"Well I'll be. Your story checks out." It didn't act like the fraudulent one from the reports. Also that feeling was akin to having a Goddess smack your hand away from a cookie jar with a minor bit of smiting. It was something unlike anything Ashei had ever experienced. Ravio and Hazel were still confused.

"What are you guys waiting for?! Let's go!" Ashei said as she rubbed her hand.

"You believe us?... Great! Finally!" Ravio practically bounded to his sword and cane as Hazel relaxed. "Hilda, someone actually isn't trying to kill us finally!" Hilda looked at Ashei with a frown.

"Um, so the fake hero has magnesis. Either that or someone close by him." Hazel tried to pitch her voice a little differently and just ended up sounding like she was trying to disguise her voice. Ashei cursed. She should have figured that out from the sword checking reports and she was wearing full plate mail. They left her with a spare sword from the forest and left ahead of her.

* * *

The library courtyard was covered in purple and black ninjas. Veran left the scene after conjuring a couple spiders with a breezy, "Have fun. Do make sure to take one or two hostages." It was the way they'd keep the place from being leveled by Divine Beasts. Kishgal might get carried away without a reminder. In the ensuing tide of knights he lost track of Gustaf somehow. He reluctantly stopped to down an elixir from a subordinate before charging back into the fray. Veran had business to the south.

Aryll, Groose, Strich, and Ana fared a little better than Ravio and Hazel since only one group present was trying to kill them. Aryll was saving her lighting for when it would be needed so they stabbed, burned, froze, and shot their way through. They burst into the courtyard with wooden weapons ready to fight for Hyrule.

"HEY! You! What did you do to my Grandpa!" Ana yelled. Aryll was also yelling at the same time.

"We're going to stop you evildoer! How dare you hurt people! Coward!"

Kishgal cackled something unintelligible.

"We're also a little mad about your lies! Evil jerk!" said a really angry Groose as he went after a Yiga Footsoldier to his left. Kishgal took in the sight of new opponents with glee. Ravio had warned them Kishgal was an unhinged psycho and it was really showing now.

**  
Evil Jerk**

**Kishgal  
**

That isn't a very good title. Let's try that again.

**  
Murderous Pretender Hero**

**Kishgal  
**

That's sort of better. Strich took to the air with his new favorite bow and helped Ana eliminate the ranged threat. Aryll snapped. She felled two archers perched above and the second snap took out two more. Groose focused on keeping enemies away from Ana. They'd all chomped down on ironshrooms but Groose was painfully aware of how quickly they could be killed with a single misstep. "Aryll! Can you get the fake?! I'll protect Ana!" Kishgal was already trying to stab Aryll and his eyes widened when he saw the mark on the back of Zeldana's hand. For better or worse, he was falling for the bait. Aryll tried to snap but was forced to defend.

Ravio was hardly the only person who'd been practicing that day; Aryll had practiced using Urbosa's Fury in the forest trial. She discovered she needed space between herself and the target the hard way. She mostly could control the lightning but when standing right next to a target, she fried herself. Stamina was a huge issue and most of the stamella shrooms were given to her. Kishgal was relentless in going after the recognized threat Aryll presented. It helped that Aryll was directly in the line between him and the princess. "Why don't you help your friends?" One hand gestured to the side and an unconscious knight floated. He was thrown at Groose's head. Ana shrieked a warning for Groose to duck as she frantically waved the ice rod at the skulltulas which now had joined the fray.

"Princess! Hold on!" yelled a knight from the other side of the courtyard. Some knights, now devoid of plate armor, were trying to help as best they could. Strich tossed his Forest Dweller spear to a man on the ground and it was accepted with gratitude. He only got a shot in before being forced to evade more arrows from the Yiga minions below.

"死ぬ死ぬ死ぬ死ぬ!" giggled Kishgal "Oh I should have done this last time!"

Aryll didn't dare try to put space between her and Kishgal now that Groose was forced to deal with heavy weights being chucked at him. Groose also missed his claymore when he was using a standard Forest Dweller sword. Ana rescued him by torching a blademaster about to chop him in half. Kishgal would not stop yelling insane half-sentences which, as far as Aryll could tell, was a mix of Hylian and Sheikah language with a heaping helping of insanity. Each blow dealt to him made his smile wider and his hand movements with the sword and bracer more frenetic. Groose and a Goron he vaguely remembered from training managed to destroy another wave. Ana tossed a banana bunch at another group while ducking behind a planter. The loaned forest dweller spear impaled a spider.

"Leave my Ana alone!" was Groose's battle cry.

"You make me do that 無価値バカ!" laughed the psycho.

Kishgal grabbed the air in the direction of another unconscious knight when he noticed Aryll was trying to back up a little. He pulled the knight towards him and floated the knight near him to prevent Aryll from simply electrocuting him. This problem Kishgal was creating was also a distraction for him. Aryll pulled her crossbow and buried a bolt in Kishgal's abdomen. With a shriek of the same rage he emitted when fighting the king, he came after Aryll again.

Groose was glad he wasn't having armored people thrown at him and the flow of henchpeople had slowed to a near stop. Strich fired an ice arrow at Kishgal's head. He normally would have missed the shot but for the new bow. Strich said another silent prayer of gratitude from his perch for the magic arrow multiplication effect. Kishgal's freeze left an opening. Aryll crammed a stamella shroom in her mouth and called forth a bolt.

Kishgal was unfrozen as the fake sword shattered in his hand. The part of Aryll which actually paid attention to her mother's lessons on blacksmithing sniffed at the inferior blade. Groose and some knights surrounded Ana to make sure no leftover Yiga would get the drop on her. Kishgal twitched and reached for a talisman before Aryll and another guard pounced to pin down his arms. They were not going to have him teleport away.

Kishgal's laughter devolved into a howl that needed zero translation.

Ravio and Hazel burst in a few moments into the beginning of the howl. The few knights still standing and not restraining Kishgal pointed weapons at Ravio uncertainly. He froze. Linkle looked up. Groose hastily said, "Wait! He's not an enemy! That's the real Master Sword!" Only one knight relaxed their guard before Ana said,

"He really isn't working for the Yiga! That's the real Master Sword! The Yiga Clan was lying to get these guys in trouble. Where's Grandpa?" The rest of the knights warily looked around. Kishgal was staring at Ravio and fell silent with a look of utter confusion. He would scarcely have been more flabbergasted had Ooccoo herself walked in to offer cooking lessons. One spoke,

"We don't know what happened ta' him. He was putting up a fight but we lost him in the crowd. I think there was a Sheikah, maybe he got away?"

"彼は死んでいるはずです！デッド！デッド！" shrieked Kishgal. He did not believe it was the Master Sword. "うさぎの男の子！できない-Ravio! They'll all turn on you the moment they realize who you are Son of Veran!" This pronouncement was a revelation for the knights but was about what people reported on the Gossip Stone network among all the false accusations. "Yeah, that's right, this coward here? He's my little cousin!" Kishgal didn't get the desired result of a revelation meant to shatter people's trust in a friend. Linkle rolled her eyes and shoved the fabric of Kishgal's hood in his mouth.

"Stow it. Murderer."

"Ravio deserted from your clan years ago, we know." Strich said.

"What about this guy? That other was really a fake... Huh it's glowing." said another knight. The magnesis bracers were removed by Aryll while they made darn sure this jerk was not escaping. Impaz appeared with a cough next to a panting Ashei. Ashei was not going to be happy she'd just spent time getting rid of her metal stuff then sprinting here. They'd already taken out that threat, the loss of armor was now pointless. Ravio sheepishly sheathed the sword of Evil's Bane and tried to formulate words to explain everything in a hurry.


	20. The Story Must Goron

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Too much talking, not enough fighting.

People still were looking at Ravio funny but Groose counted it as a victory the knights were not actively trying to stab him. The uncanny resemblance between Ravio and Kishgal was mitigated by, well, Ravio being Ravio. The lack of maniacal cackling helped a lot. In light of the lack of anti-ninja shackles present, a decision was made where one of the few Gorons they could find sat on Kishgal. They chose the smallest one. Video game physics spared Kishgal death by suffocation. The Sheikah which appeared said a few words which Groose did not understand to Ravio before leading Ana away. She looked sideways at Hilda for a moment and motioned for her to come along too. Presumably they were going to see their grandfather and great uncle. This left Aryll, Groose, Strich, and Ravio there.

Since the threat of the Magnesis was gone, they took the opportunity to rearm themselves with better metal equipment. It was still a bit surprising how well the wood stuff the Koroks gave them worked. Ashei gave orders to her men and Groose could hear the whispers and sideways glances at Ravio. It was easy to believe that the other three were framed but he was still definitely being watched.

"I'm still not sure why anyone would think I'd ever insult Prince Sidon!" Aryll said as she readjusted her crossbow. "Nice shot by the way Strich, that was perfect." Strich preened.

"Um, does anyone else sense that-um stuff?" Ravio said uncertainly. He was looking around and Groose was recognizing the paranoia even if he didn't understand what Ravio was saying. "I feel like something bad is coming."

"Lighten up! We just took out this jerk, we're going to get rid of the Yiga Clan here and go stop the evil witch right? Groose has your back!" Groose said. He was definitely feeling more confident after successfully defending Ana from attackers. Ravio did not relax.

"Why wasn't Veran here? She wouldn't miss the opportunity to try and take the Triforce from the king. There weren't nearly as many spiders as I thought she'd summon..."

"You blasted her pretty good at the woods. Maybe she's taking a break or, better yet, dead?" Groose said. Strich and Aryll looked less certain, in fact Aryll spoke up.

"We can take her! I'm kind of worried about Ana and Ha-Hilda though."

"Seriously! If Veran survived, she is planning something! I think she only lost at the woods because she used so much magic on burning things." Childhood experience taught Ravio exactly how far Veran would go to spite or destroy people. The feeling shared between the princess and hero of impending doom was growing as the night grew darker. Ravio jumped again when he heard Kishgal's irate yelling.

"You will die coward! Veran has lovely plans for you!" Linkle should have done less of a hasty job with gagging the guy. He glared, then giggled. "No one is going to be fooled. Your act is horribly amateurish."

"I-This is the sword! It's real!" Ravio said. He still didn't really believe himself a hero but something about other people doubting the sword's authenticity was getting to him.

"Hah, and I'm the Princess Zelda!"

Ravio muttered something to himself before asking "What is Veran planning?" He knew his cousin liked to gloat and watch the fear in people's eyes. Kishgal monologued.

"Oh wouldn't yooouuu like to know?" Kishgal snickered. "Tonight is gonna be a beautiful moonlit night."

Ravio jumped away when Impaz appeared next to him silently. He half-drew the Master Sword before calming down somewhat. There had been no rustle of talismans or smoke puffs, just pure stealth. Impaz impassively regarded the real Hero and the fake one. Groose and Strich unconsciously stood up straighter and found themselves wishing they remembered to polish their gear.

"Aryll, Groose, Strich, Ravio. Come." Impaz beckoned.

* * *

"I think that was totally worth it."

"It wasn't."

"I know we had like, five fairies help us. I'm getting sloppy. That's more than the past ten years combined."

"You idiot."

This was the argument which the group walked in on in a small secret room. The two Zelda sisters were discussing strategy and the worrying feeling of impeding doom while Sahasrahla and Gustaf argued. Gustaf was horribly pale from the blood loss and his brother was patching the King up as best as he could. They were out of fairies and elixirs could only do so much for really old men. They refused the supplies which the sisters offered saying they would need it more. Hazel protested but had the horrible feeling that her grandpa was right about that.

Gustaf happily waved at Impaz and the group she brought with her when they arrived. Ravio still looked like he wasn't certain Impaz was sparing his life. Yiga/Sheikah relations were infamously awkward. A lot of both clans regarded the other as stubborn errant family that wouldn't see reason. It was like that extended branch of cousins which voted for another presidential candidate, but with more throwing knives. Sahasrahla looked back.

"I thought I sensed Father's sword..."

"Hey! Good job you two! You brought a bonus hero too!" Gustaf said happily to Strich and Groose. "Sorry you got mixed up in this."

"I'm a knight! It's my job! Gotta protect people, you know." Groose said. He had, a day ago, been really irritated with the king for sending him out with little preparation. "Um, are you going to be all right? Don't go dying on us." Gustaf rolled his eyes.

"I'm fine, shouldn't you be introducing me? Remind me to tell you about sword beams before you go. And get you some armor or something."

"Um, right! So Grandpa, that's Linkle, or Aryll. She goes by either one. I think we already told you that." Hazel gestured. "He's Ravio, of course. We sensed something earlier. Something bad."

"Well you better get going then!" Gustaf said. Ana looked at the map on the Sheikah slate.

"Where?" Ana asked. This time it was Impaz who spoke first. She seemed to want Gustaf to stop talking and rest.

"The initial appearance of Like-likes was at the ranch by the tower. It might be a good plan to check that direction. They might do some other ritual there." She looked sideways at Ravio. "Are we absolutely certain this is not another-"

"Impaz. Remember that letter?" Sahasrahla pointed at Ravio. Ravio was still confused but Impaz remembered the messages with Shad.

"I see... Boy, your handwriting is terrible." Ravio didn't quite catch on to what they were talking about until Impaz finished speaking. "Seven years ago?" Ravio smiled

"You did get that letter! I wasn't sure if Askr delivered it to the right place or got distracted on the way." He and Hazel both looked south suddenly.

"Does no one else sense that?" Hazel asked. She and Ravio were not the only ones sensing the unease. People with magic sensitivity were starting to notice that it was more than the normal unease creeping up on them.

* * *

Veran stalked the hallways, then cloaked herself in shadows and slipped out the gates to Hyrule Field. The Like-Like summoning had worked in her favor, she found. It would be much easier to call back the Malice from something weaker than something with more intelligence. If those buffoons in the field summoned Lynels, the amount of power needed for Lynels would have heralded an invasion of not hundreds of Like-Likes, but maybe a dozen Lynels at best. More terrifying, less widespread.

She made it to the farm where the ranchers had decided to call it quits. Riding horses all the time would have solved the problem of getting ambushed on the way to and from the barn, but it was just not practical. Veran reached to the nearly-depleted infusion of darkness. She called to it and it came at once. Her potion had worked and she now felt one with the poisonous miasma. To her it felt exhilarating.

Red light began to illuminate the lands as midnight approached. She concentrated. Where before the power in the air was merely a trickle, this was a full on firehose blast of it. A sinister fireworks display shot out and the fountain sent out four large mortar shells. The rest gathered in one point before scattering to infect some Guardians.

Veran continued laughing as she waited for the Blood Moon.

* * *

Head mechanic of Tarrey Town, old Rosso, finished disconnecting the last leg with a sigh. They had put so much work into fixing up these Guardians. He loved watching them fry Like-Likes and Octoroks. It felt just wrong taping mirrors over the optical apparatus on each one. It wasn't like the Calamity was coming back tonight. It hadn't even been a hundred years and everyone knew that this sort of stuff happened every century. He really wanted to go to sleep at nightfall but the town guard insisted this be done immediately. Something about a message from the King. Rosso, like many people, wondered what the eccentric old King was doing.

Rosso heard a fwooshing sound. Several of them. Sinister fwooshes rushed past him into each and every one of the Guardians he'd just meticulously dismantled. They hummed to life and spun around uselessly. Gears clicked and ground thin air where limbs had previously been connected. Rosso decided maybe the town guard had a point and that Darbus deserved a good rock steak for making him do this job. The night filled with the sounds of the town ringing alarm bells and gathering civilians on the more easily defended island in the lake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every beverage is on the rocks when you are served by a Goron bartender.


	21. Not the Blight Answer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blights and arachnophobes are not having an easy time of it.

Much of the Royal Family which was ready to fight and possibly die against monsters remained on Vah Medoh. A few people who were able and willing to fight were left behind anyway to help defend Rito Village and the people left behind there. Protesting did not sway Ambi and Leon on their decision to leave Daltus and Jezeldabel behind. Other small kids were left behind so at least they weren't alone. Ambi was left behind as defense/babysitting and watched Leon leave on Vah Medoh with worry. Some of that worry was about less consequential things like how to keep Beth from diving into the water below on a dare.

As the evening wore on Vah Medoh began to circle Hyrule Castle. The support from the Ritos on board and the smaller cannons was going to be much appreciated, Teba felt. On board some of the older cousins were chatting. Their topic of ire: Hazel and Ana.

"They shouldn't have left without us! I mean, I'm good at fighting. Heck, I could probably kill a blight." Osfala said as he polished the ancient tech bow which he prized. "I bet this Hero guy is going to be really smug about it." Sahasrahla's grandson was known to believe awesomeness was a genetic trait and he'd inherited it.

"Nah. I bet he's more like Great-Grandfather. He's probably really quiet. Handsome but insecure and with flowing golden locks." Cia was picturing someone exactly like the stories, diary entries, and statues. Cia and Lana looked at the panel for Gossip Stone network notifications. "Seriously would it have killed Hazel to take us too? We're way better at fighting than Ana. Ana's nice, it's just she's too nice."

"There's no reason to believe he's going to be exactly as awesome as Link. We're his descendants!" Osfala's wounded pride at being left behind in favor of Ana made sleep difficult. They'd also been asked to stay on board and let people who could fly check out the status of the Castle. "This hero's probably going to be insufferable and arrogant." Cia snickered.

"Yeah, right. Like you, you mean?" Lana sighed as her sister and cousin traded insults. She called them both over to the panel whenever she spotted an update on Hyrule Castle. King Gustaf lived. They breathed a collective sigh of relief at good news about their grand-uncle. Osfala though pointed to another picture. He had to keep Lana from impatiently scrolling as she skimmed while everyone else read the details.

 _Yiga spy named Kishgal with fake sword of Evil's Bane apprehended. King Gustaf in hiding until recovers sufficiently to dodge assassins. False allegations filed by Kishgal against Groose, Aryll, and Ravio removed. Hero with actual sword sighted in Hyrule Castle._ and so forth. Most of the threats in the castle apparently were subdued now but there was a warning on the network to prepare arms. They made their bets on what Ravio would be like after they read the note: _Found real Master of the Sword that Seals the Darkness is not allied with Yiga. Defected years ago. Please stop trying to kill him._

Osfala bet twenty rupees he was an arrogant show-off and bloodthirsty. Ex-Yiga meant he probably picked up jerkwaddery among other non-talents.

Cia bet thirty rupees he was a soul haunted by past transgressions and guilt. She went on a tangent about him maybe defecting for love of a lady who died trying to save him or something like that. Lana made a mental note to check if she and her sister were reading the same novels. Maybe find her a new hobby.

Lana bet forty rupees he was exactly like Link.

They were still reading the news when Cia and Lana both looked around at the same time. "Do you sense that Osfala?" Lana asked. She didn't need to ask if Cia sensed it too. They both got spears and bows ready as Osfala looked confused.

Vah Medoh jolted and the machine made a warning cry. Thick darkness began to choke the air. Shouting from the various warriors called out warnings and tactics as magenta shadows whirled in the air with streaks of blue. Tulin and his father took to the air as the Waterblight screamed.

Wait, what?

* * *

Vah Rudania was parked overlooking Goron City and the long-range weapon debate showed no signs of stopping even as midnight approached. Alarms started being rung when the unmistakable magenta-crimson particles laced the ash-laden air. A massive sphere of darkness slammed into the Divine Beast with a loud boom. That noise which rattled the teeth in Elder Gongoron's skull was followed by many lesser explosions and flashes of light. Elder Gongoron shoved aside several of his brothers to get to the Gossip Network panel to read. Gustaf hadn't been certain if it would be hours or weeks before this happened, but Gongoron was glad he'd listened. The moon was changing color and he wasn't sure how many people would survive the blight.

At least they knew it probably wouldn't be a different element of blight; the heat made fire resistance an absolute requirement for monsters-that-murder out here. Would that hold true for the other blights? Their strategies were tailored to certain champions and battlefields. He cursed when he saw the array of cannons floating in the air above the massive stone salamander.

* * *

Sidon was really, really happy Tula wasn't there and also happy she'd collaborated on the armor modifications for him. The amber jewelry was starting to crack with how much electricity they'd absorbed. She had 'asked politely' for the Akkala tech lab to help too and Sidon felt that otherwise he would be a dead Zora. It didn't help that he kept throwing himself in to defend the other fighters from his knights and the Hyrulean Knights; At least elemental resistance potions for the Gerudo and Hylians were more plentiful. It zipped about the place trading blows with soldiers as everyone struggled to coordinate.

Another thing Sidon was grateful for was his massive bulk. Sidon was a bit taller now than Link's day even if he wasn't King Dorephan big yet. Sidon was maybe the only person even now to tackle and suplex a blight. He slammed the Thunderblight down hard into the water when people started running out of arrows. He really hoped getting it wet would dampen the thing's ability to put out a voltage.

* * *

The crew of Vah Naboris were used to the desert heat but this was ridiculous. The place had become a furnace and they really did not stock enough fireproof elixirs in Chief Nabora's opinion. The Thunder Helm pretty much was their saving grace. They were able to use thunder weapons without worrying about stunning allies. The lone Goron present was also a major help since he didn't burn as easily. It wasn't quite as hot as Death Mountain so the bomb arrows at least were not totally useless. It was still promising to be a very difficult night.

Chief Nabora plunged her ancient tech sword into the back of the dark creature before leaping backwards to let ice arrows pelt it into submission.

* * *

Ravio recharged all the magic rods carried by the team. Ana handed off her paraglider to Ravio with some quick instructions before Hazel and Ravio teleported to the tower by the ranch. Hazel decided to risk the migraines often caused by overusing the transport by horse was going to be a bit longer and she hoped maybe Vah Medoh could be asked for a lift. Strich wasn't much of a flyer but there were plenty of Rito to ask for a ride on board the Divine Beast.

Ana felt that hope crumble when the Blood Moon started rising. They were going to have to fight their way over now if the Rito were otherwise occupied. At least the Guardians weren't going to be a problem. The four teens ran through Hyrule Castle on their way to get some horses and get to the ranch. They all stumbled when their feet stuck to the ground. A skittering noise echoed in the corridor as they looked over the web stretching across the ground.

They discovered what a lot of Hyrule was finding out now; There were an awful lot of Skulltulas when the Malice was used for them instead of Like-Likes.


	22. Blight or Flight Response

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not enough Groose. Too much sales pitchiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to update here after fanfiction.net. Sorry. How do you overturn a law in Clock Town? With a Majora-ty vote.

Ravio didn't really particularly like being so high up, but he did enough tree and mast climbing that it wasn't that big of a deal. Compared to everything else that was going to kill him horribly, this was pretty low ranking. He also had a paraglider. Even if Hazel decided to push him off this ledge, he had a paraglider. It was amazing how quickly perspectives changed. He'd gone from making sure he was on the other side of the ocean from his mother to actively hunting her down.

If only his hands would stop shaking.

Having the Master Sword helped. She didn't talk much but it was like having a friend following him around that only he could hear. Unlike the Koroks, she wasn't visible to him either and wasn't going to dump peppers in his stew when he wasn't looking. The armor felt a bit odd but chainmail was a welcome addition to their wardrobes. The knight armor was swiped from the guards; Ancient Armor owned by Link's descendants was already in use by other parties. The plate hidden under Gustaf's clothes was covered in blood and they didn't want to remove the bandages to get to it. Apparently a lot of other armor pieces were on loan to the protectors on board Divine Beasts.

Well, strategy discussion couldn't hurt in Ravio's opinion. "Hey, Hilda."

"Hm?" She still had the disguise on. She'd forgotten about it.

"Remember what I told you. Veran likes to hurt people, she will probably toy with me and ignore you until I'm dead. I'll try and distract her." He checked the fastenings for the Cane of Pacci, the thunder rod, and the ice rod. He'd left the fire rod back in the castle with Ana. "You'll keep the slate I guess. I'll keep blasting her with magic and use the sword to keep her from getting too close to me." Maybe the disguise would keep fooling people a little while longer. Veran didn't have the eyes that see the truth before.

"Do you think she'll have henchmen too or just monsters with her?"

"Dunno. I figure both but I'm pretty sure that most of the clan was in the castle."

"Are-are you going to be all right?"

"Probably? Maybe?" He hated to broach this subject but had to ask. "Have you, um, have you used the Triforce of Wisdom at all yet?" Hazel grimaced.

"... No. I mean, I think I can get the light arrow spell to work at least..." Hazel said. She didn't look terribly sure of it. Ravio mentally added yet another thing to the list of Reasons He Was Going to Die.

"Well... Let's go?" He and Hazel both sensed the cause of the Blood Moon and definitely didn't want to go over there. They kept jogging that direction anyway. They found the ranch but Veran simply wasn't there anymore. "It's funny, I'm now the greatest threat to the Legendary Hero's lifespan." he joked nervously as they looked around the field and avoided things left behind by livestock. The lack of Like-Likes was also worrying. Hilda glanced at the slate and saw something about spiders.

As she was about to tell Ravio about this worrying development, a couple Yiga Soldiers appeared nearby. They spoke in the Sheikah language. "Kishgal! Hey! Weren't you at the Castle?" The one said then did a quick double-take as Ravio yelped. "You're not Kishgal!" Hazel caught just enough of the words to get a good idea of what they meant. She responded in the Hylian language.

"NO! Go away!" Hazel snarled. "We are here for Veran!" an ambusher seemed surprised this stranger knew some Sheikahn and switched to Hylian. It probably helped that the light of the Blood Moon made her eyes look red.

"Yeah... We're gonna just kill this traitor real quick. You too unless you pledge allegiance to our clan. It's a great gig! You get plenty of bananas!"

"That's stupid! Why would I want to worship a creature that wants to eat everyone?!" Hazel snapped back.

"If she cared that little about common sense," Wait, this was a sales pitch. "There's places with multiple varieties of banana out there." Ravio said as he prepared to use the thunder rod if it didn't work. This was a sales pitch. He was selling freedom and a better set of future life plans in exchange for them going away and leaving him alone. At the very least this was a good stalling tactic while they came up with a better plan.

He was more surprised than he should have been at how well and quickly it worked.

"...multiple varieties?" A taller Yiga asked. Ravio had forgotten about how little the clan cared for thinking skills and how much for appealing fruit. He got the calculating look which he normally did before engaging in capitalism.

"Yep. Sail off to the south for a while. You can have people drop you off on the way to Holodrum." He kept the sales pitch going. "You can sign on with a crew to pay your way or maybe even get a good group of buddies and a boat of your own?" He prayed they didn't ask too many details about the hardships of sailing. Hazel gaped at him incredulously.

"Is that where you've been?"

"I did go sailing for a while?" This was working. It was actually working. "I recommend maybe checking at Lurelin Port. You might, uh, tell some other people." He and Hazel prepared to bolt in the direction of the horrible feeling of doom rather than waste more time here. "Ya know, instead of wasting your lives on a revenge mission against people whose bones crumbled to dust centuries ago, you could be out there. Discovering new bananas." Now to keep talking; there was a larger amount of Yiga visible now. He realized he recognized some of the voices. Hazel was still ready to stab with her elemental swords. "Plus Veran will want to see me. I'm challenging her! She'll want to crush the life out of me herself and if I win, then I'll remember you Shu! You too Akane! And Kairi I see you over there!"

The Yiga clan was always unsettled by Veran recognizing them with masks on and Ravio remembering them after seven years took them off guard a little. "Soooo while I was away I acquired enough power to annihilate Veran!" He couldn't think of anything to say next. He just kept talking and didn't let his, or anyone else's brain catch up. "Why, I drained the Great Deku Tree dry!"

"WHAT!" said everyone present. Hazel openly gaped at her hero's ridiculously blatant lies.

"Why else do you think Veran was able to even burn the woods at all? Took a few years to get the magic out of the tree you see. Sailing was great for finding prime lands to conquer after I finish up here." He hid his nervousness and put on his best customer service smile.

"But you-" started a ninja.

"Heck, I followed the reincarnated Hero right to the pedestal and slit her throat! I used Linkle's blood to seal a nasty curse on those woods and keep her from coming back." He banked heavily on them not having Gossip network access and being a bit behind on the news.

"W-wha-you-you can't possibly-"

"What, you didn't see Veran turn tail and run? She was running from me. This is my future spymaster by the way. Hilda's got all sorts of dirt on the Royal Family."

"Huh? OH yes. You wouldn't believe the Gibdos they have in their closets." She mouthed _What in Hylia's name Ravio what are you even doing_ angrily at him and the aura of wanting to strangle him helped the lie along.

"What about-" Ravio verbally cut off another ninja.

"This is Kishgal's sword. Idiot wasn't expecting payback." He put his hands behind his head and prayed it kept them steady. The shaking would betray the lies. "Why while I was meeting Kishgal at the Castle, I took the liberty of taking out the King; I've got the Triforce of Wisdom now." Ravio peeled off the glove on his left hand and held it up for inspection. "So are you going to let me pass and challenge Veran for leadership or am I gonna have to vaporize you?"

 _There's no way this is working._ he and Hilda thought. Ravio hoped the time bought was used to formulate a good battle plan.

They were both shocked when the Yiga Clan uncertainly parted to let them through.

* * *

The head of the Yiga Clan took her sweet time strolling towards Hyrule Castle and letting her spiders spread a bit of chaos. She wasn't sensing as much death as she would have liked. There didn't seem to be enough laser machines in the field? She pressed a purplish hand to her forehead and reached out mentally to spy though a Skulltula; she then let out an angry yell that caused people miles away to tremble. The Guardians were utterly useless. When she checked with the blights, they were not done killing their targets. There should not be so much resistance to her being able to crush the land under her heel.

She also sensed something else. Veran turned back the way she had come to see two figures approaching. One had an all too familiar sword lighting his way. Judging from the magic aura, it wasn't the fake prop. An arrow zipped past her from the other figure with the faintest trail of white. The second figure seemed agitated. Veran teleported closer and-

"RAVIO!?" Veran was suitably shocked. He'd survived the overchanneling and furthermore, was rather a good distance from the last known location. Ravio was wielding the Master Sword which was not congruent with what she though of her son. She wasn't the only one startled by the sight of a family member in an unexpected state of existence. Ravio also did a double take at the sight of Veran.

"THATBETTERNOTBEHEREDITARY." The least terrifying change was that Veran's white sheikahn hair was now red. Her skin was mostly Malice now and the glowing orange eyes were rather striking. Her robes fluttered among the flowing darkness which was the same now as a blight. It was hard to really see in the light of the Blood Moon and the darkness everywhere but her arms seemed clawed now. The normally silent sword in Ravio's hand decided to speak up while Ravio and Hazel ran out of the way of a fireball. Had Ravio been less preoccupied, his affinity for magic might have allowed him to hear. ( _By my calculations there is less than a 0.002% chance that such mutations are genetic in nature. If you are concerned, avoid dark magic rituals or ingesting cursed matter._ )  
 ****

  
Yiga Sorceress of Shadows

Mistress Veran

In some aspects Veran was a staunch traditionalist. Her attacks were straight out of the evil magic boss handbook. Ravio stifled the urge to run the other direction and spun to face the sorceress. He swung wildly in the direction of a magic orb and it reflected back with a slash. Ravio was reminded of a really weird dream he had about a bug net. Hazel was more proficient with bladed weapons than arrows, but was gamely working on trying to aim and run at the same time. 


	23. Never Attribute To Malice What Can Be Attributed To Stupidity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still not enough Groose but hey, he's in here.

A senior member of the Yiga Clan returned from his quick scouting trip to the ranch where whispers were filling the air. They should have been jubilant ones even if it was a breach of standard ambush procedures to be talking unnecessarily. Bertram grabbed a ponytail and asked what gave.

"Soooo... Report. Now."

"OH Bertram! Ravio's challenging Veran for leadership."

"What?" Bertram had the henchman repeat that sentence and gave the same reaction. He released the grip on the man's hair and contemplated his own scythe with a squint.

"Explain. Why didn't you slit Ravio's throat immediately?!"

"Wellllll..." Two footsoldiers explained rapidly.

"So Ravio drained the Deku Tree of magic and stole the Triforce of Wisdom from the old slimeball King fellow. He's gonna go fight Veran."

"If he wins, we're gonna conquer this place where they have multiple types of banana! If he loses, Veran gets to eviscerate him herself you see. Win-win."

"...And?" Bertram asked even as his face twitched. He wondered if discouraging independent thought to the degree which the clan did was not a good idea after all. Mindless obedience was, well, mindless.

"He killed the Hero and spilled her blood on the Master Sword to keep her from being revived! Linkle won't be a problem ever again! Plus we don't wanna get on his bad side, he killed Kishgal and took the fake sword. He even got it to glow and stuff." Bertram facepalmed.

* * *

They needed to catch up. It was just that there were Skulltulas and webbing everywhere. The eerie red light of the Blood Moon made everything look about 35% more sinister than the usual night time lighting.

Now Strich liked bugs a lot. We established that many chapters ago. Mostly he was a fan of insects; Arachnids he sort of regarded in the same manner a violin fanatic might regard a drum solo. He appreciated that they were bugs but given that spiders tended to eat precious insects... This opinion was being rapidly adjusted in Strich's worldview as he helped fight the spider menace. His knowledge of the way bugs moved actually helped him fare better than many others. He knew just how to get the spear under the body to flip over the monster for a swift victory. He demonstrated his technique to other fighters throughout the halls as Groose, Zeldana, and Aryll burned, shocked, and crushed the creatures. Strich could easily just fly off on his own but the others had no such recourse.

The spiders climbing all over walls and ceilings did not help matters, especially when combined with the webbing. Ana saved the fire rod and fire arrows for clearing blocked passages and wished she had asked to borrow Hazel's flame sword after it was re-enchanted. She needed to get to her sister right away. With the Divine Beasts under siege there was no telling when or if they'd be able to get assistance from the machines.

Strich's opinion of spiders had gone past a 3 out of 10 and was dropping still.

When they finally reached the front gates they all looked at the mass battalion of spiders at the gates and realized getting through was going to be a royal pain. Aryll took a breather before using a thunderbolt to break up the group. It had the added bonus of setting a large web on fire which, in turn, set some of the spiders on fire. They waved at fellow enemies of darkness that thanked them. More fun was to be had in Castletown but the townsfolk and knights mostly had cleared the way. It was easier when there hadn't been as much Yiga to detain.

Strich's arms were too tired for proper takeoff by the time they reached Hyrule field. He flopped onto the grass to wait for Ana point which way the battle was. They knew it was near the ranch at least but if it moved they could not waste time. Ana closed her eyes and turned in place a bit to try and sense her sister's location before pointing. After a few minutes of jogging the telltale sound of stealthy ninjas appearing in a not-at-all-conspicuous-poof caused them to adopt battle stances.

"HALT allies of the Great Betrayers. We will carve our grievances into, into... Oh my Ganon! Is that-Is that HER?"

"I'm gonna take you down, evildoers!" Linkle said ferociously as she aimed a crossbow. Groose decided to go with the usual strategy of taking out the archers first so Strich could fly more freely. He, and the other heroes present were a little shocked at the Yiga screaming.

"She's back from the grave?! Guys, what do we do, how do we kill it?!"

"I don't know, um..." The second footsoldier present bowed to the ground, "Forgive us! Please! Ravio's the one you want revenge on, right? I mean, he's the one that killed you!" Linkle froze with her finger on the trigger and a mouth half-open. Groose had a claymore stopped midswing. "I mean, we're just simple rank and file!"

"Huh? What are you even talking about buddy?" Groose asked, "Did your brains get addled by the Malice or something?"

"Forget it! Ravio can deal with the ghosts himself." The two Yiga present fled in a puff of smoke and Groose scratched his head. He turned to Ana for help and her only explanation was a shrug.

They continued forward in the direction of the ranch.

* * *

The fight with Veran was going about as expected. Ravio kept using the ice and thunder rods when Veran was appearing. Magenta fireballs were thrown his way and sent back with a swing of the sacred sword. Trying to get close enough to stab her was scary and tricky. Skulltulas kept showing up; The spiders were Hazel's main focus. She kept using the remote bombs to do crowd control in between arrows.

Ravio's focus on the battle was not helped by Veran one bit. She kept saying predictable things like "You were born of the shadows boy, what makes you think you could ever stand against them, against me?" and "You always have been and always will be a coward. I am everything you fear." It was all stuff which Ravio had expected really. It was the sort of doubts his brain whispered in his nightmares a lot. He had moved past a lot of it with the Deku Tree and the Koroks help.

It still hurt, it was still distracting, and he still could not help but feel it struck home sometimes with alarming efficiency. Ravio kept fighting regardless.

Hazel had long since abandoned all pretense of not being herself. With the Triforce of Wisdom in Hazel's possession Veran had a pretty good guess that 'Hilda' was a princess. Since Ravio was tricky to land a solid blow on, she decided to try something different. "...Little girl, do you really think that my son can possibly help you? You may as well give up. Although... I might give you both a sample of my new potion formula. It did wonders for my complexion, wouldn't you agree?"

"NO." Hazel said as she chucked a bomb at Veran. An updraft from a flaming patch of grass changed the direction of the bomb but Ravio was able to come in from behind Veran as she was cackling at Hazel and firing more magenta fireballs. Veran gasped in pain and spun around to try and grab Ravio. She took another stab from the Master Sword but did succeed in striking him hard across the chest. Ravio flew backwards and landed hard on some rocks.

 _"You will not be allowed to die boy!"_ Hazel hurriedly drew her bow. Veran flung more fireballs backwards without looking as she dove towards the guy on the ground. Hazel felt the heat from one flying past and prayed her aim would actually hit and the light arrow would actually be a proper light arrow.

The proper light arrow struck Veran in the back as she clamped a viselike claw on Ravio's neck. She dissolved into mist with a pained scream. Ravio rubbed his neck as he scrambled to his feet and looked around for his dropped lightning rod. Only the instincts born of Goddesses only knew how many past lives had caused him to hold on to the Master Sword as if his life depended on it. It really did depend on it.

 **Children.** He and Hazel were both really freaked out when they heard Veran's voice from everywhere at once. It was a frighteningly quiet voice. One that did not need to yell to scrape against the back of your eardrums. **It seems you have destroyed my body.** Ravio stumbled shakily towards his ally and held the Master Sword with both hands. **A little scared princess and a frightened rabbit cowering in the darkness...** The lightning rod lay in two pieces. The ice rod and the Cane of Pacci were still strapped to Ravio's side at least for now. **Caught in my web...** Hazel and Ravio held their weapons of light and frantically searched the dark mist around them to see where the attack was going to come from. The building pressure in the air was suffocating. **Since you destroyed my body... Maybe I'll take yours.** They both sensed it long before they could see or hear Veran coming. Ravio and Hazel yelled warnings to each other

The mass of Malice slammed into Hazel and Ravio like a tsunami of pure hatred. Even with the Master Sword and the Triforce of Courage repelling the sorceress, Ravio felt Veran's assault on his mind. Hazel fared worse. **This will be enjoyable. Ravio simply doesn't have it in him to really hurt people.** Hazel collapsed and screamed as Ravio wondered what to do. Frankly stabbing Hylia's proxy with the divine blade did not occur to him while reeling from a mental attack. (If stabbing things occur to people right away for problem solving you should really worry about their mental health.) **You'll get to slaughter your family yourself.** Veran said. This was a mistake on her part because this renewed the princess' will to fight back. She'd managed to catch the girl off guard, otherwise there would have been the kind of fight which led to Zelda stalemating the Calamity for a good century plus some. Now that Hazel had it hammered home what Veran would and could do with Hazel's body and Triforce, she made Veran's takeover painful in the extreme.

This gave a precious few seconds of time for Ravio to look at the sword, look at the princess, then slam the hilt of the Master Sword into the back of Hazelda's helmet. Hard. He wasn't sure what else to do and could sense, at the edge of his hearing, a scolding from the divine weapon.* He held the flat of the sword to Hazel's face as Veran/Hazel thrashed.

It was this scene which Ana arrived to. "What are you doing to Hazel?!" she drew her bow as Ravio was yelling something about a session? The tension?

She realized what the word was when she saw the darkness pulling away from her sister and lunging for her. Groose had been keeping up with Ana and shoved her aside to be knocked off his feet by Veran. He had the sensation of being crushed by literal darkness while the literal darkness said, **Useless.** He felt it leave while Ravio and Hazel were aiming at him nervously. Now that Veran was gone out of his head, Groose had the urgent desire to scrub the inside of his skull with soap.

They all heard a distinct rumble from the ranch pasture. A terrifying sight was tearing away from the ground on eight legs. They were some kind of appendages anyway. If there were pictures of Demise's hatred doing his thing last incarnation, they'd probably have seen the resemblance. Segments akin to Guardian pieces were held together by blackness and glowing purplish veins of Malice. No beard was there this time: all the hair was on top of the head. Veran was pretty unrecognizable except oddly enough, she seemed to have kept the hat. Large orange eyes glared at the prey in front of her. 

**  
Scourge of Lon-Lon Ranch**

**Spiderblight Veran**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks guys for reading! Would you believe that there are tons of guides for how to avoid cheesy villain dialogue but an astounding lack of guides on how to throw yourself face first into cheesy villain dialogue?
> 
> * I don't know what Fi would say, maybe something like "Don't do that" or "Logical error." What would she even say?


	24. Death of the Vile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Queue up some boss music. Probably not your favorite boss music ever but really make sure it is suitable for giant spider monster fighting please.

"Is that Ganon or Veran?!" yelped Groose while he gripped his claymore. It was definitely hard to tell what exactly this thing was that was screaming.

"Don't know! Doesn't matter!" Hazel yelled and regretted it. Post-possession migraine made for a nasty distraction. She was already suffering the monster's stupidly loud battle cry and her own yelling added a little to the headache.

"We need to stop this monster either way!" Linkle added as she began firing. The Spiderblight Veran crawled towards them.

Everyone scattered with weapons drawn, Hazel was reeling and somewhat unsteady on her feet. Ana and Ravio had to drag her upright. Veran jumped upwards as bows and a crossbow were being pointed at her. She crashed down onto the ground with fangs clacking and left bubbling puddles of malice where she landed. Some of them dissolved quickly into the air to feed power back to Veran, others stayed where they were with large orange eyes watching the world.

As things stood, the team was pretty well out of elemental arrows. Linkle had used half of her bolts in the castle but had more ammunition than Strich and Ana who were down to twelve and twenty-one arrows respectively. Although good on bolts, Linkle was down to one roasted endura shroom skewer and a truffle. Groose had a truffle left and Strich a single heart elixir.

Hazel yelled for people to target the large eyes, she planned to hand off the Hero's Slate to Groose, Ana, or Strich when she was close enough: Ravio would have his cane, rod, and Master Sword. Hazel herself was channeling the Sealing power so did not need the runes. The shockwave caused Linkle to stumble but she recovered quickly and snapped. The bolt stunned Veran mid-charge for about half of a second. Groose and Ravio targeted a couple of legs but were not having much success; the bits of ancient tech material were pretty tough and Veran was keeping her body away from easy stab distance. She targeted Strich. Tactically speaking, she'd armored herself against people of short to normal height who were stuck on the ground. Strich seemed to have worn himself out already but she wanted to make sure of that.

Veran ignored the damage she was taking and went for the easy kill on a grounded Rito. Orange eyes illuminated Strich's face as Veran spat a web at him. The web was temporarily frozen by stasis. Veran lunged and bit...

* * *

On board the Divine Beast Vah Medoh it was probably the easiest matchup for them. Many fire and ancient arrows were used to quickly bring down the Blight. Teba was glad he wore the armor despite concerns it might weigh him down and dragged himself to the frozen terminal. Everyone was quickly shooed off the machine and it perched near the castle. Teba aimed.

* * *

A laser descended from the North and sent her flying sideways. Strich limped out of the way of the web. In the moments she was recovering, Veran was slashed in the back and face by various bladed weapons. She righted herself and formed some basic shadow simulacrums to distract her prey. She didn't have time to summon proper shadow clones to taunt or torment people psychologically. They were really annoying skulltulas. Linkle had to use precious time slicing them apart before she could reach Strich. Hazel passed the Slate to Ana and she began tossing bombs in various places to clear malice pools. If one ended up near Veran and not near an ally, that was an added bonus.

* * *

Sidon triumphantly impaled the soggy Thunderblight. When it was soaked, it was only left with the swift movement, non-electrocuted metal pillars, and its Blood-Moon-amplified strength to fight with. When not being electrocuted, the helpers Sidon had with him were able to wear it down. Everyone ran to the Castle to help fight spiders while Sidon activated the controls. He wished he was good at healing like Mipha but there were altogether too many things he wished for and stopping to list them was pointless.

* * *

Linkle's last lightning bolt staggered Veran after the Sorceress found her bearings. Veran spat a web of malice at Linkle and caught the girl's leg. She frantically struggled to free the now very burned leg. Ravio rushed to cut Linkle free and before Veran could do the same to Ravio, a red beam from the northeast hit. Veran screamed in several different octaves at once while arrows and bolts hit their mark too. In between the Spiderblight's screaming, everyone else was yelling warnings, tips, and trying to coordinate as best they could.

Groose was grabbed and thrown into Ravio and Linkle. The hideous Spiderblight jumped into the air again and all three were thrown by the shockwave when Veran missed. Hazel and Ana fired two light arrows at the same time. Both the stronger and the weaker light arrow penetrated deep into the insectoid carapace.

Ravio scrambled up and frantically looked for the Master Sword. He'd dropped it when thrown and getting it back was of the utmost importance. He felt that without the Master Sword, Veran probably would have successfully targeted him for possession or dropped a really nasty curse on him. He tried not to move his left wrist, it was most likely sprained from the way it felt. Unfortunately, Veran noticed the sword was meters away from Ravio and happily positioned herself between him and the sword. Spider legs ending in hands reached for and grasped Ravio. Linkle fired bolt after bolt at the horrible grinning face in a futile attempt to distract Veran. Veran spit a web at Ana then tried to bite off Ravio's head.

* * *

The Fireblight was finally dead. Melted swords, spears, and greatswords clattered to the ground as the thing dissolved with Chief Nabora's ice sword shredding through the neck. She helped the wounded out of the way and piloted Vah Naboris to a vantage point. She grinned and directed the charge.

* * *

The laser from the southwest struck home and Ravio was dropped out of the decapitation zone. He was still being chased, of course, and getting to the sword was definitely an issue. Projectiles did not distract Veran in her mad fury directed at her son. He was darting back and forth between stomping claws and unable to get past. The ice rod wasn't doing anything to slow the fiend down. Groose saw the Master Sword on the ground, realized Ravio's predicament, and scooped up the divine blade with a disregard for the inevitable damage to his hands. He ran and without thinking, stabbed upwards under the monstrous fiend. Veran screeched and jumped away. Ravio pulled out the Cane of Pacci and channeled. The surge of power flipped Veran over midair and she writhed on her back when she crash landed. Ravio gratefully accepted back the Master Sword with an inaudible 'thank you.' Veran's screeching made yelling as loud as possible insufficient. Groose was happy the sword hadn't rendered his fingers immobile.

Linkle cleared more of the eyes from the ground after Veran came back down. Her supply of bolts was out now. Ana and Strich both ran out of arrows long ago. Hazel called out "Ravio! Do you have an extra rod for them?" Ravio tossed the ice rod to Ana as Hazel ordered Strich and Ana back.

* * *

The grand crossbow/longbow debate which divided the ranged weapon fanatics of Hyrule was not really settled to their satisfaction. A shoulder cannon blast from the Goron Randallson finished off the Windblight and left Vah Rudania free to perch and aim. The Goron champion Darmani shrugged off his own cannon harness and prepared to use the ultimate long range weapon.

He kind of felt the bow controversy was pointless when there were lasers and cannons.

* * *

Veran's movements were much more erratic and unpredictable now that she was getting more desperate. Hazel kept blasting her with sealing power and wondered how much longer until the creature was sufficiently weakened. Ravio took a deep breath, he was sure he had only a little bit more time until he could channel enough power to flip Veran over again and maybe finish her off. A laser from the north drove Veran into a grove of trees. Ravio swung the cane as Veran spat more webs out. The webs were disintegrated by a light from Hazel's hand. Veran ended up on her back and the heroes made their move.

Ravio plunged the Master Sword in between Veran's eyes.

"You aren't going to kill anyone else. Begone."

The sealing power Hazelda wielded utterly crushed the screaming Veran into nothingness.

A blessed quiet descended as the red light faded in the sky.

"...is it dead? Did we win?" Linkle asked Ravio. She did not put away the scimitar.

"...Hilda?" asked Ravio. She would probably know. Ravio felt like it was probably all over but no one would relax until he checked that Hazel didn't sense anything either. The Master Sword's glow had faded from brilliant moonlight to more of a starlight sort of level.

Hazel nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had most of this written then remembered the Sheikah Slate. Maybe more edits will happen in the future? The pun title for this chapter alone took way too much time to come up with.


	25. Knight Life in Castletown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Veran dead, it's time to go back to town and tell people who killed the Calamity. First, they may want a torch. It's a bit dark without moonlight.

There were still a few problems after they had finished off the final boss really. For starters, the injuries. There were myriad lacerations from claws, bruises from bashing, scrapes from the ground, and burns from malice or fire. Aryll and Strich were picked to take the Slate back to Castletown since they had not used the transport rune twice in the past 24 hours and had worse injuries than Groose.

Aryll said she wanted to check on her grandmother. She and Strich left after Aryll gave directions on where to go. Everyone wanted to check the Gossip network and, morbidly, see who ahd or had not died. Groose wanted nothing more than to flop down on a bed and sleep after checking about Tarrey. He wouldn't be surprised if everyone else wanted to do that as well. There was a more pressing concern on his mind.

"Hey, Ana, you okay there? Hazel? Ravio?"

"I'm okay." Ana said as Ravio settled on a rock that looked unscorched. Hazel was grimacing when she should have been smiling. Ravio winced when he looked at the rectangular red mark on her face.

"Doubt I'm ever going to sleep without a light again after having Veran in my head." Hazel said. Groose shuddered in sympathy.

"Yeah, I don't want to think about that. That was the worst."

"Wait, she got in your head too?" Groose shuddered and nodded. Hazel decided they should change the subject. It was going to be a long walk even without that kind of thought at the forefront of her mind. "It seems the Divine Beasts were able to do a number on that thing at least. We are going to have to thank everyone. They really saved us."

"I think I'm going back home and sleeping for a week." Ravio said. He looked at the Castle in the distance and mentally judged the walk distance. It was going to be too long for his liking even if Yiga didn't attack on the way. A heavy sigh was heaved.

"Can't do that. You'll miss the party." Groose said. "We stopped the Blood Moon! No Calamity is gonna destroy Tarrey!" Ravio would rather not be in front of the inevitable crowds.

"We can tell people you killed it. Hey, maybe you can take the sword again? That was awesome!"

* * *

Shad and Medilia were caught out on the road when the Blood Moon rose. They had been riding from the Woodland area to Castletown when Skulltulas began their campaign to ruin everyone's night. Medilia was going to Castletown with the hope she could get some answers about the lost woods and make absolutely certain the charges against her were removed by any means necessary. Shad was there to report back to the university. When spiderpocalypse reared its head, Shad had his crossbow and he did what he could to shoot from horseback. Medilia used her spear to fend off any attackers that got close. Most of the stuff they tried to ride around or past. It took a few detours to get around the spiders and Medilia refused to die when her daughter was still missing as far as she knew. Shad ran out of bolts before the moon had stopped being tinted a doom-laden crimson.

She was glad Shad came along but still wasn't sure about his theory regarding Ravio. Anyone related to Veran would not be trustworthy until proven otherwise and she was definitely not happy about Aryll's reputation being sullied. That man had only moved from 'Definite Threat to Aryll' to 'Probably a Threat to Aryll' status. The letter was too good of a coincidence and he might not have been the one to write it. Medilia's handwriting was pretty close to her daughter's handwriting so it might have been a relative of his or something. If he had indeed defected from the clan, she'd consider 'Might Not Hurt Aryll' status. They approached Castletown wearily and Shad hailed a man with a broken spear.

"Good evening! Are you all right?" It was actually the morning but since dawn had not cracked yet, no one cared.

"I'm fine. Spiders got my leg but they disappeared when the Blood Moon stopped. Guess they killed Ganon!" The man said. He assumed it was Calamity Ganon that died. He was halfway correct in that assumption at least.

"Thank the Goddesses for that. I'm looking for my daughter actually. Have you seen a girl named Aryll, sometimes calls herself Linkle?" Medilia asked. The man shook his head. "Well, thanks anyway. Hey, want a ride?" Medilia and Shad put the wounded man on Shad's horse and finished their way in to Castletown.

Shad broke off to look for his own friends with a mutual promise between the two of them to keep an eye out for friends/family. The lack of light in the streets was really annoying for facial recognition. The moon setting caused a lesser problem than the red glow; The streets were freaking dark. Medilia's lantern got smashed on a Skulltula's eyes about thirty minutes ago which left her relying on night vision. The voice of Castletown was loud with the mixed cheering, sobbing, yelling, and what have you. She was hardly the only one searching for a loved one. She decided to start with her mother-in-law's place. Seeing her safe was important and Aryll would definitely worry about her Grandma. All thought of weariness dropped from Medilia's mind and no crowd, collapsed wall, or stubbed toe could stop her. She made a beeline for the barracks like she should have done the moment she set foot in Castletown just as dawn was getting ready to break.

The mother-in-law was a very popular old cook employed by the knights. Soldiers listed her soup as the second best accommodation in the Castletown barracks next to the grandmother. Medilia made offers for the woman to come live with them at the canyon, but she had some freinds in Castletown and wanted to take care of 'lads and lasses who work so hard.' Everyone called her Grandma and rumor had it no one really remembered her real name at this point. (That was untrue, only a majority of people forgot her real name.) Grandma was probably in the second most defended location in the town due to her job cooking for the knights. Medilia tripped over a guy by the doorway to the barracks. The dark haired tripping hazard apologized to her while scrambling upright. "Sorry! I'll move ma'am. You can go first." He held open the door as some other people were coming to the barracks entry.

"It's okay, I should be more careful next time..." Wait. The outline of the face was difficult to make out but now he was slightly more illuminated by the torchlight. "YOU!" Tripping Hazard suddenly found himself on the ground with a foot on his chest and a speartip positioned right beneath his chin before he realized it.

"Where is my daughter?! Spawn of Veran, if anything happened to her because of you I will paint these stones with your blood before you even blink! WHERE IS ARYLL!?" Someone behind her was yelling for her to stop but it didn't register. A brighter gleam than firelight illuminated the startled boy's face.

"Ma-Ma'am! It's not-I'm not-I didn't-"

"Lady, he's not working for Veran, he just killed her. Step away from my friend here." Groose asked. "Please?" Hazelda had her hand up and glowing, ready to help Ravio if necessary. Aryll ran out the door.

"Mom! Hey! Leave Ravio alone, I'm fine!" Medilia did a complete 180 turn to hug her daughter and sob. Groose, Ana, and Hazel silently decided to let Aryll handle it. Ravio still had the foot on his chest. "Mooooooom you're embarrassing meee! I left a note..." Strich poked his head out the window then went back in to tell Grandma her daughter-in-law was outside and maybe she should check it out.

"You could have died!"

"Um..." Ravio didn't really want to interrupt the reunion but felt the cobbles were really uncomfortable. Also having the scabbard pressing into his back was uncomfortable. "...Would you..."

"Aryll you are so grounded!"

"I just helped save Hyrule! I think I should get a pass!"

"...sorry but this is really uncomfortable could you move-"

"No." Medilia snarled.

"Mom, don't kill him. I'll explain."

"Okay." Medilia snarled. She unhappily removed her boot from Ravio's chainmail but did not take her eyes off him for one second. "Do you know who this is Aryll? I mean really know."

"He ran away from his mother and the rest of the Yiga clan when he was ten. The Great Deku Tree adopted him!" Aryll explained.

"I, uh, kind of ran into Miss Aryll in Tarrey and she needed a guide for the Lost Woods you see." Ravio timidly said while trying to sidle away from the really sharp looking spear.

"What was your father's name voe?" Medilia asked. She was beginning to suspect something which Ravio then confirmed.

"I don't actually know...Veran didn't tell me that and I don't actually remember him at all." Medilia was uncertain if she would believe this kid without more interrogation. Glowing sword aside, she had suspicions. The door had a tiny old lady silhouette appear in it quietly before Medilia formulated her next sentence. The Grandma enthusiastically hugged Aryll.

"My little hero! Oh you're safe! My precious little hero I was so worried. Medilia you must come in and rest, you survived oh thank Din..." Ravio relaxed as the Grandma did some hugging and fussed over the two Gerudo.

The Grandma then peered at Ravio with large eyes. He'd been stabbed at, gaped at, whispered at, shot at, arrested, challenged, shunned, and accosted by all manner of people in the past few days. He knew something was going to happen with the way this lady was staring at him.

"Arn?... No..." Ravio was shocked when the old lady _embraced_ him with a smile and a sob.

"Huh?" He uncertainly returned the gesture and was baffled by this new development.

"You're _home._ You're _back._ My little grandson, you're alive!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, Grandma was supposed to be a postmortem presence but you know what? No. I'm running out of puns but luckily I've only got like an ending chapter, an epilogue, and maybe a bonus chapter planned. You guys rock. Also GOSH DARN IT I knew I missed some egregious things but flipping East and Weast is pretty big. (This might be why I lack followers. That or the lack of Dark Link.) I know there's larger errors than that but yeah. I went back and fixed the directions.


	26. A Groosesome Fate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternate Title: Maple's Cool Play

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This was posted April 1st, just so you know.)

Strich flapped back to Tarrey Town and made a beeline to his place. He wanted to see how the Bug Sanctuary fared and make sure giant spiders didn't eat it. The bugsitter girl probably took good care, but he still worried.

Exterior decorations on his house could be seen easily down the road. Strich flew in for a closer look and saw the banner strung up advertising a ball.

This redecoration could not stand. It was well intentioned but not to Strich's interior design sensibilities whatsoever.

In the interior of his home streamers festooned. Strich strode over to the place where his planters filled with dirt were and delicately picked up a bit of confetti to sniff at it.

The wndow was smashed in and some Yiga Soldiers came through to challenge him to a fight.

"You will die for Ganon now fool!" they said then punched him. Strich punched back. He was losing the fight when all a sudden the other window got smashed in. Groose, Linkle Hazel, and Ravio all came in to fight off the bad guys.

"Thanks guys you saved me," Strich said. "Why did they come here."

"I don't know." Linkle said. "Oh no whats that?" Linkle pointed to the location where Ravio was being kidnapped by evil bad guys. She used some bolts to stop them but she was too late. Everybody ran to catch up with the bad Yiga but they teleported away and Ravio had dropped the Master Sword.

"OH NO they're going to do some bad stuff to Ravio! We have to rescue him!" Said Groose. Hazel grabbed the sword.

The team chased them to the Yiga Clan hideout in the Hebra mountains where it was cold and snowy. The evil ninjas started an avalanche but Strich flew them all out of the way of the avalanche.

While Groose and the friends were coming to rescue Ravio he was tied up and none to pleased about it. They were taunting him saying "We're going to let your friends die and kill you too!"

"No you wont they are heroes!" Said Ravio.

Groose and Aryll kicked in the door and said "We are rescuing you Ravio! Die evil ninjas!" and so they started to fight

Hazel came in and decided she needed to kill fast but Linkle's bolts were too slow so Hazel used her bare hands. An evil wizard kidnapped Ravio again while they were fighting the bad guys. They ran after him and sa him trying to give Ravio evil potion to turn him into a monster.

"No I don't wanna drink evil potion!"

"I will make you drink it." Said the wizard and turned Ravio into a Dark Link.

"OH NO" cried Hazel feeling very sad.

"BWahaha I'm evil now and am going to kill you!"

* * *

_And now a word from our sponsor._

If you're saavy, if you're smart, you will shop at Malo Mart!

_And now back to the show._

* * *

"Oh no brother it's me your sister. We are rescuing you." said Linkle.

"I don't need sister I'm evil! You will be kill by Dark Links!" said the Dark Ravio and he summoned shadowy evil versions of Blupees called Purplees to steal everyone's ruppees and replace them with rupoors. He meant to call Dark Link clones but he decided he wanted to steal money instead.

"RAVIO YOU ARE OUR FRIEND PLEASE STOP" said Groose. "you are a Dark Link! But you're not Dark Link!" Ravio saw his reflection and was sad.

"Please kill me so I stop being evil."

"Okay." Groose said. He killed Ravio with his claymore so he could rest and be at piece. Everyone was sad and Linkle was mad.

"You killed my brother! He was your fiernd."

"He was Dark Link!"

"No, Groose. You are the Dark Links"

And then Groose was a redead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a proper chapter but it was a more poorly written bit of English language than the usual so it is being rewritten. Hope people unfamiliar with April 1st aren't too confused. This took like maybe ten minutes to write and is shameless filler. Also not canon to even this non-canon work.


	27. Dawn

Now Linebeck in the past couple days had an interesting time of it too. The sea captain was eager to leave but was worried about his timid crewman. He and first mate Senza elected to stick around in Port Akkala one more day after some debate. Linebeck made a big show of the complaining, of course. He'd sent Niko to ask around town the day after they parted. They regretted dawdling when the knights came knocking the second night. After asking what they knew about Cawlin, the knights brought the crew in for questioning and it was an unpleasant experience. Also Linebeck was a little offended Cawlin hadn't told him Cawlin was a pseudonym. The third night they were released with an apology and some tea. If it hadn't been dark out, Linebeck would have loved to sail out right away. He was interested to know why people kept calling Cawlin 'Ravio' or he might have just left without the scones. Apologies over scones got interrupted by a red light outside.

Linebeck was rather done with Hyrule at this point. The spiders helped that feeling of not liking this country anymore.

They somehow survived the night and were packing up so they would be able to set sail the moment Niko got back. The sailors figured Cawlin was okay since the knights said something about him being a hero? They'd sounded uncertain about it...

"Captain Linebeeeeck! You gotta come see this!" Yelled a voice from a short guy on the dock. Heck, he was even shorter than Cawlin and Cawlin was only five-foot-something. Linebeck leaned over the bow. He had no interest in the scuttlebutt around this particular harbor.

"Niko! About time you got back. Let's go. This land is cursed."

"But captain, you'll want to get over here. The knights are showing everyone this new stuff and..."

"Did you not see the giant monster spiders?"

"Come see Cawlin! He's on this slate thingy!"

After more back and forth, curiosity got the better of Linebeck and the treasure hunter crew. They left Gonzo on board and squeezed into the guard station lobby next to some rather excited Zoras. A rectangular square was showing a moving image and some people were excitedly whispering about Purah getting it to work and stuff. What the heck was a broadcast?

There was a louder voice than all the rest of the crowd and realization dawned on the crew that the voices were that of the people on the screen. There were the people from Tarrey town. The tall orange haired fellow seemed to have ended up spokesman for the time being. The yellow Rito seemed a little worse for the wear and he was not the only one with noticeable bandages; the Gerudo girl sported a lot of wrapping on her legs. Along with the people he recognized, there were two other blonde teenage girls standing next to each other and they were probably sisters from the look of it. The rest of the people in the broadcast seemed to be separate from the group. "...Yeah, that's how we killed the blight and we made it look good doing it..." Eventually he seemed to finish talking and stepped back to rejoin the group Cawlin was in.

From what Linebeck knew of Cawlin, he definitely wanted to be somewhere else. He was watching the crowd as if looking for an escape route or possibly cutthroats. The old king was sitting unlike most present. It looked like he was the one speaking at the moment.

"... So yeah, to answer your question, I do have something to tell the Yiga Clan!" The two sisters looked like they were anticipating something embarrassing from the way they braced themselves. "IN YOUR FACE! I still live, you losers!" The head librarian standing next to Gustaf looked up at the sky with a massive sigh. "That's it for that." The questioner, some representative from the parliament no doubt, nodded and approached a now very nervous looking Cawlin.

"So, uh, Ravio. You want to tell us about your family?" Cawlin looked less nervous now that he knew the question wasn't something tricky.

"Oh where do I begin? Sooo meeting my sister is pretty awesome! I wish I saw her fight Kishgal actually. That was pretty great. She's going to help me practice swordfighting when her leg is better and she's utterly fearless. This is the coolest Grandma ever too. She's nice and she's got the best stories and doesn't want me dead." He waved at the tiny old woman cheerfully and she waved back. "Mrs. Blacksmith is really cool too and is probably not trying to kill me." Veran had set the bar shockingly low for motherhood.

"I mean your other family." said the dignitary.

"Grandpa is amazing! I've never seen him angry. He slept all the time but he would always listen to me when I needed to talk and he knows everything. Everyone there was so nice even when pranking me and stuff." some of the audience looked a little concerned about the nostalgic tone and happy smile Cawlin had. "Heck, Grandpa didn't even get mad when I accidentally burned some of his branches." The audience visible ditched the look of alarm for a look of confusion. "He took like a hundred years to grow that one and all he did was offer to do the magic lesson again. Then there was the time..." The interviewer coughed while Ravio prattled. "...taking Grandma in to the forest to meet him next week." the interviewer coughed more loudly.

"...Could you tell us about your other relatives, the Yiga?" The happy smile dropped from Cawlin's mouth into obscurity alongside the fates of several one hit wonder bards.

"Welllll... I ran for a lot of reasons. Also my mother literally tried to bite off my head a few hours ago. Are we done?" Linebeck and crew continued to stare at the screen as other people took turns describing last nights events and reading reports from other areas. They wanted to see more but a red ponytail made itself visible in the crowd and became a shark fin parting the waters. Linebeck made haste and he made a lot of it.

Jolene had arrived.

* * *

The properly planned ceremony a few days later went much more smoothly. Hazel had very reluctantly parted with the Sheikah Slate that day when King Gustaf found out Ravio hadn't touched it since the access granting. Gustaf liked Ravio and they gleefully swapped banana recipes. (Gustaf developed a love for the fruit over the years of claiming it in victory.) Hazel and Ana were involved once more in the glassworks and with babysitting but did take time to visit and chat with their new friends. Daltus took a long look at Ravio and decided he was sufficient. He then sought ways to butter up Ravio in the hopes of getting to play with the slate. Jezeldabel followed suit and Ravio began to really dread seeing them.

Ravio was working on the trial but reported a while later to Aryll "Link said I'm good enough for government work!" with a happy little dance.

Aryll and Ravio returned to Castletown from their shopping trips with sand clinging to their boots or other oddities. Merchants of Castletown were uncertain if losing the Grandma as a customer was a bad or good thing; that woman could haggle. It was considered a rite of passage among local merchants to sell things to Grandma. The two siblings seemed eager to get her the freshest ingredients from the best places. Only the best was good enough for Grandma and shopping trips to Lurelin were no problem with the transport rune. They wrapped up at the shrine after the teleport and put on fluffy knitted scarves before sprinting to their Grandma's kitchen.

The scarves were hand knitted by Hazel for each of the Champions and it was impressive she'd done such an amazing job in such a short time. Ravio and Linkle's had stripes to match each other. Groose and Strich got ones in colors to match knight uniforms. They were warm and fluffy and perfect for keeping out the autumn chill. The Divine Beast Pilots were given more traditional embroidered cloths in the ceremony. Some really stupendous artwork was made in honor of the Blightslayers.

Strich's opinion of spiders never really got back up past a 3 out of 10. Much of Hyrule had developed arachnophobia but the wave of spiders did have a positive benefit. Unbeknownst to the Gerudo, another nomadic tribe was considering moving into the desert and maybe trying their hand at conquest. They scoffed at the rumors of Divine beasts. The night they trekked across the borders, they took one look at the spiders and noped right back home to try conquering Labrynna instead. This benefit was massively outweighed by the PTSD episodes triggered by Guardians that looked like spiders from a distance.

As for the Guardians, they were fixed right back up. Rosso's, and other mechanics, had hearts filled with joy and delight as he watched Lizalfos fried with a dramatic piano solo.

Medilia resigned herself to Ravio liking her on the basis that she wasn't trying to kill him or practicing dark curses. He seemed to just be a fan of anyone who showed him kindness.

Linkle had her crossbow signed by Prince Sidon and was invited to dinner sometime at Zora's domain. Oh, and so were Grandma and Ravio. With her membership reinstated the headcount of the club was back to 2,466 members. The Prince Sidon Fan Club rejoiced at the victory over the Thunderblight. When Ravio realized Prince Sidon had zero desire to kill him he was rather happy. The fan club headcount was 2,467 after that.

The Yiga Clan was left without a clear leader and the council was puzzling over various odd loopholes introduced by Veran's haphazard changes to clan law. She didn't like writing down a lot of her research and magic formulas. What was written down was actually really hard to read. Terrible handwriting did run in the family.

Strich and Groose were returned to Tarrey yesterday and it was kind of quiet without them around. Groose's rupees were down to a value barely in the double digits. Strich paid the bugsitter girl and still hadn't decided to keep the redecoration she'd executed in his absence. In the interest of not disappointing a little kid, he left most of it up but drew the line at glitter. The pair were greeted quite warmly by their fellow knights and the captain quietly gave them a pay raise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kept one detail from last chapter. Agitha probably had great fun. Also I totally forgot the Wheelieblight Ganon: Scourge of Master Cycle Zero. I'll add him next to Sheerow on the list of forgotten characters which should have happened. There's another chapter but I think it will need to be split into two. This chapter title may be changed after I think of a pun. Dawn of the Nerd Day didn't fit...


	28. Bonus - Rise and Shrine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ravio takes over the family business for a brief time.

It had been many weeks now since the Calamity was sealed.

Ravio seemed to have established a routine. He spent some days in the Korok Forest of course, a lot of days with his Grandma, and other days travelling out with his sister. Aryll had been thrilled to discover she had a sibling and decided it meant she would be able to borrow the Hero's Slate without getting permission every time. Medilia liked making Aryll agree to take Ravio with her on errands and whatnot; there was the transport rune and Ravio did his best to drag Aryll away from dangerous things. He attracted trouble in the same way a lightning rod attracted lightning. He got injured a few times but Aryll came back in one piece every time.

There were definitely problems with Ravio's upbringing which became apparent the more they got to know him. It was inevitable that when the father figure is a tree that sleeps for days at a time, a kid would probably pick up on a little of that. Medilia sighed as she looked in on the chair which Ravio had commandeered for a nap. She woke him up with a gentle prod.

"Hey! Hello?! It's getting a bit late in the morning to be sleeping. Up and at em." Ravio shifted to get more comfortable but showed no signs of waking up fully. Medilia raised her voice and swiped the blanket. He blearily moved to a sitting position.

"Can I just..." He yawned widely. Medilia rolled her eyes.

"Okay, so here's the deal. The usual shop girl is out today. Recette is taking care of her aunt for the next couple days. Aryll is taking care of the cuccoos this morning so you are going to go out there and serve whoever walks in that door. Everything in there has a price tag or is listed in the books and I'll be back this evening, okay?" Ravio seemed a little more awake now.

"You're having me look after the shop?"

"Yeah. If you have questions remember to ask Aryll." Ravio's scarf moved a little bit of its own volition. "...What did you bring home this time?" That was another thing which annoyed Medilia about the kids. Every week a new critter seemed to be brought in. It was problematic but she didn't have time to give him the full lecture before leaving today. A tiny white fluffy thing peeped as Ravio looked incredibly guilty.

"It kind of followed me around and wouldn't go away. It's a good bird! It won't be any trouble at all. Really. I'll keep him away from the forges and stuff." He was doing the puppy dog eyes. Medilia examined the large red eyes and large beak-to-body ratio on the thing snuggled in Ravio's scarf.

"What is that thing?" It definitely wasn't the normal small mammal nor was it like any bird she'd seen. It may have been cute but a blacksmithy wasn't exactly a place for small pets.

"We thought it was a baby seagull or something at first but then we got close enough to get a good look at it. I didn't want him to be lonely. Just look at his cute little face." The blacksmith took her leave and decided that it was a problem to be dealt with later.

"Just watch the shop." She had a slight uneasy feeling as she left.

* * *

The Korok Forest was difficult to get into so Osfala ruled that one out for approaching Ravio. Trying to interrogate him when he was visiting his Grandma wouldn't have worked too well. (It probably would have gotten them either delicious soup or an upset Grandma. They didn't want to risk it.) It was time to settle the bet once and for all. The Kakariko library/bookstore owned by the twins needed to be manned. Lana lost the coin flip and so it was Cia and Osfala who made the trek to the armory; Osfala went in first with Cia sauntering in behind him. He had practiced his intimidating look that said 'don't try anything funny because it's my job to stop people's funny business.'

He still couldn't get his eyebrow twitch quite right.

Ravio woke up immediately upon hearing the bell ring signaling a customer. He sat upright and greeted the two Sheikah which walked through the door.

"Good afternoon sir! How can we help you? We have high quality armor and weapons for the discerning warrior!" Ravio grinned widely. "You want the best garden tools to work on flowerbeds? We've got those too!" Now Medilia didn't really have many weapons in stock at the moment so Ravio felt no guilt setting out his own wares in the empty holders with rental prices. She'd mostly focused on making shields recently to replenish the ones lost to the like-like blight and a weapons order. Osfala studied magic staffs as they tried to make light conversation and maybe bring the subject of conversation to Ravio himself.

Or, you know, skip a lot of dancing around the subject and just go for it.

"Why, aren't you Ravio?" Cia asked him with a smile. "You should tell us about yourself. Is that the Master Sword on your back?" She tried to lean on the counter but Ravio was already pulling out the price book. He figured they would want some of Medilia's throwing knives. Cia also really had the strangest urge to give Ravio a carrot and watch to see if he twitched his nose.

"Yep! The one and only!" Ravio said. "I didn't want her to be lonely." Something squeaked somewhere but Osfala didn't notice. Nor did Cia. They were both wondering what the guy just said. Ravio glanced at the sword hilt briefly. ("I am incapable of feeling the emotion known as 'loneliness' Master.")

They regarded this cheerful guy behind the counter while wondering where the brooding and angst was. Osfala reasoned it probably wasn't really normally going to be a regular thing to monologue to oneself when selling helmets. He hadn't ever done customer service. Cia had, but didn't get the internal-customer-service-rant vibe off Ravio. "If you are unsure about what sort of weapons you want, we rent weapons! I'll also recharge magic rods or elemental blades for a small fee."

"I know weapons, I doubt I'd make the mistake of buying the wrong one." Osfala said. "My skill and preparation were instrumental to slaying the Waterblight..." Cia rolled her eyes as Osfala bragged.

"Really!? I owe you guys then! I can't give you a discount on Mrs. Blacksmith Mom's creations but I'll give you a special deal on magic stuff. Heck, I'll throw in a magic rod recharge with any purchase of her stuff today. Want to see a sand rod in action?"

"Sand rod? What does that do?" Osfala asked without being aware he and Cia were about to participate in the grand system of capitalism. The squeak happened again and the white fluffy thing fluttered out as Ravio was telling Osfala all about uses for the sand rod. "Oh wh-Is that your familiar?" Osfala asked. He assumed this was some conjured creature made to assist in shady magics because it certainly wasn't anything he'd seen before.

"I'm not familiar with what it is either. I was going to ask grandpa what he is! I think I'm gonna call him Sheerow. You like that name little buddy?" It chirped and bounced in the most adorable manner and Cia suddenly wondered where she could get one. It was a truth, universally acknowledged: No matter how cute the boy, if there's a small fluffy animal, the boy loses.

"That's not what I- never mind." Osfala decided he didn't want to bother explaining.

"Sooo now the Sand Rod is a rental and you get to use it until it runs out of a charge. A recharge, if you do a purchase of the rod, will cost..." Osfala and Cia ended up with a lot more stuff and a lot less rupees within about five minutes.

As the receipt was being written up the door was slammed open. Strich had his hand on the doorknob and cared not for the purchase queue.

"RAVIO! Groose needs your help! Pronto!" Strich declared. Ravio hastily finished the last item as he asked,

"What's wrong?"

"Groose can't find a present for Ana!" Ravio thanked the customers and shooed them away. "She's been really down after the funeral for the late king and Groose really wants something that will help. She's just so depressed, you know? Can you get him to Castletown and back to Tarrey before tomorrow morning?" Ravio had a thoughtful look and then smiled.

"Could you go get Linkle? I have just the thing." Strich wondered if they'd made the right decision. He'd just intended for Ravio to go over to Tarrey and lend use of the slate to get Groose to Castletown but Ravio had the calculating look. He brought back a confused and worried looking Groose with a quick teleport. Groose's wallet was still recovering from travel expenses and he suspected something was going to happen now. Ravio hung a sign indicating they would return within an hour and Aryll came along to greet her friends while Ravio dug out an empty box.

Fifteen minutes later, Groose and Strich were scooping up kittens from behind the woodshed. He was hard pressed to choose just one. They eventually settled on the kittens being brought as a group and seeing which one Ana liked. It was also incredibly amusing to watch the kittens climbing all over Groose's immense frame. They adored this new climbing perch and plenty of photos were taken using the Sheikah slate. If this didn't cheer up Ana, they were fairly certain nothing would.

* * *

Unbeknownst to Osfala and Cia, Lana had found a Korok living in Kakariko. She did her own information gathering by spending the evening playing a board game with the local Korok. Tracking one down was definitely worth the effort. She placed a tile on the board while the little guy spilled gossip.

"...Soooo his poetry you say?"

"Oh yes! It was really nice of him to write his diary in code! It gave us some fun but it got really annoying after a while." Lana felt the Korok probably utterly missed the point of a diary written in code.

"That was really nice of him! Did you, uh, think maybe he didn't want you to read it?" The Korok stared blankly at the Sheikah girl sitting on the other side of the board.

"Why'd he write it down then?" Lana shrugged and moved on with a disregard for the privacy of Ravio.

"You might be careful who you tell stuff to 'cause someone bad might overhear. Could I maybe hear some of that poetry?"

"Oooo yeah! So there's a song he wrote that goes like, um... ' Maybe by tomorrow, the sun is gonna glow!'..." She realized there wasn't really a winner in the three way bet as she scribbled down notes. Days later when sister and cousin returned with much empty wallets, but a lot of cool new gear, she smiled and nodded. Throwing knives were great but Lana had some great gossip for future reference.

* * *

The end of winter was drawing nigh and Aryll's birthday was just before the equinox.

Ravio still called Aryll Linkle sometimes. Aryll stopped calling him Ravio after she realized she'd outgrown him by an inch. Ravio seemed to have definitely inherited the height genes from Arn's family and Aryll took great pleasure in calling him Big Brother. She even switched her hairstyle from braids to the classic Gerudo ponytail to look taller. Ravio was not amused.

Aryll woke up right away with a good mood which would not falter. It was her sixteenth birthday and Ravio promised to let her take the lead on her first permitted adventure trip. Mom's rule about no adventuring no longer applied. She'd heard of a shrine which glowed orange instead of blue and intended to start there. It apparently sat right in the middle of an island of flowers and looked unopened which made things a bit more odd.

Sure there had been scrapes but they hadn't really been adventuring on purpose. Ravio had kept her back from going into so many interestingly dangerous places for fear Medilia would skin him alive otherwise. Somehow things still happened. He'd found out Blupees dropped rupees and felt rather annoyed no one told him before. He felt guilty shooting the creatures he played with in the Korok forest so they tried an experiment with offerings of salad. The Blupee was remarkably close to a Great Fairy Fountain and Mija came for a chat. Ravio accused her of lying since he'd found out about the weekly tributes given by local guards. She turned him into a bunny for a while to punish the impertinence. Aryll pulled a muscle laughing which made this one of the few outings where she sustained injury. There were no rupees dropped by the salad munching creature either. Then there was the octorok ambush while wildberry gathering, the Yiga ambush by Zora's Domain... Also a few sailors wrote a nasty letter about a large number of stowaways happening all of a sudden.

Aryll crossed Grandma's living room to get her brother and waved a muffin in his face.

"Guess what day it is Big Brother..."

"Mmrph." Ravio glared at the offering and traded it for the Sheikah slate. "Happy birthday." He muttered as he munched. He came dangerously close to just settling back down to sleep. Some crumbs were given as tribute to Sheerow and approved of. Aryll looked for the closest shrine to the flower field on the map while Ravio rolled off the cot. Her present to Aryll was a beautiful compass with a locket in the back.

Aryll had received presents from the Zelda sisters and the Tarrey Town guards too; they'd bought a good deal of bolts for Aryll to use when slaying evil. Those had been delivered the day before. The traditional coming of age presents for a Gerudo were lovingly crafted by Medilia. The sword was made in a similar style to the Scimitar of the Seven with a couple of design differences. The shield Ravio had a hand in the manufacture; He and Medilia heard of an ancient treasure of the Gerudo which reflected hostile magics and sought to replicate it. One highly polished mirror shield was tested and approved for reflecting magic after many long hours spent by the mom and half-brother messing with enchantments. Ravio sleepily strapped the Master Sword on and stumbled to the porridge Grandma had made for them while Aryll described her plans to her mom.

Teleportation to the closest point and the walk were uneventful until they reached the river. The two siblings shrugged and continued on to the flowery field. The answer to the puzzle of why the Hila Rao shrine remained unopened had long since passed from this mortal coil. Ravio and Aryll examined the structure, figured out how to open it, and descended on the elevator. The monk inside left off meditating for the new arrival. He was a patient man but he somehow got the sense he'd overshot things by a few decades.

 **In the name of the Goddess Hylia I offer this trial.** Aryll and Ravio both looked around the unusual location with awe. **Two heroes is a bit unorthodox.**

"Oh yeah, can I go too? It's my birthday." Aryll said to the unseen speaker.

 **This trial was intended only for the Chosen Hero but I don't see why not as long as you go one at a time... No peeking before you go.** Aryll happily took the slate and confidently skipped into the shrine to go first. Ravio listened to some distant splashing and heard an 'I'm okay' afterwards. Then there was an explosion.

"So, buddy, This trial isn't dangerous is it? My stepmom will kill me if anything happens to my sister." Sheerow chirped in agreement.

 **It, um, not very?** Ravio glared at a torch to use as a proxy for glaring at the unseen speaker. **I mean she might drown if she doesn't know how to swim?**

"I found treasure!" yelled Aryll. "This is awesome!"

 **Your turn. Let me just reset everything.** Ravio made it through in no time at all after the slate was teleported to his hand. The two siblings looked at the monk surrounded by blue lines suspended in air.

"Sooo... is that a redead?" Aryll finally whispered.

"I think I read something in Link's notes about a shrine monk? I think we just touch the symbol..." Ravio had somewhat skimmed a few things when he visited Gustaf but there were some worrying entries about escapades and pictures of shirtless selfies on Death Mountain. Ravio was uncertain he wanted to read all of it after he spotted the pictures involving the monster hats. He cautiously ascended the stairs and tapped the aforementioned symbol. He threw himself backwards with a yelp when the blue lines exploded around him. Aryll threw herself facedown too on reflex and the monk awkwardly said.

 **Hey, it's not going to hurt you. Honestly. You are skittish. Anyways, your resourcefulness in overcoming this trial speaks to the promise of a Hero.** They looked at the monk and figured it wasn't a redead. No screeching and probably no rotting. They had no intention of touching him to see if he was rotten. **Wait, Oh you're of Sheikah descent are you not?**

"Oh yeah, funny that. I defected from the Yiga Clan. Deku Tree adopted me."

 **About darn time some of our wayward descendants had some sense. It's good to see someone returned to their roots.** Then it twitched ever so slightly and dust fell to the ground. Ravio and Aryll froze in place and stared wide-eyed at the not-dead mummy sitting on the pedestal. It stood and descended the stairs. **Why you look like Vioh Rah! He was always such a good shadow-clone-stepper. *sniffle* Truly this day is a blessing from the Goddesses...** Ravio was petrified as the monk patted him on the back and sniffed again. Aryll could see some of the dust left behind on Ravio's shirt but decided not to mention it. This was an emotional family reunion after all, even if the emotion on one side was terror. Ravio swallowed back a scream and Sheerow fluttered over to perch on Aryll's shoulder to watch.

"Nnnnnnn Errrr soooo it's, uh, niiiiiice to meet you too Mr. Ancestor?" Ravio managed through clenched teeth.

 **In the name of Goddess Hylia I bestow upon you these spirit orbs. May the Goddess smile upon you.** Neither of them moved while the monk disintegrated and they took themselves outside. Aryll moved first and decided it would be nice to have a fire. They were damp and it was still the tail end of winter after all. She piled up wood from the adventurer's pouch and set things aflame with a light snap.

"Hey, Ravio? You okay there?"

He slowly nodded and leaned against the wall. Aryll shrugged.

"That was really awesome! I wonder if there are other unfinished shrine trials. We should totally check them out." She said as she tested the edge on her new spear and hoped Ravio would not notice the dusty handprints on his shirt before he agreed to search for more shrines. The quest to convince Ravio that they needed to look for more unfinished trials continued as they dried off. He eventually relented and they decided to poke around the Badlands first since there were less things on the map.

While checking to make sure the sensor was actually set to 'shrine' instead of 'treasure chest.' A telltale stereotypical Yiga-Ambush-Laugh hit their ears and Linkle was ready with bolts of both kinds. Ravio nervously held up a rod but instead of the usual screams of 'traitor' they were both surprised by conversation.

"Sorry! Wait! Hold on a moment please I'm just here to talk. No tricks. We're not fighting you today. Swear it in Ganon's name. Or the Goddesses if you prefer." Both Aryll and Ravio turned to suspiciously glare at the red and black robed old man standing in their way flanked by two other soldiers. (They were Bertram and Earnest, but there's no real importance to Earnest being here.) "Sooooo a lot of the clan seems to have left in the wake of recent events and we are having a succession crisis..." Malthus said.

"That's good news?" Ravio said as he wondered if he could convince Aryll they should make use of the transport rune instead of messing with this obvious trap. Sheerow had emerged from his favorite spot in the scarf to look at the people.

"There were a number of problems introduced by Veran's leadership-"

"Well she was pretty evil. Have you considered not doing evil stuff?" Aryll asked. Malthus glared and coughed.

"-A number of problems which the council was fairly split on how to resolve. She named no clear successor and revisions made for an interesting loophole. Now then..." Ravio looked around while planning battle strategy or an escape route. "There were two different methods which were favored in the way of solving this. First, and most popular with a few was to have whoever kills you be named leader. This hasn't exactly been working, per se." Malthus was verbose in the extreme. Aryll wondered if the man actually needed to breathe or was secretly undead.

"Forgive me for not being very sympathetic about that." Ravio interrupted.

"Just wait a little longer. A little more please if I may have your ear. Many of the people loyal to Ganon were purged by Veran's ire and felled in leadership duels. Many of the bolder members were arrested by the knights so there really aren't that many clan members eligible for leadership." Aryll nodded sarcastically with upheld fingers. "Now the second option is one I have actually obtained some support for and have since, with your cooperation, arranged for a considerable benefit to all parties involved and possibly a new golden age of the Yiga Clan with your assistance and-" Ravio grabbed Sheerow to keep it from flitting over and pecking the enemy. He didn't want Sheerow in electrocution range for the inevitable lightning. He tucked the bird in with his magic casting arm and pointed the Master Sword at the two nervous and one rambling Yiga.

"Get to the point. I have places to be." Aryll said as she tensed her hand.

"There is a loophole and Ravio is technically Yiga Clan Master, should he accept. He did challenge, and then slay, the previous Master after all." There was a silence before both siblings broke their composure. Malthus continued gamely despite not being taken at his word. "You see she removed the clause for loyalty to Ganon and when she burned the scroll, it also contained the clause about emnity towards the Legendary hero and-"

"That-hahahahaha! You expect us to fall for that?! Oh that is the worst planned attempt on trying to kill Big Brother you have ever-" Aryll couldn't help it. Malthus kept yammering about technicalities as the blademaster and footsoldier with him facepalmed.

"Oh man, what would I even want with that!" Ravio knew he should be fighting or running but this was just the most outrageous lie he'd heard in a long time. He accidentally let go of Sheerow who flapped around in confusion.

"-You'd need to name officers of course and fill positions." Malthus said before waiting with baited breath. Aryll should really have snapped but she was still laughing. "I mean, I am a prime candidate for several leadership positions and have long experience which would make me an ideal spymaster or second in command."

"Oh yeah, Hilda would totally still be my spymaster. Linkle, you're my second-in-command." Ravio said with a snicker. Malthus went into yes-man mode and got out a blank scroll. The Yiga councilman wrote a note to find out who and where Hilda was.

"The position of Public Relations head is vacant of course..." Malthus intoned hopefully.

"The only person who would possibly ever be able to sway public opinion in Yiga Clan favor would be Prince Sidon." Ravio said sarcastically. "Really you shouldn't murder and rob. It really helps. Really."

"Oh that's genius!" Malthus declared with a scribble on paper.

"You could totally make Groose and Strich generals or trainers or something." Aryll added as she repositioned her hand and focused her attention on aiming the magic.

"Oh definitely. Well, how about th-" Aryll was done humoring this guy. She snapped.

"Now get lost." The Yiga fled immediately upon electrocution.

Both siblings forgot about this conversation until a few days later when they got some really furious letters...

* * *

Prince Sidon was having a pretty nice day. A lot of stuff got done that morning and the meeting with the rest of parliament managed to finish writing up the new trade agreement. He paddled along the moat while thinking fondly of home. Tula and the kids were waiting. Someone was yelling at him from the shore around the riverbend. He swam over to check what the Hylian needed.

"HEY! Are you in distress?" Sidon walked over to the waving gentleman in generic traveler garb.

"Why, the great Prince Sidon! I was actually looking for you good sir! I've got a letter for you, you may want to read it in private." Sidon was handed a letter with the Sheikah eye on it. Or what he thought was the Sheikah eye symbol.

"Hey, thanks! Why didn't Paya just say..." The guy was gone in the moment Sidon had looked away to examine the letter. Maybe something just happened? He opened the letter as the guard Dunma came ashore to join him. Dunma did not often see Prince Sidon look so simultaneously flummoxed and enraged as he did when he flipped the paper over to read in the correct direction.

* * *

Hazelda hadn't decided if she liked her natural hair color or the dark purple and using magic was much easier than using chemicals. Heck, it meant less people came over to introduce themselves and gush in the presence of a celebrity. She'd spent all morning hunched over the latest window commission and took a break from piecing together Farore's eyebrows. It was just too beautiful of a winter day to not enjoy a little fresh air and if people recognized her, they seemed to be leaving her alone anyway.

She listened to the wind in the branches.

"Pssst."

The wind sounded a little different today.

"Psssssssst. Hey."

Hazel looked over to the woman hiding behind the tree and wondered if she should fall for the bait or just blast the person with holy power. It might not be a Yiga.

"Hilda right? I need to discuss an urgent matter in which Master Ravio could really use your help for." Hazel raised an eyebrow. She'd heard this voice somewhere before. "It was so hard to find you, wow! We need to finish talking quick, one of the Royal family might see us so act natural, okay?"

Okay, she hadn't been expecting that.

* * *

Groose and Strich were on patrol and were wondering why there'd been so many Yiga ambushes over the past couple days. They had a different pattern than normal. The people would poof into sight, the knights would stab and slice, and the people would disappear with various phrases. They were using different phrases than normal.

"Hey, come on we just wanted to-"

"OW. Jerk! We're making a great offer!"

"For the love of Ganon! Stop and listen for just five seconds!"

Stuff like that. Groose and Strich were complaining to Captain Darbus and another off duty guard about how annoying this stuff was when Strich found a letter taped to Groose's back. When Groose made an expression of simultaneous bewilderment and outrage, curiosity got the better of the others and they took a look at the note too.

* * *

The Elder of Kakariko village listened to her people whenever they came to her with worries. Most of it was routine and Paya contemplated the upcoming meeting with Hateno's mayor while listening.

"...Lady Paya, there is one more unusual matter. The leader of the Yiga Clan wishes to discuss terms of surrender." This was not unusual in Paya's opinion. New Yiga Clan leaders liked to offer friendship and a reunification of the tribe on conditions like swearing loyalty to Ganon. The offers tended towards the most insultingly condescending tones imaginable.

"The answer is always no. Send the usual arrow."

"Um, well, it's THEIR unconditional surrender he wishes to discuss. Says there was a very peculiar error of some kind and stuff?" Paya looked up sharply and recomposed herself.

"Well, that is unusual. Let me see."

The messenger wordlessly handed over the parchment. The titles listed in the signature were longer than the message itself.  
_  
Lady Paya,_

_As leader of the Yiga Clan, I hereby surrender and offer up apologies on behalf of everyone for everything._

_Sincerely,_

_Legendary Hero, Child of the Deku Tree, Link's Successor, Hero Chosen By the Gods, Wielder of the Sword, Honorary Korok, Spiderblight Slayer, Protector of Hyrule, Leader of the Yiga Clan_

_Master Ravio_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah. I'm done. There's so many things I scrapped like the Yuga clan typo. Maybe sometime I will go back and run this monster through Hemingway app in the interest of not hurting people's eyes. Maybe reformat and add those short chapter summaries like the archiveofourown version tot he fanfiction.net version and also make sure both versions are completely up to date.


	29. Stuff that got thrown out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically author's notes

Yeah. I'm done. There's so many things I scrapped like the Yuga clan typo or having Sparrot use bread divination. Maybe sometime I will go back and run this monster through Hemingway app in the interest of not hurting people's eyes. Maybe I'll also make sure both versions are completely up to date. Another thing that got thrown out was a Dark Link subplot. Trying to turn a guy into a dark creature to murder his friends doesn't always work so well when the guy's darkest desires are to run away and hide somewhere.

Special thanks to all the reviewers! I may have swiped a few ideas from them. (Like the including the Hila Rao Shrine where those flowers are. I remember getting really annoyed and just utterly abandoning getting into that shrine.)

Who knows what else I'll write? Maybe more about the Blight on the Master Cycle Zero set in the time of Breath of the Wild? Calamity corrupting random bits of tech people adopt like plumbing systems or tractors? Strengthen that weak justification for not having everything ancient tech? Fill in those plot holes or add in proper character appearances? Ask what happened pre-calamity when Koroks realized Link can see them? There's been some other really good writers and artists doing their own stories of a Malice corrupted Link so I don't want to compete with them. (I'd plain old rip off the Shadow of the Colossus) Maybe that Rhythm Thief + Layton Brothers murder mystery? Persona 2, 4, and 5 crossover? Write the Mariachi version of Breath of the Wild like that one person's drawing?

Thank you readers. Especially the reviewers and followers. My ego hath been stoked.

The alternate ending for the much shorter original is below. It didn't really have details filled in much since I decided not to use it.

* * *

Ravio happily strolled back around the front of the Deku Tree with his bucket of water. Hazelda followed him to ask questions about what sort of magical support Ravio would be able to provide. He waved to the Koroks and a blonde guy who was walking by with a sword strapped to his back. Ravio went inside and started to clean off his hands while wondering how to ask people to help him find the little sister the fortune teller mentioned.

Ravio stopped.

He looked outside to the vacant pedestal.

He ran around the back of the tree again to get everybody. Somehow Groose got elected as the person to go tell Linkle what occurred by virtue of him being the leader before Hazelda arrived. The rest of them came around to look for the guy who drew the sword. Ravio questioned a couple Koroks while everyone else looked for Link that wasn't already looking for Linkle.

"Hey, Makar? Where's the Hero? The one who drew the sword?"

"Oh, Mr. Important Hero just left."

"So is he doing the trial or...?"

"No, he just left. Hestu expanded his inventory and showed him the Ogre tree. He said his name's Link!" Ravio didn't like the sound of that.

"Ummmm what? He didn't come to speak to the princess and get his slate or anything! Does he have supplies? A Shield?" Makar shrugged as Ravio yelled to the persons above three feet tall that they had a situation.

After the situation was explained, Hazel voted to try and catch up with the guy and no one else's votes really counted.

(Time skip to the castle.)

Everybody was traveling as quickly to the castle as they could after the questioning at the guard station. At first themom had wanted to kill Ravio and drag Linkle home but relented after much begging and a demonstration of Urbosa's Fury. Medilia was along for the ride and clearly did not trust Ravio with the way she kept looming like a territorial helmaroc. This made for a really jumpy Ravio on the road to Castletown. Nightfall was approaching and the Gossip Stone network news being read out loud by Ana as Hazel steered the horse didn't make things any less tense.

"So we've got wood weapons to take down this Kishgal fellow?"

"Yep. Link's got a massive head start on us and I hope he doesn't take on the entire Yiga raiding party by himself. If there's still fighting by the time we get there, we'll be able to help him out. I don't think the Koroks warned him about the Magnesis bracers." Groose said to Medilia. "Goddesses forbid that Link has to take on the Calamity himself..." The fact that nightfall was coming didn't help. If they got a blood moon tonight, the situation was much more complicated.

The first person to sense the Malice coming from the direction of the Castle was Hazelda. Ravio with his magical ability was the second.

(Brief interlude from the hero Linkson's point of view wondering how he ended up going to fight Ganon instead of finishing that bathroom tile with the Bolson Construction Co. Allison and Jason dared him to go in the forest or something?)

(Insert justification for running into Veran on the road when she's leaving Castletown.)

"RAVIO!?" Veran was suitably shocked. He'd survived the overchanneling and furthermore, was rather a good distance from the last known location. She wasn't the only one startled by the sight of a family member in an unexpected state of existence. Ravio also did a double take at the sight of Veran.

"THATBETTERNOTBEHEREDITARY." The least terrifying change was that Veran's white sheikahn hair was now red. Her skin was mostly Malice now and the glowing orange eyes were rather striking. Her robes fluttered among the flowing darkness which was the same now as a blight. It was hard to really see in the light of the Blood Moon and the darkness everywhere but her arms seemed clawed now. Ravio was shaking like a small cornered creature. "You guys run! You need to help Link!"

"Princess Zeldana! Hilda! Go on! We'll handle this!" Linkle said as she snapped. Veran did a teleport and followed up with a set of magenta fireballs. Hazelda wanted to help but acknowledged that she needed to get the Slate to the Hero of Legend. While everybody else fired wherever Veran appeared Medilia yelled orders.

"Knights and Princess to the Castle! Hilda, you too! Veran dies by MY hand!"

(Groose, Strich, Ana, and Hazel go through the castle but don't quite catch up with Link before running into Kishgal and having to fight him. Hazel is sent ahead to find Link.)

(Epic battle with Linkle, Medilia, and Ravio teaming up on Veran described. Veran pulls some voodoo doll stuff or dark mirror or Feirce Deity mask on Ravio. They kill her anyway.)

(Hilda and Link slay Ganon while everyone is preoccupied with the ersatz Link and Veran. Everyone lives happily/awkwardly ever after. Groose's hair survives. The end)

* * *

[Alternate scenario B that got thrown out was supposed to be foreshadowed by Linkle saying how embarrassing it would be if she were a guy and mistaken for Ganon.]

* * *

Groose hauled the unconscious Ravio out of the room and prayed they had gotten there in time. If the guy had the Triforce of Power and the Yiga succeeded in awakening him, they honestly didn't know what they would be able to do. The mark on the back of Ravio's hand glowed but judging by the lack of ominous aura coming from him, nothing had happened yet. Hazel didn't sense darkness coming from Ravio either but still kept the bow of light trained on Ravio.

"Do you know how to do exorcisms? Anyone?" Strich whispered as they dragged their burden through the cave.

"Not without killing him, no." Hazel said. Linkle prodded the feverish Ravio. She tensed when he muttered something in his sleep.

"Fîfum mâ prêowthwîl orgilde swefn Navi..."

"...What language was that? Anyone know?" Groose asked.

"Nope." Linkle said. Hazel spoke next.

"I think that was a really old dialect of ancient Hyrule? Either that or pure gibberish." She didn't know if they should wake him up now and see if he was still Ravio. It might be a good idea to get him out of the Yiga territory first. They were almost to the nearest exit when they were spotted.

"HEY! Get back here with Ganon's vessel you heathens!" Groose dropped Ravio on the stone as he parried a windcleaver. Hazel was momentarily distracted by returning fire to archers. Ravio grimaced, noticed the fighting, then indignantly cried.

"What lufian êow smêan êow ârweorðian macung hebban mîn frîend? forl¯ætan ðæge pro ôðer ielde syndrige for ðý ðe.."

Everyone stopped to stare at Ravio who seemed unable to properly stand and sank back to the floor in another faint, hand reaching for a sword that was not on his back.

"Okay, does anyone have any idea what he just said? Anyone?" Yiga and heroes alike all shook their heads and resumed the battle.

Linkle accidentally stepped on Ravio as she was fighting a footsoldier. He groaned as he tried to push himself upright.

"Midna Ah swear if ye dae 'at a body mair time... bide, fa in th' heck ur ye?!"

"Sorry, bit busy at the moment!" Linkle yelled back.

"AH NO he's awake! Hazel, sealing power him or something!" Strich said to Hazel as he shoved a Yiga footsoldier aside.

"Yfel nâ sêon êower mancynn!"

"There's nothing you can do to stop us from bringing back Lord Ganon! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The Blademaster which was laughing tried to chop off Hazel's head. This proved to be a mistake as the still somewhat woozy looking Ravio snapped into focus.

"ZELDA!" He lunged almost faster than the eye could see and grabbed the box lid next to him. He performed a shield parry with it to throw the blademaster off guard.

(Insert ridiculously awesome fight with more incomprehensible old english anglo saxon gaelic whatever while they work with whatever the opposite problem of amnesia is.)

"Um, thanks Ravio! Now we just need to get out of here before Veran shows up!"

"Yonder mîn scytta?" Ravio said as he collapsed again.

(After a while they think they have Ravio back until he asks when the Yiga hideout moved to Hebra from the Canyon.)

* * *

Original idea long before Groose and the like-likes was much more serious. Here is a snippet from when Yuga was actually involved with conspiracies to move away from democracy back to monarchy etc. Abandoned very early.

* * *

(backstory about Gustaf sparing and then adopting nervous Yiga kid who didn't want to assassinate people)

(Insert political intrigue. king gets assassinated ,Ravio gets framed.)

Ravio was still crying but after shedding tears all night for the foster father he'd lost he was out of saltwater. How could anyone think he'd ever do such a thing!? He had screamed before they'd gagged him and dragged him under heavy guard to Castletown to await trial and execution. Whoever had done this was someone who knew Gustaf Ravio had realized from what little he knew of the crime. Who was going to warn Hilda and her sisters?

On the list of likely suspects in his head one in stripey trousers reigned supreme.

(Koroks that spotted Ravio arrive and unlock the cell. they hide from a patrol in the rebuilt Temple of Time)

Ravio had never been this close to the divine weapon which stood in the pedestal. Now Ravio was a sensible kid and never really had a rebellious teen phase. In an room where there was a big red button with a sign saying "Do not press" he would leave that button completely untouched for days.

Everyone had warned him that the sword would drain the life of any unworthy people who dared to try and pull it. So he didn't.

The lure of the big red button pulled at Ravio's very soul tonight. He HAD to see the Master Sword. The temptation of seeing what would happen when all logic screamed disaster was irresistible.

Ravio wasn't sure how but he now had a sword in his hand and the Koroks were yelling for him to run now before the knights came in. He ran.

(Inevitable panic next day when people realize the Master Sword is missing)


	30. Edit notes

I'm reposting this as an edited story and keeping this here as sort of an archived rough draft. The new one will be posted at the speed at which I format it.

**Author's Note:**

> This was started on fanfiction.net but I'm also posting it here for my own ego. Instead of going for higher quality writing, I was going to do less editing in favor of just getting the story out. I've started too many projects and left them unfinished. Also there are too many stories out where the author starts with a really good story but then never gets to finish. My soul cries out: How dare people have unfinished high quality writing! Even some mediocre and terribly written stories I've simply wanted to see what happens at the end. I do have a general idea of how this goes and will end, it's just going to take time to type all the details even without proper editing. 
> 
> I will confess I wrote this partly for the pun. Instead of going back and fixing everything, I'm just going to report the whole rewrite as a separate work.


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